When I got my current job, I had a big barely-scabbed cut on my forehead and 2 fingers strapped together- top conversation point! So that's my recommendation. Squash your fingers in your bike, and have someone break an acoustic guitar over your head.
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"We are the angry mob,
we read the papers every day
We like what we like, we hate what we hate
But we're oh so easily swayed"
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