Friday 25th: If you aren't there, the terrorists win!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you, Darren the plonker.

My phone was on charge in the bedroom as I'd left it in my haste to bypass the Ace cafe as quickly as possible. I never leave home on the bike without a phone (ICE, breakdown) so this must be weird coincidence. I did however get some cash nicked but now the phone's here I think I may have put down my wallet while I got sugar for my coffee or even left it on the counter.

I put my hands up. Even though I probably wasn't robbed or pickpocketed I was still stolen from and it may have been my own fault. I'm still gonna go through it with the old bill cos a theif is a theif. Another coincidence is I never carry cash unless I need it! It was given to me by the folks and guests at a Family Christening for my charity doo da. (This is starting to look like Arthur Fowler nicking from the Christmas club!)

All together now "Hands up, baby hands up, give me your love gimme gimme your love gimme gimme......"

Thanks for the use of your phone Anna. I owe you several coffee's and a big cuddle.

That was a nice message Big Man, thanks.

Lesson learned, big time. Damn my leather trousers for having no pockets! I may have even wedged the wallet into my trousers and it just fell out. Thank God the theif had half a conscience. I now have a blocked phone, a useless maestro card and credit card and an embarrassed look on my face.

Darren the Donut (-£70)


P.S. Ribbing will only be tolerated for the next week, and in person.

P.P.S. Had a good time tonight. The ride home was, well, swifter than I'm used to. Lots of old Bill. When the Deviant and his follower left there was a third plod car. Was bloody great though. I could've ridden straight onto a track and beaten Rossi I reckon. (It's the feeling that counts you know).

P.P.P.S. I half believe in Karma, and if it exists, I think this happened because I was taking the Mickey out of Jason Lee thingy (My Name is Earl) for being a scientologist. Bloody Alien freaks. (Awaits recently fixed toilet to break and flood the joint)

Sorry to hear of your dosh loss darren hope the kind police of SoHo are able tro help you out