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Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
I promise you that every word of what follows is true. It really is, it's what happened to me on the way home last night. Needs explanation so it’s a bit long. The A528 is the country road from Shrewsbury to Ellesmere – about 20 miles. Many of you will know it, we did it on the Barmouth run. On a sunny summer day it's fantastic on a bike – lovely views, the road rises and falls, is as twisty as you like, and the surface is nice and grippy On a cold wet winter evening, it's 'orrible. Tonight, 5C and ****ing down, as it has been all week.
I was in Liverpool today, about 65 miles/2 hours north of here. I had my Clio. Anne was in our office in Shrewsbury, she had the Merc – it’s a C200 estate. She was going to the turning on of the Christmas tree lights at daughter’s school in Ellesmere (which is on the way to and from Liverpool) and then they were having a German Christmas market. Thank God she stayed off the Gluhwein. I was about to leave Scouseland at 6pm when she called me. ‘I’ve run out of diesel. The car’s making a horrible noise, and it’s really jerky.’ ‘Where are you?’ ‘By Pimhill’. ‘Turn the car round and see if you can get into the Bridgewater Arms car park [a mile up the road from where she called]. Go in and have something to eat while I come and sort it, I’ll be there in an hour.’ http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif Ran to the car park, jumped into the Clio and shot down to Ellesmere as fast as I could, but it was raining hard, the Birkenhead Tunnel was heavy going with piles of traffic, the M53 was more like a river than a motorway, the A483 down to Ruabon was every bit as bad, and the A539 and A528 into Ellesmere were miserable http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_eek.gif Stopped at the fuel station in Ellesmere, they lent me a 5 litre can, I filled it with diesel and went onto the Bridgewater Arms. Found the car, found spouse and child in the pub, and poured the fuel into the tank. Said, ‘we need to take the can back to the fuel station, follow me to Ellesmere.’ I set off north, and realised that she wasn’t behind me http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies...e_confused.gif I called her on my mobile. She was in tears http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_cry.gif , ‘it’s every bit as bad!!! I’ve had to stop!!!' http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_cry.gif I was guessing that 5 litres of fuel in a completely empty tank wasn’t enough to prime the fuel pump, so I said 'as long as the car is safe and off the road then I’ll get some more fuel and come back and find you.’ On to the fuel station, more fuel, back down the A528, saw the car on a muddy but flat bit by the side of the road, drove on a bit to find some place to turn, came back and parked up behind the Merc. Poured another 5 litres of diesel into the tank. There, it should start now – and it did http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_cool.gif Still had to take the can back, so I said ‘I’ll follow you this time.’ As soon as she set off I could see the problem http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies..._surprised.gif It wasn’t the fuel pump and low fuel. It was the nearside rear tyre – completely f*cked, had obviously run flat and driving on it had twisted it around the wheel. Me frantically flashing lights and hooting, wife obviously panicking not knowing what was happening and the car swerving dangerously across the road. She stopped, by this time in one of the dips in the road, with steep verges. ‘Ed, I didn’t know it was the tyre, really I didn’t, I didn’t know’ she cried. She was in such a state, I couldn’t be cross. Wife and child got into the Clio, I’d left the engine running with the lights on so I could see what I was doing. Also called the police to tell them that the road was obstructed, and put up the red warning triangle. Spouse and kid both kept getting out the car into the road and standing in the light, I was getting annoyed at that because although the A528 isn’t that busy at night, that bit’s in a dip, it’s a 60mph limit, it’s narrow and twisty, and very very wet and dark. Kept yelling at them to get back in the bl**dy car:rolleyes: The verge was steep and really soft – so much rain, very muddy – but couldn’t move the car out, it was blocking the road as it was. Jacked up the car a bit, hell this thing’s heavy – over one and a half tons - wheelnuts refused to budge, I was yanking at the blimmin things – in the end I thought ‘Ed, you’re gonna have to stand on the spanner’. Pouring down and very cold rain, by this time I was drenched with rain running down my neck, just as well I was wearing my cheap Chinese Blackrocks (copy Magnum HiLegs) instead of my nice Loake shoes. Steadied myself on the roof rail of the car and stood on the spanner and pressed down. Of course, wet spanner, wet boots, wet roof rail = no grip, spanner flew off the nut, and I fell face first into the 4king mud http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_evil.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_evil.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_evil.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_evil.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif My specs ended up in the road http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif Wife and daughter falling about laughing F%*&(£!!! Clothes ruined. Finally got the wheel off, rain pouring through my hair and down my neck, the spare is a small narrow temporary thing. What a job it was to line up the nuts, it was so dark I couldn’t see from the side, and my hands were so muddy and cold that I couldn’t easily tighten the nuts. Finally did it, got the car down, looks like it might even need a new wheel, not just the new tyre – the inner wall is completely shot as the rim cut through it when Anne was driving on it. Because it was such horrible conditions, what should be a 15 minute job took 45 or an hour:rolleyes: Turned round to do thumbs up to wifey and kid – noticed the headlights on the Clio weren’t very bright. It suddenly dawned on me that I couldn’t hear the engine Oh holy sh1t….. she’d turned the bloody engine off, but had left the ignition on, with lights, heater, radio and wipers going. No wonder the battery was flat. ‘Why did you turn the engine off!!!’ ‘I didn’t know…’ more tears. By this stage I was cold, muddy, wet through, painful hands, and hopping mad. I opened the Merc boot again. ‘Where are the jump leads’ ‘I don’t know’. Oh f*ckety f*ck, I’m gonna have to bump start the damn thing on this 4king road in the dark and in the ****ing rain. Full instructions to wife, me and daughter pushing. Heard the starter motor, didn’t start. Grrrrrr http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_twisted.gif http://www.675.cc/675/images/smilies/icon_twisted.gif ‘Were you turning the key?’ ‘Yes, that’s what you told me to do.’ ‘No!!!!!! Just lift the clutch and press the throttle, be careful not to hit any oncoming.’ ‘Oh. Yes. OK’ Pushed Clio back a bit, tried again. Success!! The engine roared into life, the car hopped down the road, narrowly missing the Merc and off she drove into the night with no lights on…… Collected the triangle, jumped in the Merc, rammed it into drive and went off after her. Finally caught her at the fuel station in Ellesmere, where I filled both cars. That’ll be £95, thank you… She decided she would drive the Merc home. I took the Clio, and drove the 40 minutes home, only to be told on arrival ‘Ed I forgot to say, we have no milk.’ OMFG. So off I went to Sainburys, covered in mud and wet through, the cashier threw me a very off look, I simply said ‘women!!!’ and walked out. |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ah! What a lovely story. You are such a great husband for being so understanding, proper knight in shining armour.
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
You honestly must have the patience of a saint, she would have been in the boot within 5 minutes if it was me!
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Proof, finally and as if we needed any.........that women should not be allowed anywhere near motor vehicles. Ed you are a saint for keeping your cool.
PROOF, THAT MEN ARE AWESOME! :cool: |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Been there Ed. Ex and daughter have both done it, driving around on flat tyres. A certain Speedy lady of my acquaintance also needs reminding about checking pressures...
I think a lot of people just don't notice flat tyres. |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ed, you're a gent. The only reason I don't have a story EXACTLY like the one above is that Jo can't drive.
When we've got a car I have already prepared myself for the above type of "family bonding". Wimmin... Jambo |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
You're not filling me with confidence, a womans supposed to be driving my car tonight.
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Proof that you should shell out £45 a year for breakdown cover!
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Hahahaha - here we go with the women bashing!!!
MEN are awesome, most of the time and some women do not know their dipstick from their spark plug so lets not generalise Dan lol. I can change a tyre, check the usual general maintenance on a car and yet still like sparkly, pink stuff and little dogs. I know, I know, God broke the mould when he made me!!!! B) |
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
i feel a Nelson Muntz moment comming on
HaHa |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ed, honestly, did it cross your mind at any point last night that it was dark, there was soft ground near by and that you had a spade in the boot...
:p |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
That's an awesome story :) I could see my wife doing just that sort of thing - which is why I try and show her how to do things herself. I've had her change a perfectly good tire on her car for the experience, she now checks her own tire pressures, oil level etc...
I did get her under the car to change the oil once. This was not easy to do as she was terrified the car would fall (no chance as it was on axle stands). The oil drain bolt on her car (Honda) is in an akward spot on the vertical surface at the back of the pan. She made a real effort to break the bolt free, but it wouldn't budge for her. I was laying beside her so I took over that bit, but... the wrench slipped off and I made contact with a right-cross to her chin :o To be fair it wasn't a solid hit at all (fortunately), but with her nerves rattled already from being under the car there was screaming and sobbing like she was gonna die. She laughs about it now, but I woulnd't have the heart to ask her to get under the car again. |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ed you have the patience of a saint - but well done as for milk i would've told her to get it herself after that but good for you
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
so ED why did you not copper grease the nuts to make them easier tor remove - Surely ever MAN knows that.
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I feel your pain Ed.
Women, computing and engineering prowess, do not mix. FACT. Doesn't matter how much the odd one tells us they can change a tyre or that they are a mechanic with 20 years experience, female mechanics are few are far between, and so are female engineers or female IT people. Don't any women start bleating at me about how I'm being a male chauvinist pig or making generalisations, it's true that the majority of women are useless at these things, and that includes driving a car, FACT! |
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ed - that is a great story...and the sort of thing Mrs H has done on occasion too!
