grumpy letter to david cameron...

[maviczap]

Don't forget your passport as the border checkpoint will be built at Scotch Corner

It's ok - I'll be flying in on my private jet (midwifery pays well in other countries!) direct to the Capital.

Surely we'd not build a check point in England? Seems a bit random, closer to the border would make more sense.

[maviczap]

Originally Posted by fenjer

It's ok - I'll be flying in on my private jet (midwifery pays well in other countries!) direct to the Capital.

Surely we'd not build a check point in England? Seems a bit random, closer to the border would make more sense.

Clan Alex Salmond will have invaded by then, but couldn't find their way any further south

Hmmm...

I'd also like to know what the heck I'm supposed to do with the £100 of alcohol and fags I'm supposed to buy each week, I mean, I couldnt drink it, I'd die of liver failure in the first week... and I abhor smoking... And I presume the illegals (and their cows) would all be rounded up - so I couldnt sell it on. My peer group would also be stowed out with fags and booze so I cant even palm it off as presents to them....

The more I think about this plan the more flawed it is....

[maviczap]

Tell the illegals their free cow is on the Isle of Wight,

One problem solved

or in scotland

the border will be shut and they cant get back

Originally Posted by leebex

or in scotland

the border will be shut and they cant get back

There will be a one way exit system...

And Scottish cows are far too good to "donate" to illegals, even if we are taking them back once we find them.

Why dont we send them to france, friesian cows would cost less for the govt to buy in the first place...

[maviczap]

Originally Posted by leebex

or in scotland

the border will be shut and they cant get back

Spiffing idea, there's more room up there for cows and illegals

I hate "funny" emails like this.

Originally Posted by leebex

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

A bunch of young idiots who don't know what they're doing suddenly find themselves in charge of huge companies without enough experience to run them. Bankruptcies abound.

2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

So is that a high emissions Jaguar, a high emissions Aston Marton, a high emissions Land Rover, or a Chinese 'Rover'?

[3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

Except, they'll all go and buy a second house in the countryside and keep their existing one. Housing Crisis f***ed further!

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university

Crime rate fixed

School is a legal requirement. College/university for what, a worthless degree in theatre lighting/military history/Lady Gaga? Then they all come out with these stupid degrees and all get jobs in call centres. Hang on, THIS HAS ALREADY HAPPENED! And there's not enough jobs to go around (especially given how many large firms will go bust as per point 1) so there's a lot of desperate, angry young people around to become criminals.

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....

And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

This has already happened too.

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

I'd prefer to put cretins who write stupid chain emails like this in jail, you can share a cell with Big Bubba and his previous bitch, that berk who wrote that 'Notification of Revocation of US Independence'. No, it wasn't John frickin' Cleese.

Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Maybe you should f*** right off? Or run for office, since you've got all the answers.

Originally Posted by metalangel

I hate "funny" emails like this.

I do believe that's why the rest of us took the Michael....
Did you wake up on the grumpy side of the bed today?