A Moral story

Controversial, so I might get some flack for this, so here goes:



REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE U.K. VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

[northwind]

Repost Police, you're nicked

makes you proud to be british

Rule Britannia!

I see nothing controversial about that. It seems to be going along the lines of whats true.

Matt

Originally Posted by northwind

Repost Police, you're nicked

Sorry Ossifer Northwind, didnt see the last one!

It could be worse. The way I see it, at least we dont live in a dictatorship like North Korea, and are free to ride our bikes when we want, how we want.

People may want bikes restricted and banned, but it has not happened yet.

[People may want bikes restricted and banned, but it has not happened yet.[/quote]

Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water, and don't darken our space with this awful suggestion any longer.


eeeeek... surely people can't be that cruel?

Originally Posted by zedleppelin1981

It could be worse. The way I see it, at least we dont live in a dictatorship like North Korea, and are free to ride our bikes when we want, how we want.

Sorry but I can't stand it when people say this. You make a post highlighting how **** the UK is and then say it doesn't matter because we're not as bad as North Korea? It doesn't matter what other countries are like. The only countries that we should be worried about are our own. It's not good enough to say "ah well at least we're not bad as *insert name of poor country here*" What countries do we gage our prosperity with? Is there a benchmark? We're all right as long as the country doesn't get as bad as Peru? Or maybe we should only try to sort ourselves out if we get as bad as Africa? We can't compare ourselves to other countries. We can only concentrate on our own and make the best of what we've got.

Not having a go at you BTW

Originally Posted by Tomcat

Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water, and don't darken our space with this awful suggestion any longer.


eeeeek... surely people can't be that cruel?

I have several friends that are very anti bike. Think they are very dangerous and should be banned. No amount of positive talk from me and offers of a ride will convince them otherwise.

UlsterSV, While I agree with my original post, a lot, I do think it is a very 'Daily Mail' view of the UK, and I simply shrug my shoulders and think 'oh well' and put up with it. There is nothing much the average joe in the street can do about it. What I meant by 'not as bad as.......' I mean that we are free to say what we like, believe what we like, live how we want and choose.

Looks like I've created some bad karma here. Apologies to everyone. Lets all hold hands and wash that bad karma away!

[northwind]

I did a wee response to this last time round... Because 9/10 of the story is utter **** But it's well written...