Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

Evening All..

Need a few varying opinions..

Kitten and I are getting married in November, and I have the usual but unfortunate sittuation of My Mum and dad being divorced.

My Dad is remarried to a woman I get on with fine but have never been brilliant and at my brothers wedding she didnt sit on the top table.

My dad broached this subject with me and politley asked if we could let him know where she would be sitting as she wasnt happy being seperated at my brothers wedding. Kitten and I discussed this and arranged for her to be seated on a table with her brother and familly she knew very well.

It later transpires and finally when My dad whas utterly honest with me that he would rather not be on the top table and sit with her than be on the top table and not be with her.....

I am utterly ****ing livid....

I have buckeled and ended up seating them both at the top table as I really really want my dad there but Kitten is mad and I am so torn up about it...... It doesnt help that they have also just donated a siginificant wedge of cash to help pay for it all,

I just cant help feeling Like I have sold seats at the top table...

I give up, Do I leave it like it is or do I change it all to try and appease my feeling of AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

its difficult mate and I dont know what to suggest but I really feel the worry and pain and anger for you.. you dont need it do ya.. weddings are real stressful..

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

I know its easier said than done but just roll with it, its only a issue if you and your missus let it become one.
The day is for you two not everyone else, just dont pay any attention to it and as long as it doesnt cause fights, let it be.

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

It's a really hard one mate and you need to use tact but be firm if it means that much, which I totally understand. The places at the table are for those that brought you into the world to send you off into marriage......your step mum did not bring you into the world and so it a place for your father and mother who won't be sat together anyway.

Try and find other ways that your step mother can have a more prominent role and it might be well worth both going and talking to her if you can as well. She no doubt wants to be seen as your dads wife in front of the larger family and not as the "new" wife or "other woman". That's fine and understandable, but the wedding day is about you too...not her and your dad.

I can't stress enough, talk to your dad and do it sooner rather than later. Speaking from experience, parents will only get their way in telling you what to do until you stop allowing it. We all do it when we're in our teens and early twenties, but getting a bit older, you get times when your parents have to realise that they just don't get to tell you any more and start seeing you for an equal and not the child that they can have influence over.

This is your wedding and those attending are doing so at your invitation and therefore will be seated according to your plan. That's it. Just use reasuurance and tact and hopefully your father will realise that he/his wife are being selfish here. If they don't...tell them they are!

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

I agree with specialone too, but it sounds like this is something Kitten really doesn't want and if that's the case, then you should put her first and your dad should understand that.

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

I agree totally.

Tell your dad that it's not about him and his wife, it's about you and your wife to be, and if he can't handle that then "tarra, see you at the evening do instead then".

Actually, my initial advice was going to be "Don't get married cos it's like buying meat on hire purchase", but I didn't think that'd go down too well.

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

actually i was going to say, your dad's new wife is your step-mom. so not sitting her at the top table is a bit of an insult dont you think. same applies to your mum if she has a partner. so why would your wife to be not be happy at this.

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

My mum and dad were divorced the first time I married, as luck would have it my dad realised he wasn't going to get invited at all (apart from a back row seat at the church with his new wife) so the reception nonsense didn't crop up!

[edit] Thinking more about your predicament, I would suggest that you need to remember who's "big day" it is....

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

Weddings always seem to caused family rifts, but if you are going to seat your dad and his wife at the top table offer the same to your mum. Step parents in the scheme of things are not to be at the top table unless one or other of your parents have died.

Re: Sodding Familly....& Wedding
 

im divorced from my kids dad. My kids live with me and my new partner. I would be really upset if my new partner was not seated at the top table if/when my kids get married. But that is because he lives with them and helps me bring them up. If your step mum has not brought you up then she has no more right to be at the top table than any other relative at the wedding. Its you and Kitten's day and there will be enough stress without this. Maybe involve step mum in plans will appease her. Go and have a chat to them both and explain yourselves. good luck with wedding