Today I met a charming young lady!

[Red ones]

I clearly fail to understand these European ways. I still live in a world where liberal still means how to apply shampoo to your head on a weekly basis.

I have a feeling that you are not yet ready to share your happiness fully with us and fear another 10 pages of comments and teases as you fully brief us on the debriefing of Natasha!

Redones it is indeed true that unlike your educated and diplomatic self, the forum does at times abound with far too many chaps who like everything over and done with in the time it takes to boil an egg....just like so many aspects of their lives!(You know wot I'm saying ladies? )

OH FFS!! Are you still carrying on leading us into all sorts of misconceptions about who or what this moose is...Feck me...7 pages!! And I thought this would be resolved before my bedtime at 22h00 last night!

Anywhos! Enough of this...I'm off to see Pirates of the car. at the cinema now

Jdubya....Why pay good money for your fiction when you have me for free!? :P

exactly you got me hooked

[anna]

Originally Posted by Peter Henry

Jdubya....Why pay good money for your fiction when you have me for free!? :P

surly you do yourself an injustice Mr PH.. for free???!!

prey continue with your tale of happiness I for one am sitting comfortable

Have you ever noticed how one chat's about the most obscure subjects when getting to know someone new? Well this was no different and perhaps for some the subject oddly moved on to botty burps! I know,I know many might frown but this was partly an education for me.

You see in some cultures one is expected to belch loudly following a meal,thus indicationg to the host that the food has been fully enjoyed. Well where Natasha is from trouser tearers are viewed entirely differently than perhaps we have come to treat them.

In impoverished times when money was scarce and fuel to keep a fire going was a rare commodity, was spawned a new approach to the bass like bottom. In fact during winter months, if a family member took ill with a stomach complaint, the neighbours would be invited round to warm their hands on any likely gaseous emissions. This came as welcome relief as normally one would never dream of parting with anything so warm in such perished conditions.

Natasha noticed my puzzled look at her explanation and wondered how it was in England?

I explained that oddly as a young child if one unwittingly parped,perhaps due to childish exuberance....any adult would instantly begin along the lines of..."was that you?" in a mock childish voice normally accompanied by a smile. Therefore that equated to...... you parp-people laugh? oK that's easy to follow.

I explained that somewhere along the way though, we all must pass "go" and not collect any further amused comments from any adult or parent. As mystically should a pheep be uttered you are now suddenly shot the most cutting of glances and only words of condemnation come your way.

Where, I asked had the line been drawn? Did any adult ever take the time to explain why this change of events,(as devastating to an impressionable child as learning that after all these years it had been your Dad playing Santa and he who scoffed the mince pie and glass of sherry! )

And how could it be in other circumstances, even the loudest of braps can be totally ignored by all adults present? A case in point might be when you are playing with a child that thinks it would be great fun to bounce as hard as possible on your stomach,minutes after you finished that 3 course,belt loosening meal?

The kid bounces, you unavoidably poop one, the kid screams with amusement,you begin to giggle but suddenly realise where you are and who you are with, whilst all of the other adults simply carry on their conversation about John Prescott?

I had to admit that such confusion created a very complicated childhood for both myself and my brother,as our parents had become extremely "tuttish" should either of us let forth so much as a squeeker.

This confusion eventually led to revolution and our favourite trick after sitting with clenched cheeks for a couple of hours watching TV with Mum and Dad was to exact our own particular brand of revenge!

Our timing was of a military nature and the technique was to let one brang it's way out just before we had finished closing the lounge door behind us!

We would dive across the hallway and collapse in a heap on the bottom of the stairs as we visualised the exchanged glances between our parents on hearing our little outburst!

It all changed not many years later and I became a reformed parper due to a rather frightening experience. My Mother to my eternal shame booked an appointment for me to go along to see our GP:P. about my "trumping". Oh the shame.

Well off we went to see old nicotine fingers himself and he did not stand on ceremony. He instructed me to..yeah you guessed it....go behind the screen and remove my lower garments. FFS if I have to pop back out without my crackers on, I might just as well whip em off right here!

Anyway I did as instructed and wandered back round, this was even more embarassing in front of my Mum, me being 19! The Doc sat in his chair and simply said,"Ok,off you go then". I flushed and looked at Mum, she for once in connection with this subject nodded her encouragement.

Well not to look a gift horse in the mouth, I presented to them my widest range of chords, quick brap, slow brap and looong brap. The full works. I had used a chair to lean forward on to aid my performance.

The Doc left his chair and came to have a peep with his little torch at "my back passage"...he didn't touch though honest!

He stood back up and went around his desk and from the corner against the wall he took hold of a pole with a painful looking hook on the end of it.

"Bloody hell Doc I whined," "What you going to do with that?"

















"I'm going to open the window" he replied..."It stinks awful in here!"

So Anna how did you deal with this difficult subject in your formative years?

Natasha?

Natasha certainly is a unique specimen then...will you continue with this then mr PH?

Well purely in response to popular demand I shall meander a little more.

I am not sure if this tugging on my heart strings can be sustained for much longer,(I bet the ladies on here love my 21st century approach which allows me to express my feelings and not repress them like so many blokes? )

Natasha has moments when she is as feisty as an eskimo girl who seemed to love quarrels and even once threatened to break it off .....between us, purely because I would not take a skinny dip with her in a fishing hole she had cut in the ice.

Natasha finally confessed that she is married to a soldier in the Russian army and he is presently away on practice sessions.(Quite handy one might have thought as I had a few manouvres in mind myself! )

She wept when telling me that indeed she had been wrong and that I had taken her to places she had never even dreamt of before. She had enquired if I had been a gymnast in my youth and was naturally impressed by what I had to offer.

But this love is doomed, I cannot continue with it ,as to share my perfect woman with another man is just too much to bare.

I am left desolate, feeling empty and as unloved as a CBR owner. Is there any advice the warm peeps of the ORG might offer?(The odd tel nº of one or other of our more flighty female members would be nice...after a suitable period of reflection of course. So any time after tomorrow is pretty cool! :P )


I am then once more left wondering what might have been. Will there ever be a true love for me?