What yould YOU do?

[gruntygiggles]

Jen, I have only just seen this and some very valid points have been made. Especially by Anna...she's a wise one!

Having a year back over here will be about the best thing for you in terms of making this decision as it is one that needs to be made upon a good amount of reflection and clarity of thought...neither of which you have the benefit of at the moment.

You need to grieve for your dad, probably grieve for you mum all over again too and when you can take emotion out of the equation, you'll be better able to make the decision that will be the right one for both of you. That will take time and the familiarity of your life here in the UK.

Others have mentioned most things, but I think you need to sit down in a few months as a couple and discuss it...and with Mr. VT's parents too. I know how close you are...how would Mr. VT feel about being in SA in the latter years of his mum and dads lives...would he want to be in the UK to care for them if they didn't want to move to SA to be with you?

It's a very personal decision, but one that you both have to make together.

I do agree that you'll keep yourself super busy no matter where you are or what you're doing, but I'm guessing that in SA you'd be getting up at 5am to go and sort out a yard full of horses and carry on with them the rest of the day...rather than, up, horses, dogs, cats, work, work, horses, dogs, cats etc. I do think your life would be easier BUT...

If you could pay off your mortgage here, you'd still be in a nice position. You would have extra disposable income, so you could cut your hours and have more time.

Like many have said...the grass is not always greener and only the two of you can decide whether it is on this occasion or not.

I'm afraid I've not been much help at all have I? But that's the point...it's not my decision.

Do me a favour though...I know you well enough to say...stop thinking about things like this as all it will do is deflect from what you are doing there at the moment and while it makes things easier to cope with...it is not healthy. You need to go through the process of saying goodbye to your dad and give that all of your energy...or it will only come back and bite you in the butt later on. Concentrate on grieving and working through it all and saying goodbye for now. You can think about the possibility of moving when you get back over here. In other words...LOOK AFTER YOURSELF and don't shy away from grieving.

Much love and hugs to both of you and we're thinking of you xxxxx

+1 just seeing this now, Im really sorry for the loss of your Dad.

I've only read your posts to avoid been effected by what others put, because you ask what I would do and that would be as the anal logical thinking type. Following the dilution of your farthers estate I would return to the UK, sort out the sale and of all but the bungalow (assuming this has the lowest costing overheads of your existing properties). Once all assetts in the UK are sold and time has healed a little then I would then reconsider where in the world you'd most like to live. Perhaps the same fortunate lifestyle could be achieved in Spain, maybe America, but I wouldnt just assume that SA is the correct answer based on it been the only difference you know. Consider taking a year off work and use some of the financial gain to take holidays to places you'd maybe like to live. See what they're all about and then re-evaluate the situation so when you commit you can commit with reason rather than on impulse.

My 2p,

Also - would buying land and building be out of the question?

sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like you have made up your mind already. Keep your properties inthe UK - get a friend to manage the properties to ensure they dont get trashed like in the past. My cousin moved to Texas a couple of years ago, she is very close to her mum and dad and they visit a couple of times a year but age is not on their side, both in their 70s. Saying that my mum and dad are in Scotland and I only manage to visit a couple of times a year. With the internet, skype and other fancy technology the world has become a smaller place, Im sure Tris' parents will miss you both but Im also sure they would not want you to stay around for them. parents want their kids to have a good life, no matter how upsetting it is for them. hope you visit us before you buggar off. Bex says if you want someone to look after your horses to keep her in mind x

Thank you all so much for the comments, I know they have all come with love and best wishes.

We will not rush anything but in the light of all this awful stuff I am currently having to do (ie: clearning my parents house out and selling my dad's car, house, furniture etc and throw a lot of stuff away), it is something to keep my brain off the horrible things.

We went to see this property today to get an idea of the place we would live in if we did decide to move over here:

http://www.diapsey.co.za/property.as...HT08295202BB34

and this one:

http://www.diapsey.co.za/property.as...SAHT0529155382


As for going elsewhere in the world,I wouldnt want to be without my family now, but on the same note I would not expect Mr VT to be without his.

