Vacancy at the Home of Cricket

[Littlepeahead]

I have never tried to drink Flintoff under the table. I did have to get him onto a team bus after that Ashes celebration a few years back. Harmison was worse, he was lying across the doorway of the Lord's shop with a pint in his hand, it really wasn't doing much for custom when you have a lanky Geordie stopping people getting into your retail establishment.

I've also pretended to be Andre Nel's personal bodyguard. Two lads were after a scrap with him in a dodgy pub in Camden and rather than have Nel get into more trouble I got him to say that if they had a problem with him then they could take it outside with me as I had been employed to protect him from drunk idiots. The two numpties were so baffled by this I think they actually believed him. You must get a lot of 5'2" 8 stone women protecting 6'5" muscly South Africans with anger management problems.

well love you have now been hired to protect a 6"8 paddy from drunken idiots in essex

Originally Posted by Littlepeahead

I don't get them for the major England matches but if you're ever coming to a Middlesex match then let me know as I get freebies for those.

Middlesex tickets would be ace - never have I spent such an enjoyable relaxing afternoon...at least not since I've had kids!

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by Littlepeahead

I have never tried to drink Flintoff under the table. I did have to get him onto a team bus after that Ashes celebration a few years back. Harmison was worse, he was lying across the doorway of the Lord's shop with a pint in his hand, it really wasn't doing much for custom when you have a lanky Geordie stopping people getting into your retail establishment.

I've also pretended to be Andre Nel's personal bodyguard. Two lads were after a scrap with him in a dodgy pub in Camden and rather than have Nel get into more trouble I got him to say that if they had a problem with him then they could take it outside with me as I had been employed to protect him from drunk idiots. The two numpties were so baffled by this I think they actually believed him. You must get a lot of 5'2" 8 stone women protecting 6'5" muscly South Africans with anger management problems.

When i worked for the RFU back in the day, the squad had to go to Gap to buy decent ish clothes for a VIP box to see Whitney Houston at Wembley. Well, who did they send to look after them? Yep, little 21 year old me.

They opened the store after hours for us, and the poor sales staff didn't have a clue how to cope. I had to walk around shouting at the boys to grow up and dress themselves.

Them, got outside and Three little idiots decided it would be a good idea to attack the entire England Rugby team. This was back when Dallaglio wad captain, we had him, Martin Johnson, the Leicester front row, Phil Vickery and trevor Woodman...the lot of them. What did they do? Went back in the store and left me out there. Only one to come out for me was Jerry Guscot who is usually surprisingly shy. He came out to hear my lay seven shades of verbal sh!! Into the lads and i got a round of applause.

That was just one time. Between working for the RFU, Gloucester and Bristol rugby clubs, I have enough stories to write a book...but I won't!