dead duck

A woman takes her pet duck to the vets as it hasn't moved for 4 hours,
"pop it on the table and i'll take a look" say's the vet.

So the vets begins to examine the duck and after 5 minutes he's come to the conclusion that it's dead, too which the woman is not best pleased, she demands a second opinion.

So the vet whistles and shouts "Rover...here boy" in comes his dog, jumps up on the table sniffs the duck and woofs at the vet.

"There you go, even the dog says your ducks dead"
The woman isn't having that, now she wants another opinion.

The vet whistles again and shouts "here tiddles" in comes his cat, jumps on the table sniffs the duck and meeows at the vet.

By this time the woman has accepted that her beloved duck is dead, the vet hands her a bill (not the ducks) for £800.

"£800 f*****g quid to tell me my ducks dead...your aving a laugh"

"Well you did ask for a lab report and cat scan" replies the vet

[Stingo]

*reaches for the Tena-Man*...

Aye, tis a fine tumbleweed

[Skip]

Excellent!