Life Analysis

[Fallout]

Ok, bit of a serious thread for Saturday morning, but bear with me mighty org.

So I've been analysing my life recently (I do this kind of thing a lot), and I feel like I'm not going in the right direction. I simplified the problem this morning by defining where I was, where I am, and where I want to be ...

Where I was:
After uni, I lived with a bunch of old friends. I had a decent job, earned enough money to have some fun toys (helps sharing rent between 4 people!), always came home to the lads and had a laugh, went out and did fun things fairly often, and basically things were good.

Where I am now:
So now I have a mortgage and live with the Mrs. I got fed up with my job so now I'm self employed. Money is tight so I can't spent much on toys or fun. Most of my mates lives changed too as well grew up. Many of my best mates moved to London and even abroad, are now married etc. Same old story I'm sure many people have experienced. As someone who works from home and is self employed, has moved away from my home town with the Mrs and all me mates have fecked off, I always have itchy feet and cabin fever!

My main problem is I hate 'normal' socialising. I don't do sitting down in pubs or basically anything that involves sitting around chatting to people about their mum, or their mate who just got married, or their pet dog Ralph, or basically what 95% of people enjoy talking about. So everytime I make the effort to go out with the Mrs to meet her work mates etc. and I yawn my ass off to normal conversations about work and people and all that crap!

I love DOING things. I love socialising with like minded people who want to go out and do motorsport (obviously), activities, and basically getting off our asses and having fun. Then I am the life and soul. But the problems with this are activities (especially bikes etc) cost money and the majority of people don't do anything like this. They're happy to spend their live socialising with people in the 'normal' way, which involves sitting in a pub, going to the shops, going to someone's house, going to a restaurant and then talking about their mum, their, their mate who just got married, or their pet dog Ralph.

The only time I REALLY enjoy sitting down having a conversation is when I feel like it's valuable. When I'm debating politics, or the meaning of life, or long term goals, or science, or a topic that furthers my understanding or makes me see something in a different light. Basically, conversations with intelligent, thinking people. People like this are hard to find. Don't get me wrong, I also love banter and just having a laugh, but not at a pub ... in an environment, like biking, when I can also enjoy a fun activity.

Ok, rant bit done ...

Where I want to be:
So I figured out what my goals are really. I don't think they're unrealistic or too ambitious, and I don't think I'm asking too much. I just want a group of friends which comprises (a) intellectuals/thinkers who I can have meaningful chat with (b) active itchy feet adrenalin junkie nuttcases, who will push me to try new things, and ideally (c) intellectual thinkers who like doing active things!

I want to live somewhere where it's possible to do these things. I live down in the south of england. Lots of opportunities to have fun, but if I want to go out greenlaning with mates, locations are limited. If I wanted to go out kayaking or something, there aren't any really good rivers, for example. I don't think I live in the right place in the country to have an outdoor active lifestyle. Yeah, I can go on holiday, or make weekend trips, but that all adds to the cost and difficulty in routinely having fun.

I feel like I'm a victim of circumstance. Times were fun growing up, then people moved away, I moved away and in with the mrs, and I made a decision to go self employed at home (cos I hated my job!) which doubled the blow and made my circle of friends very small, and my opportunity to meet new people much reduced. I'm definitely a go getting and good at solving problems and changing my life/making decisions to improve things, but having control over you circle of friends is a much harder task!

So anyway ... I envisage this life where I live somewhere rural with the mrs. Fairly locally I have a bunch of like minded mates who maybe have bikes, boats, like hang gliding, play footie, etc. active people! We're always planning new things and off out having fun. I know lots of people have groups of mates like this, and I'm really jealous. I've always got on well with anyone I've mate, and have been the life and soul of the group, so I know it's not me ... it's growing up and probably not taking opportunities and making a few poor life choices that has landing me in the mundane, and I'm not the sort of person who is happy with the mundane.

So ... how do I go about getting to this goal? Right now I'm saving for an enduro bike, and have joined a few forums and am going to try and meet people locally to start some off road fun ...but it's hard to find people. I can't even find a bike in price range! So I am actively trying, and whenever my mates who are still locally organise something, I'm there. I'm off to a house party today. I will be sure to interrogate everyone to see if they just talk about mum, married and ralph, or if they enjoy doing interesting things. Normally, you're lucky to find 1 person with interesting hobbies at these things.

I'm always keeping my eyes peeled for new ORGers who are local to get some rides going on. I would do the Essex ride out if I wasn't going to a wedding.

So mighty org, is there any advice on changing my circumstances and getting back on track, rather than falling down this hole of the mundane?

Rant done!

I too now find normal pub socialising boring, been there, done that.

I'm known in my family as an unsociable, grumpy old git.

But, I enjoy doing stuff with my biker buddys that are mostly off here, 12 of us are going to Normandy on thursday for 4 days.
This is my idea of how to spend my weekends, all made possible by me passing my bike test.

I used to be a season ticket holder at Birmingham city fc and I've quit that as it got boring, pub before game, game, go home type of thing.

I've changed and my idea of fun, socialising has changed, it happens.


IMO, you're probably being a bit too expectant, relax a bit and lower your expectations a bit.

I know what you mean. I'd advise getting on groupon, and get some cheap activities lined up, you can get some cracking deals, and it also means you have something to look forward to.

