Tuesday laugh at the expense of the USAF

Not sure if anyone has read this, but being an old RAF hand, this made me chuckle!

Enjoy

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05...walloes_pilot/


Rich

What a great bit of technology

Click the linked article "uceromoniously sawed open".

Does he look embarassed or what

"Emergency teams moved in after 5 hours"

Remind me never to need them in an emergency then :P

Seriously, how long does it take to work out the thing really isnt going to open? Bet 4.5 of those hours were on the Lockheed help line.

But I do like the end bit:

"We look forward to the rumoured sequel to Top Gun which will feature Tom Cruise trapped for five hours in his F-22."

What was that phone call to the lockheed support team...

I'm trapped in the F-22...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

Yes...

Could you try again....

Didn't work...

OK...

Let me put you on hold...

music....

Another techie joins in...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

YES...

Could you try again... but slower...

Didn't work... Can you Wait 4.45 hours for a engineer to arrive?

OK...

Much Later...

Engineer arrives with his new special bit of extraction kit... a chainsaw.

Originally Posted by Grinch

What was that phone call to the lockheed support team...

I'm trapped in the F-22...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

Yes...

Could you try again....

Didn't work...

OK...

Let me put you on hold...

music....

Another techie joins in...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

YES...

Could you try again... but slower...

Didn't work... Can you Wait 5.45 hours for a engineer to arrive?

The engineer probably turned up after 4 hours, pursed his lips and whistled, then said he didnt have the right tools for the job and it would cost to get it fixed. Then returned an hour later with said chainsaw.

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!?

Edit - perhaps not. Having actually read the article properly.. they made the good choice.

Pretty risky still though, those det charges used to clear the bolts for the canopy in the event of an ejection dont stand up well to that kind of interference.

Rich - being in the RAF you'll have heard the deal with the Red Arrows and their golf clubs.. resulting in the current "send off" process for ground crews.

Originally Posted by lynw

The engineer probably turned up after 4 hours, pursed his lips and whistled, then said he didnt have the right tools for the job and it would cost to get it fixed. Then returned an hour later with said chainsaw.

Ah much better then my revised version...

Originally Posted by getyerkneedown

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!?

Im sure they may well have tried it if it was possible. Maybe their concern was for a pilot in a chair exploding upwards and the canopy STILL not opening. I suspect because they couldnt guarantee it opening they werent prepared to have the pilot commit suicide.

Originally Posted by getyerkneedown

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!?

If memory serves, and I am going back a bit, there was an unofficial policy in the USAF that they where not keen to bail out a zero feet.

I so want to read the engineers log for this one

Cheers

Rich

Originally Posted by lynw

Im sure they may well have tried it if it was possible. Maybe their concern was for a pilot in a chair exploding upwards and the canopy STILL not opening. I suspect because they couldnt guarantee it opening they werent prepared to have the pilot commit suicide.

The seats have probes fitted to them which shatter the canopy in the event of the canopy not clearing when the ejection handle is pulled. The charges go off, then the probes in the seat extend. Thats why that scene in Top Gun where Goose hits the canopy is funny.. it wouldnt happen.