Another Sad Day

[Jayneflakes]

Two weeks ago, my partner Carol lost her Father, Alan, when he passed away after a long illness. He was still a young man at heart and was only sixty four years old, but had been crippled by MS, Asthma and Colitus. He passed away peacefully in Hopsital while being held by Carol and her Mother and if he had been concious I know that he would have wanted it to be that way. Carol is heart broken because she was very close to her Father, despite the occasional argument and rude joke at her expense.

Alan was one of us in his youth, a committed biker and he only gave up his bike when he got too ill to ride a few years ago. He was also an ambulance Man for thirty years before he retired due to ill health and he saved a lot of lives and grieved for those he could not. He was a strong man and a good man.

Today is his funeral, as a member of the British Humanist society he was also a dedicated atheist and today we are having a humanist celebration of his life. I have only been a part of his family for two years and I must admit that I had grown to love Alan in the short time that I knew him, even if at times I was also the butt of his jokes too. Carol's Mum has asked me to speak at the funeral and I am deeply honoured to have been asked, but I am afraid that I will mess it up. Here I am, an ex teacher and outdoor leader, used to talking to groups and doing presentations and I am afraid to speak in front of a few friends and close family.

Carol has inherited a lot of her fathers strength and courage and when I spoke to him, while he was in hospital last year, he told me how proud of her he was. He did not always understand her, but he admired her for her courage to be herself and go against convention and he was glad that she had met me, which I think was probably the biggest compliment that he could have given to me.

I know that Carol is hurting a lot and I know that her Brothers also feel pain, despite them both being stoic and strong. Alan would be proud of his boys and his daughter if he could see them now.

I miss you Alan, you old sod. I miss your jokes and your stories. I miss you laughing at me for the funny way I speak and I miss you shocking me with your rare sudden outbursts of thick Brummie swearing. I miss you because you were my friend.

I lost someone very close just before Christmas, which was heartbreaking. I was asked to say a few words and I struggled to think of what to do until the night before the funeral. In the end, I remembered some of his annoying habits, reliable traits and all the silly things we'd done together. When it was my turn to speak I nearly choked, but once I'd got going I was fine and even raised a few laughs.

will be tinknig of you both today - you'll do fine

oh hun

I spoke at my dads funeral a few years ago. I was very nervous but just spoke from the heart, it was the last thing i could do for him and i wanted to do it well. My dad was a good man but had his faults so i commented on those too, keeping it honest. I hope i did him proud, i'm sure i did. You will find the words because you loved him. Thinking of you xx

Is so sad to lose someone you love and my deepest sympathy for Carol and her family. I`m sure your speech will be wonderful and if you make a small mistake or break down in tears so what... it`s a funeral and people won`t expect yours words to be delivered perfectly. Very best of luck x

Having just read that, I'd say the speech has written itself...

condolences-

I would be interested to hear of the humanist funeral as I am an atheist and worry to bits that I will have a church funeral et al.. mandy knows my views but .. ya never know- ..

so what did it entail?

Originally Posted by Jayneflakes

I miss you Alan, you old sod. I miss your jokes and your stories. I miss you laughing at me for the funny way I speak and I miss you shocking me with your rare sudden outbursts of thick Brummie swearing. I miss you because you were my friend.

Says it all really, hope all goes well today

Jayne, you have such eloquence, you have written such beautiful prose.

I'm sure that anyone who heard this would consider it a fitting tribute.