NOT to be morbid....

[Paul the 6th]

yep, still have days where I just wanna ask my mum about her day or make her a cuppa, only to be told that it's not got enough milk in it, or that no she can't have a biscuit because she's been doing really well on her gluten free/wheat free/low carb/high protein/grapefruit/pumpkin seed diet... I try and remember the good times, but I can't seem to get away from the memories of the last 6 weeks of her life, especially the last 10 days in the hospice. She was only 59...

To everyone else who still has their parents - don't put stuff off. If you've got stuff to do or say, then get on with it while they're still around. Life's short

Originally Posted by Paul the 6th

To everyone else who still has their parents - don't put stuff off. If you've got stuff to do or say, then get on with it while they're still around. Life's short

Couldn't agree with you more. My Mum lost her Dad not long ago, so that was the first time I'd really seen loss as an adult, and then finding out my Dad isn't as well as he used to be kicked my backside into gear. I've since got my bike licence and got my Dad back into biking and I definitely make a lot more time for them than maybe I used to.

[dirtydog]

Know how you feel. Its been a long time (20yrs) and it deosn't get much easier.
Dad was only 42

Originally Posted by Paul the 6th

I try and remember the good times, but I can't seem to get away from the memories of the last 6 weeks of her life, especially the last 10 days in the hospice. She was only 59...

Paul - don't try to forget the last 6 weeks - they will fade let them bring other memories through.
I took me a while to accept and understand that i would remember other things as I could only remember one incident and i thought that was all I going to remember.
It will get easier and one day you realise that you are thinking of something else first.
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) its a hard one to deal with ( my mum was 55)

[Paul the 6th]

cheers Q (and everyone else who's shared that they've gone through/are going through similar things), to be fair I think it's all still just a bit too fresh in our minds' so it's hard to ignore the bad memories (where the hell have the last 5 months gotten to?) but I guess it's a case of working through it all until those last weeks are forgotten but all the good memories stick around.

Having said that, there were 2 bits which I remember from the hospice which make me smile. She'd gotten to the point where she was so ill & sedated with pain killers that she couldn't speak, and she could barely open her eyes or raise a hand, but I was sat telling her about my day anyway. She wasn't reacting to anything I was saying, but then I mentioned I'd sold my bike and bought a big giant organge KTM... Her eyes popped open and she mouthed the words "What?!".... she was always a worrier and despite literally being on her death bed she still managed to react to that as if for a few seconds she was absolutely fine..

The other was a day or two later, still unable to whisper more than one or two words - I told her I was gonna to propose to Dani and although she didn't open her eyes, a big smile spread across her face.

Just need to accept the fact she's not gonna be here for the wedding or the grandkids or the cups of tea or the odd nights where we all go out for dinner together & tell stories and jokes, or swap recipies or try to explain the difference between freeview & virgin media... all about the little things I guess. She was bloody brilliant though

Originally Posted by Paul the 6th

cheers Q (and everyone else who's shared that they've gone through/are going through similar things), to be fair I think it's all still just a bit too fresh in our minds' so it's hard to ignore the bad memories (where the hell have the last 5 months gotten to?) but I guess it's a case of working through it all until those last weeks are forgotten but all the good memories stick around.

Having said that, there were 2 bits which I remember from the hospice which make me smile. She'd gotten to the point where she was so ill & sedated with pain killers that she couldn't speak, and she could barely open her eyes or raise a hand, but I was sat telling her about my day anyway. She wasn't reacting to anything I was saying, but then I mentioned I'd sold my bike and bought a big giant organge KTM... Her eyes popped open and she mouthed the words "What?!".... she was always a worrier and despite literally being on her death bed she still managed to react to that as if for a few seconds she was absolutely fine..

The other was a day or two later, still unable to whisper more than one or two words - I told her I was gonna to propose to Dani and although she didn't open her eyes, a big smile spread across her face.

Just need to accept the fact she's not gonna be here for the wedding or the grandkids or the cups of tea or the odd nights where we all go out for dinner together & tell stories and jokes, or swap recipies or try to explain the difference between freeview & virgin media... all about the little things I guess. She was bloody brilliant though

Oh paul, I dont think we have ever really spoken before, but you just had me welling up as i read that. I can relate in some respects as i have the same thoughts about my dad not going to be there to walk me down the ilse and be proud of me and tell me i look beautifull. And it breaks my heart

[Paul the 6th]

Originally Posted by Rai86

Oh paul, I dont think we have ever really spoken before, but you just had me welling up as i read that. I can relate in some respects as i have the same thoughts about my dad not going to be there to walk me down the ilse and be proud of me and tell me i look beautifull. And it breaks my heart

eek sorry Rai, really not trying to upset anyone, just thinking out loud as usual. Sorry to hear about your dad as well.

The way I've been thinking about it all is that, since she's not gonna be around to see it all, I'm gonna put every ounce of energy I've got into doing it all properly. It's dani's 21st birthday next week so I'm taking her to Edinburgh as it's her favorite city (she doesn't know about that yet) and I'm gonna propose to her at the Castle (was tempted by calton hill but then found out it's popular with doggers and such like), then take her out for dinner on the evening.... then since disneyland is her favorite place in the whole wide world we're going there at the end of the month.

It's the sort of stuff I'd have loved dani to tell my mum about while we're in a restaurant somewhere - but just because she's not around and that's not going to happen, doesn't mean I shouldn't pull out all the stops and do it all as if she was still here. Not a big fan of the whole "they'll be looking down on us" stuff, but if it did turn out there was something after life then atleast she can see I'm doing things that would have made her proud hopefully.

Anywho, I'll stop hijacking this thread for my own therapeutic needs now & sorry if I've upset anybody

No no you didnt upset me, it was just a very emotional post and its not a bad thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences, its not an easy thing to do

*oh god, how much do i sound like a group therapist* lol

I hope the proposal goes well, and i am sure you will make your mum proud

Yo edinburgh - not far from me - only about 40 miles!!! and hijaking is allowed its not always easy. and yes life to short not to do it right!

Rai - feeling it hunni - we're the same with mum as she always wanted a huge hat to wear as mother of the bride - so I'm going to buy one and have it as decoration on the top table
and - it going on a remote control darleck so she come down the aisle with me - Yup I'm crazy!

Like Messie... it becomes a positive thing, something you can think about happily like 'do you remember when....' and smile. Dear John (FIL), I so wish you were here now.