So what do i do next?
 

All,

thought id share this with u to get some idependant views.

A few years ago i met my new missus. now she has a child from a previuos relationship. He was only 2 when we got together. I have brought him up to be one of my own and giving him equal love a cherish as i do my own child.

Heres the problem....

A year into my mnissus and her ex splitting up he stops paying mainataince for his son. They always had a n arrangment to pay outside CSA. He defaulted on this and when we asked him to pay he refused said he was my responsability now.(dads a knob). So my ex takes him to the csa. Finally cathc up with him and he starts paying.

while all this is going on his dad used to see him every other weekend, then down to once a month, then to nothing.

The other day he turns up out the blue whilst i wa not at home. He grabs my missus by the throat and threatens to beat her unless she gets csa of his back. !0 mins later i get a phone call dive home but he was gone.

NOW....we phone the police who then arrest him and let him of with a caution as there is no evidence.

Now my temper is weearing thin with guy, but my step son doesnt want me to hurt his daddy.

God im wondering what i do now, because im seroiusly thinking of making sure this guy eats his next meal through a straw.

what would you do?

Re: So what do i do next?
 

I'm not telling you what to do or condone violence in any way, but I would treat him the same way he treated ex.
Even if I got nicked because he was wet and grass me to the police, I would still feel I'd done something, but then as a father and a husband now there are things I might not have done the same many years ago.
P.S. this is my own view on this situation and has nothing to do with the org, and is only theoryetical in any case.

P.P.S. Remember everyone else please feel free express your views but be careful about what you say, as your entitled to you view but they are not representative of the 'org' as a whole, if you feel really strong about it then give 'blueto' a PM.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

If I were you and could afford to do so I'd 'get them off his back' and cut him out of your lives completely. It's a chance for you to step up and take first place, don't let a piece of **** like this threaten what you have. Perhaps a letter through a solicitor stating he can refuse to pay, that you won't take further action but then he can't expect to come waltzing in to see his son as that threatens his stability.

You've got the upper hand... keep it however annoying it may be to see him face to face.

I don't have kids, a wife or any experience whatsoever here, so feel free to dismiss it all :)

Re: So what do i do next?
 

Yeah,

I'd be inclined to cut him out all together but via the courts. No pay, no see.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

Much more sensable options from everyone else you see, I'd go with those...

Re: So what do i do next?
 

Id agree with big ape on this one but be careful how its handled cos it WILL affect your stepson and could cause problems for you and him in the long run, I wouldnt stoop to his level mate no matter how tempting it is, he,s obviously a waste of space, go through the police, the courts whatever, but dont get invovled in a ruck, you,ll end up the loser, keep your chin up blueto.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

Trouble with cutting him out entirely is that your step-son may see it as "you've made my daddy go away" at some point, but I still think this is the best idea. It sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with the child, and as a provably violent person that's probably for the best.

I'm sorry you have to go through this mate, it's always a difficult situation.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

Is there anyway to get some kind of restraining order on him (or is that just an American thing?) so he can't come within x-metres of Ex or son unless supervised.
Then if he does at least the police will have cause to do something/charge him/arrest him/dunno - something.

Then he keeps paying for the son he brought into the world and can still visit him if he arranges a supervised visit = you haven't then either hurt 'daddy' or made him go away, just made sure he behaves himself... in the son's eyes (hopefully).


Don't have kids myself, or any legal knowledge, or any kind of experience like this at all... but just my thoughts.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

I dont' know enough about your circumstances but I would still make him pay via the csa/courts.

He pays & he gets contact with his child for as long as the child wishes. If the child decides to no longer see him then come to another arrangement.

Re: So what do i do next?
 

There is, but it is an extremely difficult and it's a very long process. Sometimes the process can make things ten times worse rather than better.