Well I have just risen,(fnaaar!) after sleeping a troubled sleep following this social highlight and as you will see below things did not quite go to plan.......
With my smooth look and me freshly showered and the odd dab of after shave in all the right places,(well one never know's madam
) I jumped in the car and set off to my firends villa which is perched on a hillside that overlooks Marbella.
I passed along the palm lined avenue that leads to the ornamental gates of his home and stopped at the gates to press the intercom. Karl answered almost immediately and sounded well up for it.(
)
"Hello Peter." he cheerfully welcomed via the speaker. "Hi Karl." I said my voice no doubt tinged with a small degree of a tremor.
"I'll push the button to open the gates for you Peter." Karl added.
"Err Karl, I'll need to change if that is ok?" I offered.
"Oh,ok Peter. Go to the left hand side of the house and use the second door, that is the changing room and shower that the gardeners use. When you finish I'll see you by the pool, we are all on the terrace at the back of the house...you can't miss us."
Off I went then to find mentioned changing room and began to get my kit off. I was oddly very conscious of my naked state, more than say when getting ready to jump in to the shower at home. Before I headed off I caught myself mumbling below my breath and pointing an accusing finger at old John Thomas in the large wall mirror and threatening him with a fete worse than death should he make just one wrong move during the proceedings.
Stepping back outside and closing the changing room door behind me(oops!) I somehow tried to adapt a very jaunty,"hey I do this all of the time" air as I headed off to find where all of the beautiful people, less designer labels would all be.
As I approached the corner of the house leading to the garden I could hear a mix of lively Sevillana music, raucous manly laughter, girlie giggles and the odd splash as someone dived in to the pool.
What happened next was something never to be wished upon your own worst enemy....consider this.....amongst those present were as previously stated many beautiful ladies, many I knew through business and others I have met via friends and other party's. There was a sprinkling of the well heeled and very proper Marbella jet set and several local dignatories.
I swung,(Y'know what I'm saying ladies?
) around the corner striding very positively to disguise my hidden uneasiness at my dress code of below waist tie only. As the gathered throng came in to full view....and of course I came in to full view for them. A certain reality hit me like a garden spade hitting me in the face.
I screamed....well I cannot even admit to that...it was an almost inaudible whimper come squeak.......with a warning message that flashed in my head that read...."Oh F+ck!"
One person turned to look at me then another...it was like a Meer Kat effect. There was the odd muffled embarassed giggle. I swear that despite the music playing I could actually here the food sizzle on the barby which was 40 feet away.
I caught the eye of several gorgeous women I knew,(and if truth be known being completely naked with one or two of them had been a thought I had entertained on several occasions but not like this!)
Everyone was dressed! Ok some had on swim suits and bikini's the rest were largely in very casual summer attire.
OMG,OMG,OMG....I felt like the King as he paraded through the streets when someone in the crowd bellowed out.."The King is in the all together now."
A moment frozen in time what the hell do I do now? Spin and flee ? Collapse in a heap as a broken wreck?
Well in true British stiff(ooh err) upper lip fashion I marched forward and smiled my hello's at several people and did the Dahhhling peck on both cheeks to several of the girls,(no not those cheeks and no not that pecker!) I continued my way through the throng which parted like the sea before Moses oddly enough!
I went directly to the BBQ and selected a nicely cooked piece of meat(fnaar) which I took a huge bite out of. I passed to the Chef and he kindly offered me his apron to cover my blushes.
The party gradually just got back to where it had been before my Wimbledon Final, British Open Last Day type entrance. I mingled as I was and not one person asked the key question...."Why?"
Later I was sat chatting to karl who was tickled by my flash(guffaw) of brilliance as a party ice breaker! I tried to explain and all became clear.It appears that due to the location of Karl's house, reception on his mobile phone is not always fantastic and conversations can be a little tricky. The part that I had apparently got confused was that the party was Karl's excuse to show off his......
Newest BBQ! 