BBC, I realise you posted in jest, but still feel compelled to say the below. Before I continue, I should also point out that no, I'm not drunk. I'm just about to head out for a night shift at work.
You're a lively bubbly person, who does the ironing whilst Viney is watching Top Gear. I've met you once (AR07 it was), and I can categorically say that you're not fat (unless you've eaten a horse since AR07 or something).
Yet you think there's something wrong with you? Clearly there is, it's your head that's wrong!
I'd happily put up with what you call bad points, as Viney does. In fact, want to swap?
PS. Mods, please wait until BBC views this post, then delete it before either Viney or my 'better half' does.