The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 112 - SV650.org

BanannaMan · 25-12-14, 04:06 AM

Best Christmas commercial this year:

punyXpress · 29-12-14, 11:12 AM

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
*The survey was a complete failure because:*

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

29-12-14, 11:33 AM

What's black and white and red all over??

Penguin eating a jam sandwich.

What's black and white and read all over?

A newspaper.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

Penguin rolling down a hill.

What do you call a woman who throws all her unpaid bills into a fire?

Bernadette.

KingDerelict · 29-12-14, 01:56 PM

What’s black & white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

An embarrassed penguin.

A panda covered in ketchup.

A skunk with nappy rash.

A culled badger.

A magpie in your bicycle spokes.

A nun swimming in a vat of tomatoes.

A chessboard full of raspberries.

A piano player with a nose bleed.

Newcastle United players after a game at Sunderland.

andrewsmith · 29-12-14, 05:17 PM

BanannaMan · 30-12-14, 06:40 AM

Shopping in Lidl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKsG...yer_detailpage

03-01-15, 11:26 PM

After confirming that he will be leaving Liverpool at the end of the season, Steven Gerrard has also confirmed that he's written his memoirs.

Unfortunately, the book can't be published as it has no title...........

L3nny · 24-01-15, 07:30 AM

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

punyXpress · 03-02-15, 11:31 AM

Nowt funny about this one:

Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON for Christmas.
She wasn't impressed even after he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK and iCLEAN network.
This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function.

BanannaMan · 08-02-15, 02:17 AM

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him very frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him....(are you ready?).... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

29-12-14, 11:12 AM	#1112
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a complete failure because: In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

29-12-14, 11:33 AM	#1113
Matt-EUC Guest Posts: n/a	The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes What's black and white and red all over?? Penguin eating a jam sandwich. What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper. What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white? Penguin rolling down a hill. What do you call a woman who throws all her unpaid bills into a fire? Bernadette.

29-12-14, 01:56 PM	#1114
KingDerelict Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 11	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes What’s black & white and red all over? A sunburnt zebra. An embarrassed penguin. A panda covered in ketchup. A skunk with nappy rash. A culled badger. A magpie in your bicycle spokes. A nun swimming in a vat of tomatoes. A chessboard full of raspberries. A piano player with a nose bleed. Newcastle United players after a game at Sunderland.

29-12-14, 05:17 PM	#1115
andrewsmith Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, Just south of salad dodging country Posts: 7,750	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes __________________ RIP Reeder 20/07/1988 - 21/03/2012. Always missed squire!!! Every year we meet old friends, gain some new ones, lose old ones and you always remember them all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Mahatma Gandhi

30-12-14, 06:40 AM	#1116
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Shopping in Lidl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKsG...yer_detailpage __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

03-01-15, 11:26 PM	#1117
Jabba Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes After confirming that he will be leaving Liverpool at the end of the season, Steven Gerrard has also confirmed that he's written his memoirs. Unfortunately, the book can't be published as it has no title...........

24-01-15, 07:30 AM	#1118
L3nny Member Mega Poster Join Date: May 2008 Location: MK Posts: 2,111	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam. When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau. __________________ 2015 GS 1200 Adventure

03-02-15, 11:31 AM	#1119
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Nowt funny about this one: Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON for Christmas. She wasn't impressed even after he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK and iCLEAN network. This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

08-02-15, 02:17 AM	#1120
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him very frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....(are you ready?).... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

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