| Anonymous |
04-02-06 11:01 AM |
In the vexed matter of the Static Rest Position of the Toilet Seat (ie its median normative "at rest" status, known as SRPTS) in an ongoing stable relationship situation, I have some experience. Having gone through several SRPTS traumas (traumae, to be correct) settled only through the medium of Messrs Sue, Grabbitt and Runne, and the transfer of large portions of my personal wealth, I came to the realisation that compromise was necessary.
To this end, my new company, LeDuc O'York Enterprises, has recently patented the NundoSeat. Not to be confused with Nando's, "Nund" is an acronym for Neither Up Nor Down. The device (and I stress it is patented) is based on an electromagnetic slave actuator which holds the seat at 45 degrees whilst in its SRPTS. Thus, both parties in an ongoing bodily function situation are required to compromise - he to lift the seat UP, she to push it DOWN.
Recognizing that this may produce an imbalance in a relationship where the female is exceptionally tall, or the male is exceptionally short (ie, they can circumvent the 45 degree SRPTS by simply going over or under) the Nundo MkII does have an infra-red height sensor (programmed in FORTRAN Perl C++ .NET) which will vary the position according to the height of the approaching body. Early tests have shown some slight problems in that, if approached simultaneously by two persons of different heights, it does oscillate violently. On the plus side however, we have proposed to link the resultant atmospheric turbulence to a small wind-powered fume extractor, thus correcting another area of potential male/female toiletry discord.
Any member of sv650.org may purchase a NundoSeat at the discounted price of £332.80 (ex VAT, fitting and batteries NOT included, P&P £42.75) by sending a cheque to HenryBoc Enterprises. Allow 23 weeks for cheque clearance.
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