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As for you Ed, I hope that you all got home safe and sound. The funny thing is when the people we love do this sort of thing, we may get a bit grumpy (or in your case soggy and cold), but we do it anyway because we do love them. :o :rolleyes: :eye: I know how that is to lose a tyre in cold horrible rain. I was out with a friend who was driving across Dartmoor on a cold winters day. My friend had not long passed his test and he was getting his confidence up. Sadly he hit a rock at the side of the road and the tyre blew out with a bit of force, dented the rim too and needed a new wheel. The car itself was an ancient Montego thing and the wheel nuts were pretty solid. The pouring rain didn't helps either. The only difference thouh was we could not stop laughing, I got out to give him moral support (point and laugh harder :laughat:) and he swapped the wheel over. Anyway, I hope that Mrs Ed and your lass are OK and you have stopped seething. At least if it ever happens again, Mrs Ed will check the wheels first before phoning you. Another one to chalk down to experience. ;) |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Great story Ed!
Could have just called the breakdown recovery though... ;) |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
There's going to be a weekend lesson on how to change a wheel. And on how to bump start a car, and on 'yes I know that jump leads look untidy in the boot but they're there in acese of emergency':rolleyes:
As re copper grease, yes - but KwikFit replaced all the tyres not long back, not me:p I can laugh about it all now, but last night I was not happy...:p |
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It is because of darling little men like you that nice women like me do not have to get our hands dirty. All we have to do is put on a nice frock, flutter our eye lashes and you lot will, build ships, mine coal, lay motorways, fight wars, fix computers, clean up the cat pooh, walk the dog and pay for the meal. :grin: We know that some of you boys are so insecure in your masculinity that you need a woman to be needful of your strength. Now be a good boy and the nice lady may even give you a little kiss on the cheek to make you blush like a school boy! :oops: One thing I have found in my circle of girlfriends, if you find a woman who can use an angle grinder and a workshop of power tools, it is unlikely she is going to be interested in guys... Trust me :love: My Lass has a full Snap on tool kit from when she first git interested in bikes. She also built her own computer before she bought the Mac. I love my Girlfriend, she is awesome and she can fix my bike when it breaks down. I just put on a nice frock, flutter my eye lashes at her... you get the picture :smt016 |
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This has to be a lie. Ed says he has hair in there :lol:
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It's not about women. The mistake was yours Ed. You believed the diagnosis of someone not qualified to give it. I get this all the time from junior staff as well as gf and kids etc - basically jumping to conclusions. Muppet's Razor - the first thing that springs to mind must be true :mad:
So I've got into the habit of always getting them to describe the symptoms and circumstances instead of believing their diagnosis at face value. Good job I'm not trying to be popular :? But the story was great :grin: |
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
When's the funeral?
That's just one of those days isn't it! Pete ;) |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Ed, well done for being the hero and not losing your temper. Perhaps it's worth investing in one of these ready for next time.
http://www.alpkit.com/gamma |
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Good story Ed. :lol: I felt for you. I really did. :lol:
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Nice story Ed. A true gent.
I do honestly believe that changing a wheel and basic servicing (ie how to check & fill the oil, water/antifreeze levels, how to check battery connections..etc) should be part of the Driving Test. In Munster, Germany back in 1994 we ran a open school day for all the wifes who wanted to know how to change a wheel and motoring basics, when their husbands were on tour in Northern Ireland. 20ish show'd up to learn. We did this again just before I left RAF Leeming... Not one person decided to show up as it was raining quite hard that day. (shouldn't have mattered as we had the enitre workshops empited) |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
I think people who can't do simple things on bikes are worse, life is literally on the line
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Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
I do have some hair - I let it grow a bit - I now sport about a centimetre of fluff:eek: Can't say I like it but it keeps the laydeez happy and it's a bit warmer in a cold wind:grin:
Oh yeah, of all the cars that drove past in about an hour and a quarter stranded on the roadside, only two stopped to see if they could help. I also called the police to let them know there was an obstruction and I thought I might have a friendly drive-by visit, this being a main road and all, but I guess they were busy. I did call them after to say that the road was clear. Didn't have the 0845 number so I dialled 999, and the operator clearly didn't have a clue where Ellesmere is. Could have been talking to her anywhere, I guess. |
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excellent story, cant come to her defense though :rolleyes: |
Re: Why I love my wife - an evening on the A528
Such a gentleman, Ed.
A well deserved tipple or two last night then? My sister drove home from work and came here cos she heard afunny noise. No 4king wonder. Told her she needed to change the wheel, which meant we had to. Where's the socket for the locking nut? The what? Women in my family shouldn't own cars, in my unpopular opinion. Mum is worse, she knows how to do everything, and has consciously decided not to. Gets my goat :( |
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Sounds like it would have been a funnier watch that Gavin & Stacey :lol:
Well done mate, keeping the male end up and all that :thumbsup: |
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