Dilemma. One I wish I didn't have.

Thank's everyone for your advice. I don't think she eats that well or that much. I'm sure that she has lost some weight. The house is not at a dangerous to health stage yet. I was round earlier today and managed to wash up some of the dirtiest mugs that I've ever drunk out of. I also cleaned the toilet which she will probably spot as I left it full of blue toilet cleaner.

We have offered to take her out recently, but she isn't interested. As for close friends that she confides in? I'm unaware of any.

Originally Posted by madness

I was round earlier today and managed to wash up some of the dirtiest mugs that I've ever drunk out of.

Clearly never been a student then

Seriously though, really hope you can come up with a solution which works for you and your ma, it is a horrible situation to be in.

[Ian P]

The way we got around this was by putting my Gran into an old folks home for a couple of weeks, saying that it was a holiday, as there is no way she would of gone there full time,
in that two weeks she enjoyed her self so much she never left.
hard thing to do, but was the right thing (the government took all her savings though)
You can only do what you think is right

Originally Posted by Ian P

The way we got around this was by putting my Gran into an old folks home for a couple of weeks, saying that it was a holiday, as there is no way she would of gone there full time,
in that two weeks she enjoyed her self so much she never left.
hard thing to do, but was the right thing (the government took all her savings though)
You can only do what you think is right

My grandma did have to go in one briefly, and we could barely get her out!

Mick - what's your mum's sight like? My mother went through a similar phase - her sight had deteriorated very slowly - she had cataracts in both eyes... perhaps your mum can't see the mess.

Originally Posted by Ed

Mick - what's your mum's sight like? My mother went through a similar phase - her sight had deteriorated very slowly - she had cataracts in both eyes... perhaps your mum can't see the mess.

In the case I mentioned above, it was exactly that. She couldn't see a thing, but was too proud to mention it.

Originally Posted by Ed

Mick - what's your mum's sight like? My mother went through a similar phase - her sight had deteriorated very slowly - she had cataracts in both eyes... perhaps your mum can't see the mess.

Not sure about her eyesight, but her hearing has deteriorated. These days I can be in the house and walk into the room she is in before she hears me. Luckily she always keeps the door locked.

Hate to say it, but I see a very familiar pattern here. Someone too proud to ask for or accept help, not cleaning, not eating properly, not going out.

This sounds like my grandmother who was struggling to do things far more than she was admitting to and she was very good at hiding it.

She had lived her entire life through the church since her teens/twenties and the early signs were when she stopped going. She said she "just fancied staying at home", but the truth of it was she really struggled with the whole process of getting ready and getting to church and back, and she had decided the effort required to visit to the church wasn't worth the tiredness she would feel afterwards. She didn't have to walk there, somebody gave her a lift, but it was the getting out of bed, having a bath, geting her sunday clothes on, doing her hair, and the whole thing from getting ready to getting home in the afternoon that she found difficult.

A couple of years later, she stopped cooking because she was finding the saucepans too heavy, but she wouldn't admit to that, she would tell you she'd had something earlier or that she wasn't hungry.

Eventually we got social services involved and they sent a Occupational Therapist to assess her and she got the house kitted out with disabled access equipment that made her life a lot easier, but thoughout the process she was petrified that the OT's conculsion would be that the was no longer able to live independantly and that she would end up in a home.

Eventually she broke a leg, she insisted she hadn't fallen or anything (she had osteoporosis and we later found out osteomylitis, so this may be true), but by this point she was using a zimmer anyway so she walked around on it and hid it from everybody for god knows how long, must have been painful but she didn't let on. She ended up in hospital and even then hid any pain/problems from the doctors thinking they would send her home. She died at the beginning of March, two weeks after they told her she wasn't going home again and put her into long term geriatric care.

I'm not saying your mother is the same, but just something to question with your brothers and sisters i.e. do you think she's really struggling and not telling us? If it is the same scenario and you can catch it early all the better, there household aids and stuff that you can get to make her life easier.

I can kind of understand what u mean, my own grandmother is getting to a similar stage/age. it is a lot easier for me to notice the deterioration of her than my mum. I can see that she now gets tired doing simple things like going to town to pay bills and pick up some shopping. it's just hard having my mum realise that her mum is getting older and cannot do what she used to.

something I picked up on is saying she used to have a nice garden but now can't be bothered. you should suggest looking after her garden for her, altho this may seem like a small thing, but I think if she doesn't mind you helping with the garden then she prob would like help with other things in her life, but is just to proud to ask. where as if she says she isn't bothered by it at all, then maybe she is genuinely content with her life and is just accepting she is getting older.

My gran's doctor set her up on a scheme where she gets about £65 a week for help, she pays some woman to come in twice a week to hoover and dust and the like, and keeps £20 herself speak to her GP i'd say... unless that's like going behind her back. :/