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A Valentines present from me to me...(Image heavy)

It's getting round to that time of year again, single, the last one night stand over 168 hours ago, evenings lengthening, temperatures starting to rise, holidays to burn, a young(ish) body to abuse, cash in the bank, a move in the next month, no ties, free, single....

So this valentine's day I was left with two options;

1) Get the twenty minute train to Amsterdam on Friday night, go to a coffee shop to not drink coffee, raid the automated take away stall for some kroket and bami to quench the hunger pangs, head off to some sort of comedy club to catch a few zeds in security before being thrown out by a bouncer from Surinam. Then head up town to disappear with a hazy head and a wh0re from who knows where, for some of the bendiest ballet you could ever ask for. Wake up with a half pilfered wallet, a head full of mong inwho knows what post code, not to mention 101 diseases, still hungry, still thirsty.

2) Wake up early before 7am, have a strapping 3 mugs of Yorkshire Tea, a bowl of Frosties and cycle to the hire van place. Get the van and ramp, head south of Utrecht to pick up a black Japanese beauty who will only do what I want, but at a price, mainly lots of 50 euro notes, but I have her for as long as I desire. Down the post office to hand over the title before letting the previous boss take her up the ramp for one last time. I strap her down, not quite bukake style, some cushions are provided and head off, gentle braking, but still a stop at a service station for some krocket and bami. Get home and just about to manhandle the middleweight out of the back of the van whilst chatting to neighbours about the pros and cons of getting in trouble with the politie. Get her wet and give her a rub down before pushing her in to the garage for some private time.