Oh and Kit Kat, we might need horse and house sitters in the future, Mr VT's Mum has told us 'never again' I think she is scared of our little devils!

[gruntygiggles]

Well...after what George and Paul Tapner said about Becky VT...your babies would be in good hands!

I hear what you're saying hun. Both properties look awesome compared with comparable value over here.

Could you not fly the horses over?

Don't be silly GG, horses can't fly

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by bluefishman

Don't be silly GG, horses can't fly

Really???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sif4e...eature=related

I beg to differ...lol

[Teejayexc]

Originally Posted by gruntygiggles

You need to grieve for your dad, probably grieve for you mum all over again too and when you can take emotion out of the equation, you'll be better able to make the decision that will be the right one for both of you. That will take time and the familiarity of your life here in the UK.


Do me a favour though...I know you well enough to say...stop thinking about things like this as all it will do is deflect from what you are doing there at the moment and while it makes things easier to cope with...it is not healthy. You need to go through the process of saying goodbye to your dad and give that all of your energy...or it will only come back and bite you in the butt later on. Concentrate on grieving and working through it all and saying goodbye for now. You can think about the possibility of moving when you get back over here. In other words...LOOK AFTER YOURSELF and don't shy away from grieving.

+1 The lass talks sense.

From bitter experience, please put things on hold 'till the emotions of losing your dad have eased, they never go away, (nor should they), but they'll certainly be affecting your rational at this moment in time.

There'll be time enough for thinking of all the other things when your lives have settled down a bit.

Originally Posted by Von Teese

Hello there .orgers, I know I have been a stranger for a very LONG time now but I have been so busy that I just simply haven't had the time to read forums (not for the lack of wanting to though).

Anyway, I have a situation and I would appreciate some comments.
My father died on Saturday 13th August and I am currently in South Africa sorting out his estate etc. It is winter here and the temperatures have been in the high 20s since we got here.
A few of my cousins still live over here and have lovely lifestyles and homes. Things have definately changed over the last 3 years since we last came here and I miss it so much.

My father has left me everything as I am the only child and as a result I will be able to buy a beautiful house with stables, a pool lots of garages for Mr VTs obsessive collection of vehicles and lots of land in a good secure area (where they train racehorses). Mr VT would be able to start his own business and I would be able to either train horses for a living or not have to work.

I have a good life in the UK but I still struggle with the weather, I find it very isolated and we are working ourselves to death just to keep what we have.

Mr VT is also an only child and his parents may not move over here if we do. Also we have 2 stunning horses, 6 cats and 2 dogs to ship over along with a lot of bikes and cars so it will be a HUGE decision.
To compare things, if we were to use my inheritance over there I would be able to pay off the house we have at the moment and nothing more.

We currently own 3 properties in the UK, 2 of which are being rented out so if things did go horribly wrong we still would be able to pick up the pieces back over there.

If you had this opportunity, what would you do?

Simple answer from me. DO IT. Life's too short.

Keep the rented properties in the UK to maintain a foothold should plans change. Otherwise go and enjoy.

Yes we will definately have time to think long and hard about things, there is SO MUCH we would have to do if we did decide to go that we wouldnt have an option but to take our time and plan everything and decide if it really is what we want because we will bring the horses, dogs and cats with us.

This will cost a packet but will be worth it.

This means that it will take MONTHS for them alone, this doesnt include sorting out everything and selling stuff we dont want to bring over.

Mr VT wants to bring the two landrovers, my Ibiza and the 3 road bikes because vehicles are so expensive over here, we will sell the van, the crossers and maybe one or both of his modified 306s.


My only regret will be that my marine fish cannot be brought with us, our two tanks are doing so well at the moment and I am worried that if we go I will have to sell them and I wont know if they will be properly looked after!