Parents

[keith_d]

If it's any consolation, I'm over 40 and haven't told my Mum that I've got a bike yet. But, weather permitting, I'm going to ride over there next time I go visiting.

As several posters have pointed out making your own decisions is part of being independent. It's worth talking the difficult ones through with someone who can point out things you've missed, but in the end you have to make your own choice. You might get some 'I told you so' conversations if it all goes wrong but don't get too stressed about it.

It's better to make a good try at a bad decision than sit around worrying what other people think. So get out there, do the best you can, and try not to make the same mistake twice.

Just my thoughts,

Keith.

It took my sister till she was 4 months to tell my parents she was pregnant and she is married etc. She was scared that she had to tell my dad she had actually had s3x stupid I know!

It took me 2 weeks to tell my parents that I had booked my bike lesson's etc

I think sometimes you just have to grab the bull by the horns and tell them things!

[BanannaMan]

For me... the key to being sucessful in dealing with my parents at that point in life was not be comfrontational with them.

Tell them what you're doing if you feel the need too...
Then just smile listen to what they have to say....without argueing with them. No matter what they say or how mad they are.

Don't lie...if they press you for an answer after their advice/disapproval/etc. Smile and tell them...Yes..I'm still doing this.

Remember no matter how wrong or misplaced their advice might be for you....they are trying to give you good advice because, although it may be hard for you to see at the moment....they really do care for you.

Respect their opinions...but live your own life.
You'll stand a much better chance of them accepting your ideas if you repect theirs.


If they can't accept this and things get really ugly...quit seeing them for a while if you have too.
It's your life...and it's up to you to find your own happiness.

[BanannaMan]

Originally Posted by Ed

when I stop to think about it it all comes back again and no matter how much I try to kick him out of my life once and for all, I can't.

You don't have to forget.
Just let go of the hate and accept it's all in the past and don't let it affect the present or the future in any way....other than just to remind you that YOU are in control now and things are NOT going to be like that for you or anyone in your life.
If dwelling on things that happened makes you angry....then refuse to think about them!


The first half of my life was filled with pain, anger, bitterness.
Which made me a fairly mean...even downright evil bloke at that time.
When I found myself repeating the same pain that I hated so with my own family...
I realized I was the only one who break that chain and the only way to do so was to let go of the pain.... Quit thinking about it, Quit hating the people I felt responsible and get on with my own life.

HTH


Like that song from the seventies... (Carly Simon?)
I haven't got time for the pain.

Originally Posted by Kate Moss

I know I am 25 but I still care what my parents think....I hate dissapointing them and I feel like I have done this a fair bit.

How can I handle them when I want to do something that they are not overly keen on? How do I convince them that for me, it's the right thing to do?

I hate having that heir of doubt from them looming over me!


Does anyone else still worry about what their parents think?

Not really......

If I can justify what I do to catherine and my onw brain... Im happy with it..

[Dave20046]

What's this about kate? (if it isn't too personal) Is it the bike?

I think everyone has this problem, I don't get on with my mum for this very reason. If she tries to control me at all I have to tell her where to stick it under the pretence of not giving a ****. I get on well with my dad though he's never voiced his concern about the bike he's offered to pay for advanced lessons for me (I paid for them myself but it was a nice offer) and he bought me a new lid after my crash (I was too skint to refuse) but the thing I took from that is he's not going to stop me doing what I want he just wants to make sure I'm as safe as possible which I respect him for. He also doesn't seem to mind about the whole getting kicked out of school and never doing a degree thing, as for my mum well I couldn't really care because she hasn't really lived, she's a good parent but that's about as far as it stretches

kate - speaking as a parent myself, we just want the best for our kids. Not everyone makes the same decisions about stuff. Some things you decide to do your parents will not agree with. But if when you mention it (whatever it may be) they are against the idea, calmly point out your point of view. Sometimes though you need another persons perspective on things. but at the end of the day its your life and you have to live your life your way - you will make mistakes along the way but as long as its your decision you cant resent anyone else for them.

saying that I have 4 tattoos and have not told my mum - as I know she doesnt like them. I also dont talk about the bike as I know she hates them (my cousin's husband was killed on a bike). Certainly not telling her my daughter is waiting to do her CBT.

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by Kate Moss

ok...il email them!!!

If you want to write down how you feel, that is your prerogative, but I have only found that to leave people asking why you couldn't just talk to them.

It's been years since I stood up to my parents, but when I did, I didn't make a big drama about it. I could write an essay on how I did it with both my mum and my dad, but that would be pointless as all parent/child relationships are different.

You have to look at yourself for answers to why your parents still treat you like a child. If you allow them to still have a hold over you or a bearing on your decisions in life, you will be reinforcing that they still need to do that.

The moment you can show them that you will do what you want to do for yourself, regardless of their opinions, they will see you as more of an adult.

I would always say to try and be diplomatic and not just disregard their feelings, but just let them know that you understand their concerns, but you want to do this (whatever it is) and so you will. DO NOT be drawn into an argument or lenghthy conversation about it and if they try, just say, "sorry guys, but I've made the decision so there's nothing you can say that will change that, so, shall I stick the kettle on?"
You be the calm one, you be the reasonable one and you be the adult. Then, whatever it is you wanted to do, go ahead and do it, enjoy it and tell them how happy it makes you.

I don't think you can beat the relationship you have with your parents after you go through this kind of battle to be seen as an adult. My mum and I were never that close growing up because I tended to get restrictions put on me so that I didn't make the same mistakes as my sister, but now we are closer than ever.

Sure, she still doesn't like things and has no problem telling me, but that's juts her being a mum that loves me.

Me and Stretchie are doing skydives later this year for charity and both our mums wanted to stop us, but they know they can't and last time I spoke to mum about it, she said, "well, if you're doing it, you have to do it well, so get me some sponsorship forms and I'll raise as much as I can for you"!

I don't tell them everything that's going on in my life, they don;t tell me everything that's going on in theirs. As for riding pillion with Stretchie, my mum knows I do it, but I don't ever talk to her about it or go there on the bike because we have a kind of understanding that she'd rather not know. That's fine with me. I'm not lying and she's not sat at home waiting for a phone call.

Just use your best judgement Kate and handle it the way you think is best for you and your parents, but you really should stand your ground with them at some point as it will be good for all of you.

Don't worry about disappointing them. If they have a problem with anything you do...that is their problem, not yours. You are 24, you should absolutely be able to live your life without worrying about what they think of you and the sooner you address that, the sooner you'll see that all they really want is for you to be happy.

Just go easy on them, you're their little girl and they'll always worry about you and want what's best for you. You just need to let them know that sometimes what they want and what you want are different, that's all there is to it.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[jamesterror]

I told my parents about 30 minutes before I booked my lessons, they seemed a bit miffed, as dad is against it.

Mum has come round now says I need to get a side cart for her.

[skeetly]

BTW parents are hopeless.
Eldest phoned up and said she wants to buy this expensive kitchen and I start off going on about how much it cost etc etc.
She's old enough ffs to know what she can afford.
I had to phone back and say sorry