True, the tazer thing was no accident, it was well planned! :lol:

Me either :oops:

I had a similar sharty (**** combined with f4rt = shart right?) one.

Imagine the situation, plane packed full of holidaymakers. After few hours just before we land I hear this noise … grrrrhhhmmmmrrrghhh …. Loud as hell, and believe it or not, it was my own belly. I looked down and there was no more a six-pack, but big massive swollen mass. I knew something was seriously wrong. But the seatbelt sign was on and we were landing. Then landed, taxied over (it took half a year for the pilot to find the stand and another 6 months to open the door) and so on so on before we went out of the plane. By this point I was clinching my cheeks together, praying to God, Allah, Buddha basically to anyone not too f4rt. I had my lovely pure white City shorts and white undies. I could not risk any accidents. I was determined not to f4rt, not to move suddenly etc. We had to walk up a set of stairs and across immigration to desks. I was close to death, not talking to anyone not thinking, not breathing. Pass the immigration and run (with clenching my cheeks together so I must have looked like I had prosthetic limbs) to the toilet. I run like hell, I opened the door, I closed the door, I took my undies down and I sat on the toilet. Job done. Incredible sense of relief until I looked down. Massive and I mean massive brown stain on inside of mine underwear. Size of a plate, big massive plate to clarify the matter. I hoped for a split second that it didn’t go through onto my shorts. False hopes. It did and it was even bigger. I was petrified and confused. I am not sure how it happened; as I haven’t f4rted I am 100% sure about that. So after that I took my top off, hang it across the back of my shorts and made my way to collect the luggage. I looked like an idiot in shorts and topless (April). But I am sure that the people who were walking behind me up the steps must have seen the stain and possibly everyone else too. I wanted to disappear. Still get a bit uneasy just writing about it.

I was taken to a circus when I was a kid... and I was sitting there, watching the clowns and things, and that was grand.
Then they opened the tent, and in walked 5 horses wearing little sparkly jacket things, which preceded to start running around in the circus ring.
I looked at my parents, with horror:
"Dad, some horses have gotten in!"
"That's ok Philip :)"
"No, look they are inside, look! Mum! Look, horses, INSIDE"
"I know, that's right. It's fine, just watch them Philip, its fine."

Now, I was having none of this. God knows what these horses were going to do, running amok inside this tent. No one seemed to have noticed... my mind boggled. So, I stood up on the chair, and let out a roar:
"HORSES HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE TENT!!, SOMEBODY GET THEM OUT", followed by my roaring "OUT OUT OUT" and gesticulating where the exit was in a manner that would bring a tear to Adolf Hitler's eye.

I tell you. I wasn't happy at all.

Brilliant! Thank you for suffering to make me laugh so much hehe

Out drinking on my 21st birthday, had one or ten too many.. on way back to my mates house in Cardiff I attempted to jump over a small wall.. only about a foot tall... but in my drunken state my reactions werent as they would usualy be.... I caught my trailing foot while trying to hurdle said object.. resulting in me hitting the floor rather hard the other side.... top front teeth went through my lip, still got scar from that.. which is why my two front teeth are rather wonky.. as one of them effectively was all but knocked out, all that was holding it in was the root.... I cant remember much of the incident itself, as after drinking a pint of spirits, several aftershocks and a few absynths.... :lol: but my mates thought at first I had killed myself.. as they said, first thing they knew about it was seeing me jumping, hearing a massive crack sound.. and watching a rather large pool of blood form around my head as I lay on the ground face down...

and since that day 6 years ago to the weekend just gone, I have never gone out and drank that much ever again... my mates thought I was lucky to have survived what I drank that night, let alone my accident which got me a few hours in intensive care that night :oops:

Painting the barge boards on my Dads house in the middle of a hot summer. Wearing only shorts. Top of ladder, finish work, take a step back to admire the finish. :oops:
White spirit on the dangly bits to get the enamel paint of stings like f**k.

I had my most embarassing accident last week so it's still too fresh for me to re-hash it here. Ask me next year mebbe.

come on share it with us .... I did share mine and it was not particulalry a proudest moment of my life :?

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAAHHA

AHAHA

AHA

HA

HA....

aaaaaaaaa..... and only Jambo and Joe will truely know why I laughed so much........ :(