The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Originally Posted by Bluepete

Just brilliant!

Pete

sure is, wonder what you were looking for when you found that dave eh?

[Dave20046]

Gordon ramsay's butt crack , duh!

[punyXpress]

Guido The Italian Lover

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed, this time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion..
The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping..
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again in a loud voice, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I'm Norwegian."

Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on Curry powder?


He was in a Korma for two weeks!

[Paul the 6th]

What about the guy who overdosed on chilli powder..

Frostbite.

[punyXpress]

The true meaning of Christmas:
The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?
Patrick stood up and said: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put biscuits and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.
Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office.We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory.When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...and begin to sing:
“What A Friend We Have in Jesus”.
Then we all go to the Bahamas.

Originally Posted by Dave20046

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=YKZxBDO5VR4

Ow crap, that is the funniest thing I've seen in ages. I was getting fed up at the start but it just got better and better. Great work that man!

[Paul the 6th]

No one does movies like Sky Movies.

Apart from The Pirate Bay.

I'm so sick of Christians appropriating pagan festivals and deities. Just found out Cliff Richard was originally the pagan god of war.

[Viney]

Posted on behalf of Quedos (Shes been blocked at work)


David Cameron was looking for a lady of the night, he found one such lady in a pub. He said "I'm Prime Minister of Great Britain how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" Her reply? "well prime minister if you can get my skirt as high as my taxes, my thong as low as my wages. your **** as hard as the times I'm living in and keep it rising like the price of petrol and screw me tha way you have screwed the pensioners then it won't cost u a fricking penny."