Just a few quick lessons to hone your management skills

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The
nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving
a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next!
Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump
of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by
a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


This ends the 3-minute management course.

LOL and how true!