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Old 05-07-06, 01:29 PM   #1
tricky
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Default What I did on my Holidays by Theo Walcott

I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my Granddad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn.
She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's and thousands on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him.
Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it.
He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebody's spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
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Old 05-07-06, 01:38 PM   #2
ArtyLady
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very funny
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Old 05-07-06, 01:46 PM   #3
Tara
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Superb
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Old 05-07-06, 01:53 PM   #4
Jdubya
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I can smell a potential law suit here...think the mods my have to step in.
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Old 05-07-06, 02:26 PM   #5
Peter Henry
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Extremely childish humour which as you can imagine appealed to me immensely! :P Funny how the PR boys had this big blonde docker posing with the WAGS and claiming her to be Sol's girlfriend,(like yeah!)
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Old 05-07-06, 02:31 PM   #6
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excuse me for being a bit daft when it comes to footy but is there a suggestion that Sol is gay then?
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Old 05-07-06, 02:32 PM   #7
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Spidey...Whatever gives you that idea?

And why do you think he likes playing at the back?
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Old 05-07-06, 02:37 PM   #8
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Oh really? Was he one of those fingered (pardon me) by the tabloids as part of that "gay footballers" nonsens that was going about a while back. Again, please excuse my ignorance on this. I genuinely try not to read newspapers and ignore anyhting to do withh nano-celebs and sports "stars"
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Old 05-07-06, 02:42 PM   #9
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Spidey....Dunno about the article you mention but it has long been understood that Sol could easilly have made it as a cricketer due to him preferring to bat for the other side.
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Old 05-07-06, 02:46 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter Henry
Spidey....Dunno about the article you mention but it has long been understood that Sol could easilly have made it as a cricketer due to him preferring to bat for the other side.
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