My mate recently did canyoning and rafting, and sphere ing, which she had never tried before, but loved it, and dirt cheap too!

[Dave20046]

I reckon there'll be a lot of people in the same boat. work ruins your life!

[flymo]

come up north, its great.

[tigersaw]

Plenty of green lane fun in your neck of the woods. Get down to Eastleigh and meet the the TRF on club night, see if its your bag. I've made new mates through it and moved from road bikes to off road and not regretted it. You don't need a fortune either - most of us have old hacks like DRZ's and Serows, there are a few KTM's for those with too much money and who like servicing and polishing.
With you on some of the higher philosophy too - its my goal to move me, G/F and dog off to Shropshire ish somewhere where we can get a cottage and a couple of acres and generally avoid everything we don't like the look or smell of.

[Fallout]

Thanks chaps/chapess. I love this forum. I could probably post a message on here about having three nipples and 9 legs and would still probably get some useful non-judgemental advice from similarly afflicted people.

Originally Posted by specialone

I'm known in my family as an unsociable, grumpy old git.
...

But, I enjoy doing stuff with my biker buddys that are mostly off here
...

IMO, you're probably being a bit too expectant, relax a bit and lower your expectations a bit.

You sound like me buddy. I was like this from my early 20s though. I had a brief period of ****ing it up the wall every weekend, and then rapidly got bored of it. My close mates 'get it', and invite me to interesting things, but not **** up. Other people think I'm an unsocialable git when I don't go to their mundane **** ups. Like you though, love doing stuff with my biking mates. Why would I want to sit in a pub when we could be out on our bikes, with a bit of down time in between rides?

As for expectations, you're probably right. Aiming too high with a complete life change, but if I aim to completely change things, maybe small changes I succeed with will be enough to make things interesting again.

Originally Posted by shonadoll

I know what you mean. I'd advise getting on groupon, and get some cheap activities lined up, you can get some cracking deals, and it also means you have something to look forward to.

I do try this. Normally when I suggest things to mates, money is the excuse. Everyone is skint! Maybe I should just do these things by myself and meet new people there. I'm not a fan of being the guy who turns up by himself though. When I see someone turn up by themselves to something group based (e.g. paintballing or go-karting .... there's always one) I assume they have some sort of personality disorder. Usually proved wrong though.

Originally Posted by Dave20046

I reckon there'll be a lot of people in the same boat. work ruins your life!

Agreed!

Originally Posted by flymo

come up north, its great.

You northerners! You're right though. What have we got down here? Maybe more 'attractions', but I'm not into that. I envy your better roads and countryside. I reckon I'm a northerner at heart. I used to visit my grandparents in snowdonia when I was a nipper. I loved that placed. Used to go quading in the mountains. Bloody loved it!

Originally Posted by tigersaw

Plenty of green lane fun in your neck of the woods. Get down to Eastleigh and meet the the TRF on club night, see if its your bag. I've made new mates through it and moved from road bikes to off road and not regretted it. You don't need a fortune either - most of us have old hacks like DRZ's and Serows, there are a few KTM's for those with too much money and who like servicing and polishing.
With you on some of the higher philosophy too - its my goal to move me, G/F and dog off to Shropshire ish somewhere where we can get a cottage and a couple of acres and generally avoid everything we don't like the look or smell of.

What's the TRF mate? That's exactly what I want - a cheap (sub £2k) trail bike. I'm saving for one right now. I could always get a cheap trailer to save the miles on it and drive to places. My mate who is also into green laning (used to have a KTM 200EXC but doesn't have a trail bike right now) lives in Eastleigh, so it's a good spot for me. Defo up for action down there.

As for your philosophy, yeah ... just like mine. Me and the mrs want a rural place too, but close enough to our mates and family. I always wanted a few acres. I want to build an RC monster truck circuit. No neighbours, no fear of upsetting them with the noise, and then have my mates down and race little RCs. If I had more space, I'd make a little trail bike circuit too. Get the mates down and a mini digger and getting sculpting! It's all about the money though.

I think that your feeling are pretty standard...

I too absolutely hate sitting in pubs with my gf's mates and talking about absolute crap.

I have now taken up photography and recently bought a lens which I can shoot all kinda of Motorsport with. Also being that I am a 20min ride from Brands Hatch, it's great! I now plan what I want to go out and shoot and what races I want to shoot. There are plenty of other photographers there which I'm sure are more than happy to chat etc

[tigersaw]

TRF - Trail riders fellowship. Sounds like a dozy old duffers funny handshake brigade but its the best way to get into off-roading legally and with plenty of support. Google TRF. TRF Southern have their own website away from the main area, they are a bit funny like that. The chairman lives near you, the rides out are all over Hampshire and beyond so you are well placed to join in. We are off to Wales in a few weeks, 10 of us B+B ing and generally behaving like children. £2k is plenty for the bike and some extra kit you may need. DRZ400's very popular if you are big enough to ride the thing, even a 125 will do the job - off road too much power can be your enemy.

[garynortheast]

Originally Posted by Fallout

I'm not a fan of being the guy who turns up by himself though. When I see someone turn up by themselves to something group based (e.g. paintballing or go-karting .... there's always one) I assume they have some sort of personality disorder. Usually proved wrong though.

Maybe they're just the only person in a group of friends who has actually got it together to do something rather than waiting for all their other apathetic mates to get off their backsides.