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advice about problem child.
OK folks i would like to ask some advice, specifically of people with kids as this is a bit of a tough one.
Where i live its a nice place. People are nice and everyones happy. Thing is there’s a family at the other end of the street to me that can, on occasion, be a bit of a pain. Last year we had loud music and such late into the night. Yes i know you could say i terrorise the street with my bike but hey ho. Im not complaining about that yet. Nowthen next door has moved out and their kid was not aloud to associate with this familys kid at the top of the street as he was “a bad un” since theyve moved out this kid has started messing about around the back of ours and next doors house. Last night i told him to bugger off and the little scroat tried chucking a water bomb. Now its all fun and games this, nothing too serious. BUT our lass has also had to stop this kid from jumping on other peoples cars! And hes got the “you cant touch me” attitude. Next door told us not to get involved as they said last time they spoke to his parents they were threatened with violence. This is not something i can have happening. So what do i do? I don’t want to bring trouble and i don’t want this little angel around our house or my bike. I don’t want to risk cracking him as i cant give the “i would do the same to my kids line” and i would probably have the police at my door. So im stuck as to what to do? i would move but dont have the 60k available :( |
Re: advice about problem child.
Mass rideout to yours and a polite word with the family :)
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Ste. Tapatalk |
Re: advice about problem child.
Whilst I don't have kids, strangely enough, I sometimes get involved in this kind of thing (read sometimes as frequently).
Seeing as it hasn't escalated into damage or anything - try talking to him! Does he run around with any other kids or is he on his todd? He might be bored! If he already knows you have a bike and you don't mind showing him it, why not see if you can get him interested in helping you with stuff, even if it's just washing it and things. Obviously, this is just a suggestion but if he likes you, then the chances are he won't want to upset you by damaging stuff etc.... EDIT - I realise being bored is not an excuse but unfortunately it's commonly true! |
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If he already knows you have a bike and you don't mind showing him it, why not see if you can get him interested in helping you with stuff, even if it's just washing it and things. Obviously, this is just a suggestion but if he likes you, then the chances are he won't want to upset you by damaging stuff etc....![/QUOTE] Yeah but he might tell his scrotier (a new word I've just made up) mates about his chum who lives in no 23 with that awesome green bike, and they'll come to 'see' it. |
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So, Andy doesn't want to go to parents, he's tried telling him to bugger off, he doesn't seem to want Police involved and he can't give him a clout these days.....What's your bright idea to sort it then? Andy I don't know this kid but I would seriously try just having a conversation with him! |
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We had a similar problem with a family down the street from us, they're house belonged to a housing association and they used to terrorise the street. Luckily for us there is a police curfew so groups of 2 or more youths we can call the police and have them moved on. Anyway the family we had a problem with got so bad that there was fights and everything in the streets (i wasn't involved was my neighbour accused the kids of robbing stuff from his garden) eventually a little petition was started and last summer the housing association moved them to anothe estate across town because of their anti- social behaviour.
Tell you what though feels good to let my kids out without having to worry about them being threatened with knives by other 10 year olds etc, and its very quiet now. I am just amazed how one family can cause so many problems. Could contact the Police they can send a PCSO round to have a workd about the noise/vandalism etc. |
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My feeling is that kids like these exploit the adult's politeness and restrain and push their limits. For some reason I don't think talking nicely with him will compensate for the lack of common sense and discipline his parents have neglected to teach him. Go to the police and claim any damages to your property.
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I don't think by Andy speaking to him he will become a saint by any means, just going along the lines that if he likes Andy, he will leave Andys stuff alone! |
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Some years ago i ended up doing security on 3 blocks of flats in Salford, they were rough. Some of the locals would put needles under the stair handrails to stick you and worse. The kids were special, they would give the security soooo much abuse, smash their car windows, set fire to their motorbikes and so on. My team of 3 guards never had this problem. I could give the kids a £20 to go to the shop and get me food, drink, fags and so on, they would come back to the security lodge with receipt and change worrying incase it wasnt right. Why the difference, gaining their trust, showing them respect and treating them like humans and not like filth. Always worth a chat to get to know someone, kids wont show any respect if you dont show it yourself. No disrespect Andy but telling him to bugger off wont help your cause, they know they are untouchable, parents sound like they dont give a shyt, might be as said, bored to death and wants some attention. Get him onside, easier than fighting em.
