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Jabba's Friday afternoon laugh-in

These are metaphors from actual GCSE essays. Honest. Some new ones, too :lol:

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her chest heaving like a student on 99p-a-pint night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Love it. :D

Very good indeed! :lol:

Em, They are similies - only a couple are metaphors :roll:

Sorry - They're fantastic!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

:lol:

Re: Jabba's Friday afternoon laugh-in

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jabba

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jabba

She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

:smt042 :smt043 :smt044

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stu

Em, They are similies - only a couple are metaphors :roll:

Sorry - They're fantastic!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

SEE stu i got it all :wink: i bet bill gates is sh1ting himself

Very very old but very very good :)
One that used to be on the list (at least the US versions!) and my personal favourite:
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Some of these would actually be quite clever comedic writing if done intentionally

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." Good use of irony for example.

Funny whether they're intentional or not :D

Hovi5
When you do it like this

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

In at work at the moment, did look at this last night but didn't have time to answer it properly (all that quote stuff takes time), I've got about 20 minutes whilst the network probe gathers data, so here goes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

OK, I’ve just spent at least 10 minutes writing this, I expect some good replies.

I shall do my best but sarah aint in today to join in :lol:

I’m sure she’ll be along shortly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

What I can make out is,
Unless your tyre is worn like a track or race tyre, you’re a B*llsh*tter. (According to two contributors apparently)
Which as you maybe able to tell I don’t agree with,

not quite what I am saying but ok I can understand how you got that from what I have typed

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I smell a dirty doggy dodo!(bull**** scores more than doggy do)

Ok what does that mean then ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

]even with spirited road riding thrown in it wouldn’t result in the type of wear Joe expects.(not many corners are like clearways/ Clark's in the real world).

I am not expecting to see the sort of wear from a road tyre that you get on a raced/tracked tyre,

From your previous comments that’s less that clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I get better lean angles on my thundershat!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I would have expected higher wear at about 3/4 lean, the same as you get on race bikes

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

You have also seen the trye wear that occors when you exit clearways really fast spinning the rear, you get wear 3/4 or the way accross the tyre on the right hand side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

road/work & commuting use is totally different to track use

agreed

As I said previously, I don’t believe you can do that to a road tyre safely, apart from as you say Road racing, so we can agree on this point then I take it ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

you to have caused this wear by spinning the rear but not while cranked over

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

made no claims of any lean angles, the terms I used was “spin the back up out of corners”.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

Instead you have to roll on throttle through the apex and when the bike has a fairly straight line out and is mostly upright, only then can you gun it inducing power wheel spin off the throttle and control it,

you were the only one mentioning “cranked over”

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

Having gone through 7-8 rears each year, none have worn the same as Joe suggests,

Mark if I had seen any of your tyres being worn anything like you percieve me to have been suggesting I would offer you a little more respect, and question your statements less.

Joe if commanding your respect requires riding on public roads to that extent, I’ll pass thanks. O and feel free to question anything, but surely you don’t need me to tell you that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

Not believing the Triumph can wheel spin of the throttle alone, just shows they haven’t owned a 140bhp triumph before, so I can sort of understand that being unbelievable to them, true though it is (well Ok a bit of exaggeration
there, 138.9 bhp in truth)

well you are right, I have never owned a triumph,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

I find it hard to believe that anyone knows what my Speedo indicated at full wack, as even I didn’t, not taking in to account svracer knowledge (or lack) of the modifications made to my bike, when you consider I don’t think I’ve ever been introduce or been on a ride out with her ? Apart from an uninformed opinion, I can’t see how she would know whether it was true or not. Perhaps coming from a 72bhp SV race bike her perceptions are different?

I shall leave this one for sarah I think

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

As for sarah does an R1 count as a fast enough and powerfull enough bike for her to base her arguments on? Just coz she races a 'slow' bike

I’m reluctant to comment on things I don’t have all the facts on, but if drawn,

Surely she should know 170 is more that possible on the speedo, but doesn’t mean the road speed was what was indicated, and riding an R1 this should have been even more evident, unless of course the speedo has been calibrated to be more accurate than factory.

I had an indicated 140 on the SV speedo and with three gps’s they only indicated 131, and I know the error increases the faster the speedo reads.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

And as you can read even Joe’s mistyped post about 70-80% better ability, rather that just call it b*llsh*t, I chose to point out what his error could have been, allowing him to correct or explain, but then that’s just me, I suppose.

hey I did ask you to "clarify" as I was obviously having dificulties understanding what you were suggesting, so don't get all righteous and holier than thou on me.

Bad choice of words, I’m agnostic so “Holier” isn’t something I’m ever going to be, but I haven’t called anyone a b*llsh*er, so far.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

And as for Ego, well being a timid person, I have to make grandiose claims on the forum, as I don’t say much when at the meets :lol:

Cheers Mark.

maybe, maybe not. I am not gonna get into a slaging match with ya.

Seems you are already, but I’d call it lively debate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I do know a fair amount as you do about riding

To be honest Joe I’ve only ever followed you when I’ve been on an SV650 and you on better handling and more powerful machinery , so am reluctant to comment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

perhaps I’m getting old and slow these days,

although on these occasions I pretty much matched your pace even on what was it you called the SV ? o Yeah a "slow bike". :wink:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

perhaps as you are an old f*rt now :wink: you 'know' more than me?,

I was unaware I'd claimed more knowledge than you ? but thinking about it ??????

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

perhaps you being an old f*rt :wink: have forgotten things and are loosing your marbles :lol: ,

Could be true ? but fortunately I’ve still retained enough to carry on riding for a few more years yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

you believe as I have not owened a triumph(does that bit matter)

I’m sure you noticed the difference in power characteristics between the V twin TL and the Thundercat IL4, would you claim them to be the same ?

