Gripe of the day - What is yours?

[SV650rules]

Originally Posted by Seeker

I never claimed to be a good person. My daughter is 26. I would like to reconcile but honestly as the years go by it means less and less. You obviously have not seen the email she sent, it was the most hostile, hate filled piece of writing that I have ever received. Six months after she sent it she asked why we were no longer talking, I explained about her email which she couldn't recall. I sent her a copy of her own email, asked for an apology and never heard anything since.

The reason she sent it was that she went to my father and asked for money for a car. The only time she spoke to my parents was when she wanted money and she never thanked them when she received any. This was not how I (tried) to raise her. I called her on it, asked her to stop begging for money and the email was the result.

If I am a horrible person then it's genetic and runs in the family, unfortunately. On the other hand I never had parents, teachers, counsellors calling my parents about my behaviour as a child, like they did with her.

I realise it's easy to make a judgement based on one brief posting and I don't take offence on your comments but there's a lot of history here, a lot of dirty laundry which I'm not prepared to air to indicate what kind of person I am or am not.

The fact remains that I do not understand why a person's last request in life should not be honoured if they are in sound mind.

There is a very true saying that 'you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family'. I have seen grown kids be horrible and selfish to parents and expect unconditional love (and money when they ask for it) in return, some of them in our extended family so I have sympathy with you Seeker.

[ophic]

Originally Posted by SV650rules

There is a very true saying that 'you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family'. I have seen grown kids be horrible and selfish to parents and expect unconditional love (and money when they ask for it) in return, some of them in our extended family so I have sympathy with you Seeker.

Completely agree here. You can be nice for a while but when you're taken advantage of every single time, you have to stop, as it becomes self-inflicted injury when you know very well what will happen. Holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else involved just makes you an easy target.

From the perspective of some, no longer being nice appears as being nasty, especially when viewed out of context.

I speak from experience. Fortunately not with my children.

I also agree it's a daft system. You should be able to leave your possessions to anyone you choose. You could always go Egyptian style and get them buried with you

[timwilky]

I have bought an asbestos suit case. It is all going with me.

[Bibio]

you can leave what you like to whom you like without contention.. its all to do with how much your willing (see what i did there) to pay for your will and solicitor. a bog standard will costs around £400-500, but good proper wills cost £ks.

other things you might like to consider is the costs of carrying out the closure of your estate by your appointee/executor. they need a money pot for things like selling the house, extra funeral costs, death certificates and solicitors fees etc.etc.

personally i dont care what happens to my estate when i shuffle off as long as it goes to my family and not the local council.

[maviczap]

Originally Posted by Seeker

I'm awaiting the results of my MRI after discovering my high PSA and my thoughts turned to making a Will. My children are American, I have a son and a daughter but my daughter and I have been estranged for over 10 years after she sent me a vitriolic email demanding I stay out of her life.

I have discovered that it is practically impossible to exclude her from my Will. It can be written in but since I have US assets she could contest it in their courts and, most likely, win (and the US court would also recognise the UK assets). So much for honouring your last request on Earth! What a messed up system.

If I try and leave my house to my son now then it, too, would be taken into account as would paying off his student loans and it would be deducted from his final inheritance when the court rebalanced the distribution. You can't win.

The solicitor has said I have to leave her a "non derisory" amount but has, so far, declined to specify an amount. What I had intended to leave her was a laminated copy of the hostile email she sent me (and I have given that to the solicitor already).

My mum changed her will when my father died, and excluded one of my sisters from the state.

Similar circumstances, nasty email exchanges, and she didn't attend my dads funeral, despite the fact she loved my dad a lot.

It was the final straw for my mum, as this sister was given much more by my parents, than the rest of us.

As the executor of my mum's will I had to deal with giving my sister the news, as my mum hadn't told her of this change.

That was my mum's decision, like it or not

[maviczap]

Originally Posted by timwilky

I have bought an asbestos suit case. It is all going with me.

That's the best reply, made me smile

[Seeker]

Originally Posted by timwilky

I have bought an asbestos suit case. It is all going with me.

yes, but if you're going in that direction you'll get asbestosis (though that may be the least of your problems).

I'll save you a seat.

[punyXpress]

. . and asbestos gores all soggy in a dark, deep, wet grave?

[timwilky]

My dad changed his will 3 days before he died, instead of the estate going to his children, the lot went to his wife.


They had been together since she was our baby sitter in 1964 and they married in 79.


It caused a lot of friction in the family, our inheritance stolen by the woman who had stolen our father. The thing is, whilst my father was wealthy, the source of his business was a loan from my maternal grand father that he never repaid and was recovered by that side of the family not paying out to my mother when he died.


2 of my brothers and my sister have not spoken to "Her" since my father funeral and have a real grudge against me as the executor.


They will not understand that in his last days he realised his will made many years ago did not benefit his wife, as it stood she would have inherited a small pension. We his children were all financially independent. We did not need his brass. She needed a home/income.


As things now stand, my eldest daughter and I hold power of attorney (well being/financial) for "Her". I am also her executor. I know she has made large loans to her family that were never honored with one nephew saying knock it out of my inheritance, a large loan of several hundred thousand was made to prop up her brother in laws business that went under, they sold the business property and are using that as a pension rather than meeting the company debt. This forcing her to remake her will. I am under instruction that on her death. No one. Neither my fathers family, or her family get into her house. I bet the will, will make interesting reading!


Where there is a will, there is a family. Deserving or not!

[timwilky]

Originally Posted by punyXpress

. . and asbestos gores all soggy in a dark, deep, wet grave?

will be toasty were I go. Sodding off to the sun to live out my days once I retire. Come back skint and tell the welfare to house me and send someone to wipe my ass/feed me.