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Lad like that in my old street, "you cant touch me nah nah" so I nearly ran him down one day when he cycled towards my car on the wrong side of the road, he jumped last minute up the kerb and fell **** over tit,
he knew not to fuk with me again.. I do not condone these actions and in fairness I would try talking to him, failing that use authorities or the police to try and kerb his behavior.. failing that a quiet pasting by a random in a mask might see the little **** right.. or what electro said.. |
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On a more constructively note Andy. I had a lad lived next door when I lived in York that was on a downward path... Mum and step Dad were trying hard to keep him under control but he was a mentalist (needed medicines it turned out) He got help when mum had him arrested for smashing up their house for no reason, he flipped out, and he was properly assessed... The point of the story is I never had any trouble from him after I nipped it in the bud. He threw some stones into our garden when the kids were out playing and the stones smashed a window in the shed... I went round and spoke to him, in front of parents and made him pay for the window. I told him if he didn't mess with my family or my stuff the window would be bygones and I'd treat him like anyone else, but that if he did mess with me I'd 'deal' with him. I told him if he wanted my respect then he needed to earn it by treating my family (and his) with respect first. Seemed to hit home as he was quite pleasant to us after that. So MBK is right, try talking to him and make him realise if he wants to be treated as an equal, he needs to behave like one. Might work. |
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ABC required! Acceptable Behaviour Contracts tho not sure how you guys run with ASB down south.
Up here ASBO's are not given out like sweets. Nothing criminal about ABC. If you think that the boy's alright then try to talk to him and explain - sometime the exterior does not match the interior. after all he's only human and we all have the basic needs - respect being one. You might be surprised how he reacts to be spoken to like an adult - however if you say there will be follow up action makes sure you stick to it a broken wordis never nice at any age. personally I wouldn't take the word of next door - as you don't know what was said and how it was said to the parents and what was threatened and an investigator will always ask this question. Best to try to talk to parents as they have not done/said anything to you. If it falls on deaf ears then let the LA know and let them deal with it. There is children panels and ABC and under 16's ASBO and many interventions that can be put into place. If all else fails dark alley dark night and seven shades - they don't like it being done to them! " eventually a little petition was started and last summer the housing association moved them to anothe estate across town because of their anti- social behaviour." Don't you just love the fact that no-one tries to solve the situation just move it about for someone else to suffer. |
Re: advice about problem child.
I would go and speak to his parents myself, He is their responsibility at the end of the day, and I would think it a bit unfair to get the authorities involved without giving them a chance to sort it themselves. Your next door neighbours warned you off but it could be that they went in a little hot and angry words were exchanged, I dont know. If you go and have a civil, calm, polite converstion with them about their kids behaviour, that may be all thats needed. If they start getting argumentative and/or threatening, walk away, if they threaten violence then you will have some recourse. Obviously I dont have all the facts but given what you have said, if I were in your shoes, thats what I would do.
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Not my idea for the petition, tbh i didn't even sign it as i was always at work and it was the neighbours immediately around them that did it. Although my mother in law who lived 2 doors from them had no trouble as she befriended the eldest lad and he used to help her out in the garden, we never had any probs either think its coz my eldest lad used to help him fix his bike. LA's are useless they won't deal with the problem they will just move it. |
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Davey - not a dig at you personally a dig a HA who always seem to shift the problem - having major problems with 3 at the moment who just keep shifting a few ASB tenants about rather than deal with it- as LA means we can get enough case evidence to build a legal case and its doing my end in!!
I pity those with ASB round them - I have a scatter flat under me and everyone send me to sort it out as I can quote the legislation at them. normally no trouble I must admit once spoke to! |
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No offence taken, just thought i'd explain, i do feel sorry for these kids coz it seems their parents dnt care and they spend their childhood gettin shifted from house to house and cnt put any roots down or make nay real friends
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Re: advice about problem child.
Like you say Andy, there's no point in threatening him with a clip round the ear cos he knows it won't happen. His parents won't do anything and the cops probably can't.
I think MBK and others are on the right track in trying to befriend the lad - or at least be nice to him when he's not making a nuisance of himself. You might be the only one in the street that is, and his own folks don't sound like they're doing much parenting. Sadly, the die might be cast for this young lad already and he'll just continue to live up to his reputation. I think it's worth a try though. In this day and age, of course, you'll need to be careful you're not accused of being a nonce. :rolleyes: |
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Cheers for the advice folks.
