Ohh Matron!!!!
 

Now this is has two different purposes:
1) It the joke I told badly down the Barge
2) To test out Pings theory of the Carry On litmus test

The priest in a small Irish village loved the **** and ten hens he
kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the
**** went missing!

The priest knew that **** fights happened in the village so he
started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a
****?"
All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody
seen a ****?"
All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody
seen a **** that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody
seen MY ****?
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood
up.