Worried about my kids future...

Im sure im not the only one in this boat im sure, but how are they ever gonna get on in life....

Lack of uni places,
Paying for their education (or paying off the immense debt after)
Insuring their first car
Getting on the housing ladder
Getting a job....and on....and on....

They're only 4,8 and 10 but im already stressing about this. They are bright, clever kids and should do well academically.

Unless something major changes in my life (my sugar daddy finally turns up ) im not going to be able to save for them, there wont be any trust funds, no house to pass down to them.

What can i do to help them?

Stop worrying, take up Bhudism and live for today

[maviczap]

KJ
First of all stop fretting about it. Don't set your heart on them going to Uni.

My sister went to Uni, the only one in my family. She passed her degree, never ever had a job where she used her qualification. I remember her doing a study of growing palm trees in Scotland for one job.

The remainder of her adult life has been spent looking after my 3 nephews, and she still does. She's a librairian now!

The rest of us who never went to Uni, all have good well paid jobs. Lucky maybe, but I'd say learning a trade would be better than going to Uni and racking up a massive debt.

What they need from you is support (which you already give give them in heaps) in what ever path they choose, even if its not Uni

[Bri w]

Having 6 children has meant our resources have had to be spread thin, and in the early years our resources were close to zero. 5 of them have been thro' uni and have come out with huge debt - daughter no.1 went on to do the Bar course and finished with almost £30k of debt.

Its a catch 22. You want them to have the best possible chance but it comes at a cost.

What you can provide is a loving environment, emotional support, and guidance that will set the foundations for them to succeed. And in the early days, until its ingrained, you have to make sure they do their homework, and it will be second nature by the time it really matters.

All of ours have a decent education, achieved at a school with a poor reputation, and a good job. And all achieved without a "Sugar Daddy."

Originally Posted by maviczap

KJ
First of all stop fretting about it. Don't set your heart on them going to Uni.

My sister went to Uni, the only one in my family. She passed her degree, never ever had a job where she used her qualification.

That. University is more of a convenient way of putting off youth unemployment figures for another three or four years. Far too many courses and degrees are nothing more than a waste of time and money (I know, I did Journalism ffs).

Sure it was nice to have three years of messing around spending most waking moments ****ed, going out to find girls every other night, playing video games, waking up on people's living room floors... but I could have spent those years building a proper career or learning a trade. The result was I graduated into a series of soul-crushing call centre jobs which a strategically shaved monkey (many of my co-workers) would find demeaning.

So don't fret too much about it. That you're concerned shows the kids already have a big advantage - a positive and supportive parent.

I dont expect that all 3 will want to go to uni, and those that dont wont get forced into it. I suppose its my big regret that I didnt, if I had I would certainly have more options open to me than I do now.

The irony is that my youngest starts school in a couple of weeks and im now in a position where I could study, but Mr Cameron's about to change the law to force me off lone parent benefits and back into whatever crap job I can find and claim working tax credits, which is fair enough cos I dont really expect to be paid to sit on my @rse while the kids are at school, i'd just rather study, get a degree, get my PGCE and really have something to offer back.

The most that any parent can do, whatever their circumstances, is make their kids aware of the opportunities available to them and open what doors they can for them.

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink." So long as you show them as many different types of water as you can then you're doing a good job

The fact that you're thinking about your kids' future is to your credit; there are many that don't.

I've been taught that all of those things are things you earn and do under your own steam. I've seen far too many of my contemporaries handed everything on a plate, and mostly they can't see the wood for the trees. Be there to guide them, try and be objective, be open to their views. If you have kids that've had to work bloody hard for what they've got, they'll be good people with an appreciation for how things work in life.

A lot of my friends are going to have a hell of a shock once they're out of uni and into the real world.

KJ - I often think about what my daughter Sophie will do. She's 12 now. Not highly academic, but she is nobody's fool and has a much more practical approach to things.

The problem, I think, is that successive generations have always been told that they have to do better than the previous one. When I was at school - I left in 1979 - the popular wisdom was get A levels and the world's your oyster. Now everyone wants to get a degree.

I hope that Sophie doesn't want to go to university. All that debt would frighten me. I'd rather spend the money on helping her set up in a business.

Kids are resourceful and most young people go on to achieve - might not be what you had always thought but so what - my advice would be to stop fretting, do the best you can within the resources you have, and as they discover and develop the skills they have, watch your kids flourish.

[timwilky]

I like most parent went through life dreaming of what my kids would be. I had high hopes.

Only one made it to university and despite me paying her accommodation she still graduated with debt that scared me. Then she did her masters, then took on extra funding for her bar vocational course and at the end of all that decided she didn't want to be a barrister. It was my dream not hers. Lesson learned let your kids do what ever they want, they will surprise you.

Daughter no 2 dropped out of nurse training because she would rather drink and chase blokes. Now as a single mum she actually starts back at the hospital she walked out of on Monday, but as a health care assistant. She cannot afford to finish her nursing. But what the heck, I am still proud of her, she has got off her backside. Faced the ward sister who made her life hell and is now matron and got a job.

Son made me proud despite his faults when he did the decent thing on realising he had become a dad. He bought his first house age 20 so he could look after his family. It has been hard for him, his business failing in the recession, trying to hang onto your house and pay a mortgage despite not being eligible for benefits as your self employed but without work etc. Now working on minimum rate for 60hours a week in order to meet his outgoings. I take him for a pint occasionally as I know he cannot afford to go himself.

The thing is, your kids despite what you may think at the time are not extensions of you, they will do what they want, when they want. Sometimes they will make you proud, other times they will make you cry. It is life, just give them the opportunity to live theirs and not yours.