The last little bugger was (ask mbk said) just bored. We spoke to him and he became a good friend. The nicest bit was when i parked my bike up he told my lass "dont touch that bit it can get really hot" :D Anyhow I'll see how i get on. You can talk to the lad but if hes there swinging on a gate and you tell him to stop and he doesnt thats when im at a loss what to do really. I dont want to get the police involved as aparently if you do move you have to declare any troubble youve had? Anyhow ho hum. :( |
Re: advice about problem child.
BEnd him over a barrell .that'll learn him.
ALso had success with the show and discuss the bike approach |
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We had problems with a mummys little soldier.
He was abusive, kicked footballs at our cars and was caught letting down our lads van tyres. We tried to have a word with his parents who were in denial and said it was our son (age 18 at the time) verbally abusing their little boy (about 14). Absolutely no joy with them. So next time they kick the ball at my lad as he is driving up the road. He anchors on, jumps out and they scarper. but one falls over and hurts his knee. We know nothing until the police call to arrest my lad for assaulting little soldiers friend. Who made the complaint, not the so called victims parents. Little soldier mummy who thought it wrong my son should stop his van and cause the injury to little soldier friend. Unfortunately just to get out, our lad accepted a caution. I am still waiting the opportunity to give little soldiers parents a piece of my very opinionated mind. But they are too cowardly to walk past my door. As for other problem families, one down the road from me (thieving gits, and amateur drug dealers) got a visit from the local proper drug dealer, after the ambulance left the house went on the market pretty quickly. sometimes it is useful to know people who can have a none too polite word. |
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I am not PC as far as this kind of thing is concerned but "Old school"--Do unto others etc
Take from that what you want |
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Is the house this lad lives in rented from the local authority??, if so his parents would probs be responsible for his behaviour in accordance with their tenancy agreement. I've worked with my local authority tenancy enforcement officers when they've needed to attend a house to take some action & needed me along to prevent a breach of the peace etc.
You'd be surprised at how quickly a parent can & indeed does learn to ascert parental control when 1) faced with eviction for breach of tenancy agreement, 2) the council advise them that once evicted they are under no obligation to re-house them even if it means homelessness. The same can also be said for a private housing association or similar, most of the reputable ones share information so getting another one to re-house you when you've been blacklisted can be tough. If it's a private landlord situation, find out who the landlord is & keep on at them. I know where this has been done to good effect. Apparently a landlord will switch off their mobile phone of an evening/night-time if they are constantly bombarded with local residents complaining about their "trouble" tenants; AND, apparently the same can be said for when the landlord later switches said phone back on to find that they have 11 voicemail messages & 29 text messages all about the same thing. :smt040:smt040:smt014:smt077:smt077:smt077 |
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You could video tape him on offence while making sure he sees you doing that. If that doesn't put him off, you can send a compilation to the parents or use it as evidence.
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I live in the middle of an ex council estate, and as all the scroats have moved onwards, everyone of them will no doubt tell you that you don't pee off the woman with the bikes:mrgreen:
I couldn't give a gnats ar$e whose family they come from, they all get the same treatment if i think they are out of order. I'll even put the parents in place when they come knocking! I remember one night I came back off a 12 hour shift in the dark and there was a rope tied across the street, at head height waiting for me and two kids running in their house. I parked up at home went down the street and knocked until someone came out. By the time I'd finished, not only did they feel like crap for doing it, but they were always the lovely polite kids I expected if I was anywhere in earshot......or if my curtains twiched. I've also had a run in, in front of all the nieghbours with a group of pi$$ed up teenage lasses over the road.....after a 12 hr shift! Put it this way, a plastic bottle of cider being wafted in front of me as a girl goes on a rant, isn't very nice.....and she ended up wearing it, just as two coppers came walking down the street :) She got escorted home, and the lass whose house it was, was sent round the day after to apologise by her mother, never a party there after that....and if there was.....my curtains twitched and it went quiet! So Andy....wanna hand?:smt040 I come with very good credentials:takeabow: The kids round here live in terror of ****ing off Dylans mom hehehehehehhee |
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cheers dizz but its not my cuppa cha really. Im a lover not a hater and all that :D
will see if we can get him onside first but its not a regular occurance he ventures down to the bottom end of the street. just with the warm weather and all i need to get this sorted asap. |
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Oh trust me Andy, so am I....but, theres a way to talk to kids of a 'certain nature' and by the time you've finished, they have utmost respect, and more often than not, when doing something they shouldn't, give up immediately as soon as they hear your voice.
