Parents.

How is your life a lie? Didn't they raise and care for you as a family? If you weren't as a family is there something that you feel they didn't give you?

That bit of paper is not an issue.

There are things in life to get upset about but I'm fairly sure this isn't one of them.

The way you deal with this now can affect your future with them and add years of bitterness and pain that really isn't necessary.

Chill out a bit and look at the larger picture and maybe you can be happy that they've finally got round to it - no matter what you've been told in the past. If there were lies you should look at WHY there were lies before you judge them.

They'll really want you to be happy for them.

Originally Posted by Quiff Wichard

it gets worse Peter..


They rang me too..

I am your brother !!!



see you for Christmas... at yours of course... ! I will bring me shorts!

Oh that had me in stiches....

.

Ping has written everything I wanted to say but so much more eloquently than I could have put it.

Ditto to Ping.

Peter, is certainly a hard time for you. I havent been in that position so i cant imagine how i'd feel or react, so what ever advise i can give, is academic anyhow.

However, you say your life has been a lie. Did your parents actually say that they were married before? Or was it just presumed that they were?

If they had said they were, perhaps you could question this lie, if it was just a case of assumption.... then dont worry about it.

Eitherway, id try and be pleased for them. Every person deserves to have that special someone in their life, and you should be happy for your mum and dad that they have found each other, and that they raised you in such a successful way they have.

They have a lot to be proud of, and you should be proud of them for their devotion to you over the years.

Like scoobs has said.. it could have been worse, there are many kids out there with either just mum or dad, or without any.

Whatever happens buddy, keep your chin up.... the world is a large place, and life is too short.

Originally Posted by Scoobs

I've never been in the same situation as you, but I have friends who have children who aren't married. No-one thinks any less of them. In this day and age it doesn't really matter (IMO). I guess that ain't the point though is it? Or is it? What's really bugging you about it?

I think you are lucky to have both parents. As long as I can remember I have been part of a single parent family. Even when my M & D were still married. I haven't seen my dad for about 17 years.

Being a child of unmarried parents may not have the stigma it did - but that doesn't take away the fact that there once was alot of negative feeling towards this sort on thing once.

Peter, it could be that your parents started out by simply protecting you from such ignorant thinking; giving the outward world and yourself the comforting image of a 'proper' family.
I can only guess, but a deceipt like that - the longer it goes on the harder it may be to come clean so to speak. Perhaps that is why they didn't then tell you in your late teens perhaps, or early twenties.

You have my sympathies. It is harsh to feel betrayed by those you should have the strongest bonds of trust and honesty with. This is going to feel raw for some time to come - but going over an re-analysing everything they ever did and said is only going to prolong the bad feelings. Would it really serve a purpose too?


Scoobs, is having two parents who have decieved you better than having one who was honest? Personally I don't think so. Perhaps even having none at all can be the making of a person.
But then this is one of those deeply sensitive and individual issues that I feel should never be compared in this way.

Peter, talk with them, when you feel you can. Try to be accepting of their reasons - life's too short.

Originally Posted by K

Perhaps that is why they didn't then tell you in your late teens perhaps, or early twenties.

you are kidding right?

The way I see it, its nothing to do with having 2 parents is better than one and all that, its the fact that the parents have lied about something that is so important. Personally, if my parents had done that to me, I would be gutted. I would also question everything they told me as well. Its a big thing, and if they would lie over something like that for so long, how can you trust them again?

I'm sorry to hear whats happened, I can only imagine what it is like and thats bad enough. My sympathies.

You are such good minded people this is true. But has no-one wondered why they did not take the right action in the first place? Well I sure did and I asked the question....I now wish I hadn't.

Oh yeah my mum with the quaint softly spoken Irish accent, who tuts should anyone mention the word "bloody" in her presence! Good catholic girl you see? What a sham!

The tale is far more colourful than I can cope with to be honest but apparently it goes a little like this,(if even any of this can now be believed!)

Young Irish girl moved to the big city of Manchester from rural Cork in the late 50's. Now like any girl from the sticks she is going to be impressed by the bright lights of a big city. When she left school and gained employment as a typist she would hear her workmates makng plans for nights out. Only mum couldn't join in due to grandads strictly run household and comments like "only a Jezabelle would want to be out until past 10.00pm"

This oppression gradually wore her down and secretly she arranged to share a bed sit with a work mate. Sharing the rent etc. But not long after moving in she found that once the rent and a few items of food were bought, not much remained for any kind of social life.

Another friend took her along to a club where if she sat and chatted with people and they bought drinks then she earned a commission. Nice deal it would appear? But gradually as the earning potential increased so did,(God Forbid) the services that she began to make herself available for. A "Hostess" I believe the job title was back then?

But during all of this she managed to meet my dad who was the captain of her local rugby club, nice chap and all and they began to see more of each other. However one drunken saturday night following a "do" at the rugby club it appeared that mum's err hum defences were allowed to drop...along with other things it would seem..

Smashed out of her head she lurched back to the house of one of the players were an impromptu party took place. Several of the first team players were in attendance and apparently more than one received his match "bonus" that night.

Therefore in a nutshell she had to get out the pin and try to select WHO to claim as the father of her forth coming child. My dad was selected despite not being the best of the rugby players,but one that seemed to have prospects and a caring nature.

All very comforting to me as you can imagine!

Hmm...Even for the modern thinking folks of Sv.ORG the fuller story makes it less easy to offer words of wisdom,does it not?

And what do I tell my son? Say nothing to protect him as the truth is worse than the lie? But then I am consciously perpetuating the lie which does not rest easy with me.

His Easter Egg's have been posted over? My a*se!

Like i say peter, i would love to offer words of wisdom which would make it easier for you and your family, alas ive no experience of situations like this. Even then, the best advise i would offer you would be not to listen to any as only you truely know the best course of action.

As for your son.. how close was he to his "grand parents"?

Its going to be difficult thats for sure, but you will all get through this terrible time.

And it is important you remember one very important piece of information - they still love you. They devoted their time and effort into bringing you up to do the right thing, you've made a succes of your life, and they have everything to be proud of.

Dont hold any grudges over this, as life is way too short. You will surely only regret it if you did.