Though not, well a triumph triple is something different to both ( and a modified one even more so), and judging by your responses perhaps being familiar with them would make my comments more understandable to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

so what do you say we call it at we are different people that have different thoughts and do things in different ways?!?

If you insist, although I do enjoy this and reserve the right to reply to svracers comment, which she will no doubt add.

How's that, got to go, I'll try to re-visit this afternoon for rebuttal :lol:

Cheers Mark.

Bill gates will be worried :lol:
Sorry everyone else for the derail

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stu

rictus01 wrote:
In at work at the moment, did look at this last night but didn't have time to answer it properly (all that quote stuff takes time), I've got about 20 minutes whilst the network probe gathers data, so here goes.

Itching 2 go wrote:
rictus01 wrote:

OK, I’ve just spent at least 10 minutes writing this, I expect some good replies.
I shall do my best but sarah aint in today to join in

I’m sure she’ll be along shortly

Itching 2 go wrote:
rictus01 wrote:
What I can make out is,
Unless your tyre is worn like a track or race tyre, you’re a B*llsh*tter. (According to two contributors apparently)
Which as you maybe able to tell I don’t agree with,
not quite what I am saying but ok I can understand how you got that from what I have typed

stuff

WTF is all that about? Derail? Jeez! I thought I'd gone through a time warp or something and landed in the middle of a totally random set of events.

Original post very funny though. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Made I chuckle, see. :lol:

Re: Jabba's Friday afternoon laugh-in

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jabba

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

These are all ace. I thought it was all going to be crap similes and metaphors, not deliberate ones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bellerophon

[
WTF is all that about? Derail? Jeez! I thought I'd gone through a time warp or something and landed in the middle of a totally random set of events.

:

Yeah sorry - but he started it! :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stu

Hovi5
When you do it like this

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

OK, I’ve just spent at least 10 minutes writing this, I expect some good replies.

I shall do my best but sarah aint in today to join in :lol:

I’m sure she’ll be along shortly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

What I can make out is,
Unless your tyre is worn like a track or race tyre, you’re a B*llsh*tter. (According to two contributors apparently)
Which as you maybe able to tell I don’t agree with,

not quite what I am saying but ok I can understand how you got that from what I have typed

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I smell a dirty doggy dodo!(bull**** scores more than doggy do)

Ok what does that mean then ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

]even with spirited road riding thrown in it wouldn’t result in the type of wear Joe expects.(not many corners are like clearways/ Clark's in the real world).

I am not expecting to see the sort of wear from a road tyre that you get on a raced/tracked tyre,

From your previous comments that’s less that clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I get better lean angles on my thundershat!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I would have expected higher wear at about 3/4 lean, the same as you get on race bikes

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

You have also seen the trye wear that occors when you exit clearways really fast spinning the rear, you get wear 3/4 or the way accross the tyre on the right hand side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

road/work & commuting use is totally different to track use

agreed

As I said previously, I don’t believe you can do that to a road tyre safely, apart from as you say Road racing, so we can agree on this point then I take it ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

you to have caused this wear by spinning the rear but not while cranked over

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

made no claims of any lean angles, the terms I used was “spin the back up out of corners”.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

you were the only one mentioning “cranked over”

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

Having gone through 7-8 rears each year, none have worn the same as Joe suggests,

Mark if I had seen any of your tyres being worn anything like you percieve me to have been suggesting I would offer you a little more respect, and question your statements less.

Joe if commanding your respect requires riding on public roads to that extent, I’ll pass thanks. O and feel free to question anything, but surely you don’t need me to tell you that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

well you are right, I have never owned a triumph,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

I shall leave this one for sarah I think

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

As for sarah does an R1 count as a fast enough and powerfull enough bike for her to base her arguments on? Just coz she races a 'slow' bike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

hey I did ask you to "clarify" as I was obviously having dificulties understanding what you were suggesting, so don't get all righteous and holier than thou on me.

Bad choice of words, I’m agnostic so “Holier” isn’t something I’m ever going to be, but I haven’t called anyone a b*llsh*er, so far.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

And as for Ego, well being a timid person, I have to make grandiose claims on the forum, as I don’t say much when at the meets :lol:

Cheers Mark.

maybe, maybe not. I am not gonna get into a slaging match with ya.

Seems you are already, but I’d call it lively debate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

I do know a fair amount as you do about riding

To be honest Joe I’ve only ever followed you when I’ve been on an SV650 and you on better handling and more powerful machinery , so am reluctant to comment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rictus01

perhaps I’m getting old and slow these days,

although on these occasions I pretty much matched your pace even on what was it you called the SV ? o Yeah a "slow bike". :wink:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

perhaps as you are an old f*rt now :wink: you 'know' more than me?,

I was unaware I'd claimed more knowledge than you ? but thinking about it ??????

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

perhaps you being an old f*rt :wink: have forgotten things and are loosing your marbles :lol: ,

Could be true ? but fortunately I’ve still retained enough to carry on riding for a few more years yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

you believe as I have not owened a triumph(does that bit matter)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Itching 2 go

so what do you say we call it at we are different people that have different thoughts and do things in different ways?!?

Bill gates will be worried :lol:
Sorry everyone else for the derail

I remember that at the time. Rictus took quotes from about 5 pages of a particular thread. 20 minutes work :?: Would have taken me 20 hours. No actually it wouldn't have taken me anytime at all as I wouldn't have had the patience. :lol:

As for the original thread here. Damn funny. :lol: