How do you clean a bike? (and chain?)

My usual bike cleaning method involves waiting a year or so before crashing it in such a spectacular way that a new bike purchase is required. Unfortunately new job located next to a building site whose trucks have as much regard for wheel washing as I have for bike washing has meant that there is now so much mud caked onto the bike that everything's clogged up (seriously need to kick the caked mud off the sidestand pivot in order to raise it).

So how do you clean your bike? Bear in mind I am lazy. Lazy with a capital L. The A, Z, and Y may as well be capitalised too. I will not be spending hours with a toothbrush and a tube of autosol.

Jetwash? As in garage forecourt jetwash? Only worry is that this might be too strong and start driving grease out of linkages?

Next up - chain cleaning. This is one area where I do tend to pay some attention as neglect here is more than cosmetic. Normally I do the whole kerosene and toothbrush trick then wash off and lube, but given the afore mentioned muddy field (aka my commute to work) - I'm doing this more and more often and it takes so much time, is nasty and messy, and frankly I've got better things to be doing. Are there any cheap tricks to get this done more quickly? I vaguely remember I used to have a pushbike chain cleaner which was a clip on plastic vat of solvent with spindle mounted brushes that scrubbed from all angles and did a pretty good job of cleaning - haven't seen anything like this for a while - any hints?

Ride in the rain. The really bad salt build-up I got off with a screwdriver.

The chain is constantly lubed with the Scottoiler...

[yorkie_chris]

Find a ford to ride through.

Originally Posted by Grinch

Ride in the rain.

That does indeed do the trick Whilst rain seems to do a grand job of cleaning headlights it's failing to really eat through the accumulated grime in fiddly areas - perhaps our rain is just not acidic enough? Could we all please try to make an effort to leave more lights on, perhaps run a two bar leccy heater 24/7? More acid rain = more effective cleaning

Originally Posted by yorkie_chris

Find a ford to ride through.

not a Mondeo though

[Viney]

I havent washed my bike since april! However, back in the old days when i did wash it, this is what i did

Parafin to clean oll the oily bits, swing arm, wheels, shock etc. I used a paint brush and one of those non scratch scrubby sponge things you apprently do washing up with. I then hosed all this off using a standard hose pipe and attachement. Once doen, a bucket of warm soapy water (car shapmoo not Washing up liquid) and wash all the plastic bits and rub over the metal bits that i just cleaned as well, espcially the wheels and brake discs. They dry off using a chamois leather or such like. I then buffed up the forks with some autoglym metal polish (Mine are stripped to the metal and sort of polished!!) then some WD40 on a rag to clean any stubborn oil/black bits off the metal bits. Then if it was lucky a quick polish with either Mer, or a colour impregnated polish. Job done

However, where i live now, i dont have a hose pipe, so it doenst get washed.

Originally Posted by hovis

not a Mondeo though

Hah...

[Paul the 6th]

cleaning the chain: get some chain cleaner from halfrauds (or wherever - i'll probably get slated for this because some people use parafin or diesel or chilli sauce)... jack the bike up on paddock stand in neutral. I use a nice new tea towel for my chain (it winds vicky right up )) but some people like to use old rags...

Put the tea towel behind the chain but infront of the bottom of the tyre and swingarm to stop the spray going on the rest of your bike. Spray that section of chain and leave it for 20 seconds to let the spray get right in there. Then get hold of the chain with the tea towel and give it a good sensual rub down. Rotate the wheel to pull the next 6-8 inches of chain through and repeat. Sometimes, for a treat, once I've done the whole chain, I'll repeat the whole process again with another clean tea towel to remove the remaining residual residue or grease.

Once that's all finished, I take the bike for a 10-15 minute run (preferrably in dry weather) to get the chain warmed up - return home and lube the chain as usual.

That's how I do it biking gods, long term riders and YC, feel free to slate me

[Luckypants]

Originally Posted by Viney

Parafin to clean oll the oily bits, swing arm, wheels, shock etc. I used a paint brush and one of those non scratch scrubby sponge things you apprently do washing up with. I then hosed all this off using a standard hose pipe and attachement....

Not having a go at you personally Viney, but this is something that vexes me about paraffin....

Where does the paraffin you wash off go? down the drain? does the environmental implications to this not worry anyone? See allowing it down the drain is not an option for me as my drains go to a soakaway under my lawn, then eventually into a river 100 meters down slope.

So what do folks do with the dirty paraffin after cleaning the chain?

[yorkie_chris]

Yes you'll get slated for using "chain cleaner" because it is parrafin for 10x the price!

You catch it in a tin under the bike, which goes in the drum with the rest of the waste oil and fluids and gets taken to council disposal drum down the tip.