The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 136 - SV650.org

keith_d · 19-06-20, 12:12 PM

After three months of tedious lockdown, if you were given the choice of a luxury weekend away with your wife, or a barbeque with your mates, would you choose:

a) Burgers
b) Chicken
c) Sausages

punyXpress · 19-06-20, 02:03 PM

Cheap ( & dirty ) weekend with next door's au pair ?
No food required.

Seeker · 08-08-20, 06:04 AM

... and won't be able to unsee:

https://twitter.com/joeheenan/status...73617071611906

punyXpress · 23-09-20, 04:35 PM

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;

They just make the most of everything they have.....

They Walk Among Us - BE VERY WARY

IDIOT SIGHTING No.1

My daughter and I went to the McDonald's drive-through check-out window to pay our bill and I gave the clerk a £5 note.

Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.

She said, 'You gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'

She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we do not do that kind of thing'.

The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's !!

punyXpress · 23-09-20, 04:37 PM

IDIOT SIGHTING No 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us

that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'

We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .

punyXpress · 23-09-20, 04:38 PM

IDIOT SIGHTING No 3

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign from our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more'.

Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire.

punyXpress · 23-09-20, 04:40 PM

IDIOT SIGHTING No 4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg Lettuce.

From South Oxhey, Hertfordshire.

chris8886 · 23-09-20, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by punyXpress

IDIOT SIGHTING No 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us

that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'

We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .

You don't live in Moor Park do you?! I know the area extremely well!

punyXpress · 23-09-20, 09:12 PM

No - don't have an up & over door either !

Biker Biggles · 24-09-20, 07:07 AM

Well I live quite near Potters Bar and I think they should make that "Deer Crossing" cheaper.

19-06-20, 12:12 PM	#1351
keith_d Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ruislip Posts: 1,131	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes After three months of tedious lockdown, if you were given the choice of a luxury weekend away with your wife, or a barbeque with your mates, would you choose: a) Burgers b) Chicken c) Sausages

19-06-20, 02:03 PM	#1352
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Cheap ( & dirty ) weekend with next door's au pair ? No food required. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

08-08-20, 06:04 AM	#1353
Seeker Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jun 2016 Location: NE Lincs Posts: 1,111	a gif you didn't want to see... ... and won't be able to unsee: https://twitter.com/joeheenan/status...73617071611906 __________________ 2016 SV650AL7 2023 GSX-8S

23-09-20, 04:35 PM	#1354
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes 'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything they have..... They Walk Among Us - BE VERY WARY IDIOT SIGHTING No.1 My daughter and I went to the McDonald's drive-through check-out window to pay our bill and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.' She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we do not do that kind of thing'. The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change. Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's !! __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

23-09-20, 04:37 PM	#1355
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes IDIOT SIGHTING No 2 We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...' We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford . __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

23-09-20, 04:38 PM	#1356
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes IDIOT SIGHTING No 3 I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign from our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more'. Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

23-09-20, 04:40 PM	#1357
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes IDIOT SIGHTING No 4 My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg Lettuce. From South Oxhey, Hertfordshire. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

23-09-20, 09:12 PM	#1359
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes No - don't have an up & over door either ! __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

24-09-20, 07:07 AM	#1360
Biker Biggles Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Barnet Herts Posts: 5,070	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Well I live quite near Potters Bar and I think they should make that "Deer Crossing" cheaper. __________________ On a clear day we stand there and look further than the ordinary eye can see.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here	fizzwheel	Idle Banter	4533	02-12-11 09:28 PM
This will probably go into the comedy club	plowsie	Idle Banter	4	23-09-08 01:16 PM