I don't have a nine and half year old, with the manners of saint for nothing ya know ;) |
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I laughed hard at the mass rideout idea! :)
I feel for you dude, I was in the exact same situation a couple of years back. I bought my first house in what I thought was a nice cul-de-sac however very quickly I realised what a nuisance kids could be in a road they felt safe in and with parents who couldn't give a toss. The kids would play outside every day which wouldn't bother me if they were well behaved. I could even put up with the odd football hitting my car or going in my garden. However there was just general mayhem, kids leaning against my car, sitting on my garden fence until it eventually came down. I came home one day from work to find they had de-headed all the flowers in my garden. When I looked at the most troublesome oike, he was waving one of the flowers from side to side whilst eye-balling me. I tried making friends with them but it got me no where. And the one time I tried speaking to one of the parents, they just denied their kid was misbehaving. In the end I packed up and moved away. That hasn't helped you at all has it. Try everyone elses advice. However if it gets to the point where the police need calling out, that comes up in your survey when moving house so be careful. |
Re: advice about problem child.
buy/borrow a really big scary barky dog. Or alternatively ignore the bad behaviour, I know its hard but he will get bored if he is not getting a reaction and move onto annoying someone else who reacts.
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Keep a diary...film him. How old is this child...roughly?
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This kind of stuff winds me up. You just cant do anything about it because of stuff. You see them on the TV etc smashing peoples houses up and terrorizing areas.
It gets to me that in modern society the thugs, vandals, and generals nuisances get away with it, because they seem more protected than the people they are annoying. As to what to do. I would have a word, and i would even go and confront the parents. Keep a diary of events. Personally, i would take matters into my own hands and face the consequences im afraid. POpele like this need to be shown how to act responsibly. Hell, im only 39 but i remember when this kind of stuff just didnt happen, the police had powers to do stuff,and they were respected by local yoofs. Do you have any PSCO's pr a bobby on the beat? Have a chat to them if you do. |
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Tearaway kids are nothing new. Now I might have my own rose-tinted specs on, but what seems to be a new development is that we now expect the authorities to deal with even minor nuisances that we should be sorting out amongst ourselves. The police have got no role to play unless it gets serious IMO. Opinion varies on how you deal with it and I'm more at the "peace and love" end of the spectrum these days. Having said that, I've not had to deal with a situation like Andy's for a number of years fortunately, so it's easy to be mellow about it now. |
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It's a child, don't befriend it, don't take any pictures. It's only acting out to get attention.
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Similar problem in my neighbourhood
2 boys and a single mum after she'd kicked her husband out for gambling all their money away. She'd throw noisey parties on Friday & Saturday nights and her two teenage boys would invite their friends round, plenty of drink consumed, with the usual consequences. Loud music until early hours of the morning and giving their next door neighbours hell. Went on for months, plus other trouble with one of the sons having gangs of youths come round to punch his lights out for various reasons. I'd had my car damaged and came down to find vomit on the windscreen after one party. Neighbours had finally had enough and called the police in, we were asked if we'd keep a log of incidents, which I was happy to do. I didn't want to confront the sons, as my eldest was at the same school as one of them. I'd done it once before, to no effect. So PCSO went round and read them the riot act, and things have stopped. But she'd also got a boy friend and he'd sort the sons out, whilst he was there. He's gone now, so we'll have to see what happens over the summer, now its warm enough for her to have a party outside. But I'd recommend the Police route in some instances |
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I hate this stupid PC bollox, young kids rule the world and you cant even shout at them without getting in trouble. They can run around smashing stuff up and intimidating people.
What ever happened to giving them a smack, oh wait they claim that it damages the kid for ever if you touch them in any way. Strange how no one in the previous generation I know are mentally traumatised. My mum, dad and grandparents tell me many stories of how their teacher give them a crack for being cheeky with my dad getting a few kickin’s of the police About 2 months ago a bunch of 8 lads between 13 and 18 started kicking fence panels in and chucked a bottle at our house, lets just say the 3 we managed to collar have not been back since |
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I vote for kidnap, drive him at least 150 miles away to a remote area and dump him, let him find his own way back.
He will certainly be a changed kid when he gets back. |
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