The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

[Bluepete]

Originally Posted by sorebutt

We only knew he was dyslexic as he used to sing
"Old McDonald had a farm, G,L,P,X,Q"

Don't mock, I'm a member of the RSDH. The Royal Society for Helping Dyslexics.

Pete

[BanannaMan]

Top Ten Ways
You know you're a pikey when.....


1. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

3. You dated one of your parents' current spouses in school.

4. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

5. One of your kids was conceived on a pool table

6. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

7. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge'.

8. You wonder which football top and tracksuit bottoms to wear this week.

9. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
.

[ophic]

Originally Posted by BanannaMan

3. You dated one of your parents' current spouses in school

A pikey in school? God bless America!

You know you're Taliban when:

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

A south African view:

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel,
"Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead
you to the Promised Land."

When Mandela was made president he said,
"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this
is the Promised Land."

Today, the ANC has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the
price of Camels, tolled the Highways and Byways and mortgaged the
Promised Land to the Chinese.

I was so depressed last night thinking about Jacob Zuma, the
economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, corruption, the toll roads,
retirement funds, etc .... I called a suicide hotline.

I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

Folks, we're screwed .....

[punyXpress]

. . just like us, then?

[DJ123]

CLAIM CLAIM CLAIM! Were you abused by a celebrity in the seventies or eighties? Did Jim fix it for you? Where you one of Rolf's two little boys? Did you get serviced in Kevin Webster's garage? Remember where there's a stain, there's a claim! Simply text MYARSEISSTILLSORE .. To 81300

[_Stretchie_]

I can't get it to show full size on here, click it and zoom in, WELL worth it

thanks stretchie

[SoulKiss]

Originally Posted by _Stretchie_

I can't get it to show full size on here, click it and zoom in, WELL worth it

Best RR EVER!!!

I wonder if we could re-edit a certain Tazer related classic on here to do the same...

Oh and I have improved the image you get when clicking on the above link.