Not All Upgrades Are Good!

[Lissa]

Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2..6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail!

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

.................................................. ...................

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that
application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run
the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

[Shellywoozle]

That is brill Lissa pmsl

heeheee that must have taken a hell of a lot of thought!

[Luckypants]

Working in Technical Support (although I tend to think of myself as more grandiose), I have seen that (and variations) a number of times. There's also the one about upgrading girlfriend to Wife etc.... here's one version

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 and Golf 7.5
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!
Thanks,
A Troubled User


---------- REPLY ----------


Dear Troubled User:
This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I also suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and especially Diamonds 5.0
WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

[Stingo]

And this one...


IT CUSTOMER SERVICES

Dear IT Support

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2 which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try to run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 2.0 and Playboy 6.1. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, PartyGirl 2.1 which I tried had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 and Girlfriend 2.1 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all of my available resources, it comes bundled with FreeSex Plus, Cleanhouse 2000 and WashUp XP. Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run; for example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-Mail Pornfilter and can, without warning launch PhotoStrop and WhingeZip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself. Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShopBrowser for new attachments and also HairstyleExpress which needs to be re-installed every other week.

Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that also drain my resources; it also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Furthermore, Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can’t be turned off. Recently I have attempted to install Mistress 2000, but there could be problems, as a friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all the MSMoney files before permanently un-installing itself!

Any ideas to assist me with these software problems?

Originally Posted by Stingo

Any ideas to assist me with these software problems?

Try running Divorce 3.0.

Originally Posted by Ed

Try running Divorce 3.0.

That has also been tried... also causing Wife 1.0 to delete at least 50% of the MSMoney files and automatically runs the distroyhome (first edition) virus before permanently un-installing itself and 50% of all other applications, files and documents!