Stolen from Idle Banter

Originally posted by Runako,
This brought tears to my eyes, brilliantly written post!

I'm seriously worried about the people I hang out with. Bikeramy started it, Fallout featured it in his "how to Vid" and Grant66 took it to a different level! Let me explain.

So, picture this. I'm sat in a Bike cafe having a delicious dream of an all day breakfast. You know, the kind thats only good for you once a month with lashings of Bacon, a pair of perfectly round fried eggs, steaming hot hash brown, crunchy oily fried bread, moist black pudding, a quartet band of toast with butter mmmmmmmm... oh, er, sorry about.

Where was I. Oh yes. So I'm sat eating my all day breakfast in between two people who look perfectly normal with no exterior sign off oddity. Little did I know that what lurked below the surface of these two individuals was pure madness.

The person to my left says "Zombies are real, and they're coming. Better be prepared". I look up and across to the person to my right, waiting for them to subliminally agree with me that there are no such things as Zombies.

But No! Person to my right says "Yes, I'm sorted. But I'm worried that some people don't know the proper technique for killing a Zombie. You can't just hit them or shoot them anywhere. Here's a book I can recommend on how to prepare" [proceeds to do an online search and shows person to my left a book entitled "Zombie Apocalypse Preparation"] .... wait, what???

"Ooh that's good", says person to my left. "If only we were like the Americans then we could all get guns. If we have a Zombie outbreak in the UK what are people gonna do, stab them with a fork?" [Person to my right] "I'm sure you can use normal everyday items, such as a knife. But you mustn't use one with a serrated blade, cause that will stick in the skull. You've got a use a knife with a clean edge" [Hmmm, I never thought of ... wait, wtf?]

So I humour my abnormal companions: "If Zombies crave flesh and need to eat meat to survive, why wouldn't they just find the nearest cow and chow down?"

"Ah" says person to my right. "Everyone knows Zombies only eat human flesh and brains" [Everyone knows this? Really?] "Plus if they'd bitten the cow this would just spread the virus" says person to my left, "And then we would have Zombie cows!"

At this point, I choked on a piece of black pudding.

This continued for some time. I heard plots and scenarios, including a plan to recruit cats and manipulate them by shining a laser pen - cats find this little trick irresistible apparently - unto a Zombie so that the cats can attack them! [Headslap ... smh]

As we were in a public place, people started staring. But my companions weren't to be deterred. "There will be a Zombie Apocalypse and if you're not prepared Ronnie, you're gonna die like the rest of them".

It's Runako I worry about, the unprepared will die first.

[rowdy]

Laser pen and cats, genious.
Although my cat only has three legs so he might not be as effective

The cats eye, the ultimate weapon...

[Fallout]

Nathan, don't worry about those stupid conversations mate. I'm assuming you can weld? Pop round mine in the event of a zombie apocalypse and I will show you details plans on how to turn any decent car into a zombie slaying wagon. If you could bring a GPMG and a car load of ammo, that would help.

So surely if you're stealing it for your regional section, the only proper thing to do is to discuss where you can get the breakfast described... you need to share the love on the anti-zombie preparations

[DJ123]

when i win the lottery i'm building my zombie proof house, vehicle, land and weapons storage.

What if Zombies turn out to faster than we expect? That will put a whole different perspective on the attack and defense strategy.