What I did in the big smoke...

[Stingo]

We arrived at around 3PM on Friday and parked up outside the UJC. We knew we only had a short time as we were on a single yellow. Naturally, as were in a rush, there was a delay with the check-in. We got our room keys, dropped off the bags and dashed back down to find that a pleasant woman of Eastern European origin has slapped a ticket on the van. £120 please. Or £60 for prompt payment...Welcome to London. Yeah cheers.

Anyway, four of us climbed back in and drove over to Queen Elizabeth barracks to park the vehicle. Once that was done it was "Right, well I'm a bit thirsty..." "Ah - well I know a good bar in Whitehall just around the corner..." Before another 10 minutes had elapsed we found ourselves in 'The Lord Moon on the Mall'. It did indeed seem to serve excellent beer. The Marstons Pedigree slipped down surprisingly easily quenching our raging thirst and lubricating our hitherto parched throats. Suddenly, we had each consumed four pints and we were the proud owners of silly grins and rosey glows. Marvellous.

We had an appointment to keep at the UJC and so wandered back across the footbridge and duly poured ourselves into the bar of the club where we met some more people as previously arranged. A pint of Theakstons ensured that I fought off any likelyhood of thirst. An hour later and four of us were on our way to Soho - I was keen to actually meet some Soho .orgers. The cab seemed to be having problems gettin anywhere near Frith and so dropped us off about half a mile away but fortunately my autopilot was engaged and we soon located Greek and Frith.

I saw some likely looking characters outside Nero's and said "Hi - SV650?" "Might be" was the reply. I looked at the one who had spoken and said "Ah - you must be Sid Squid". I think he grinned and I think he said 'might be' again. You may recall I was slightly inebriated at this time. Anyway, I had found the orgers so at this point I would like to tip my hat in the direction of Sid, Jester, TSM and at least two others whom I am having difficulty recalling - you know who you are. I thank you for putting up with my inane drivel for the half hour or so until the traffic man moved you all along. I recall quite enjoying the chat (I just can't remember a word I said!).

I then went in search of my mates who had moved along to 'the ship'. I asked a fellow drunk man where this was - he gave me directions and then asked me for cash. I declined with a grin, waved and toddled off. I went up one street, turned right, went across the Frith, turned right again back down and thought "boll oks - wish I wasn't so pi$$ed". I couldn't find the ship so I looked for my mobile instead which I found in one of my many pockets. I had received a text from my mate "We've gone to The Crown - upstairs". Hmmm I thought. So I asked a man where this was. Would you believe it if I told you that it was the same bloke as before? It was. He gave me directions again...and yes, he asked me for some money. Once again I thanked him for his kind assistance, smiled and declined his offer to fleece me of my hard earned wonga and staggered onwards.

I found The Crown. I went upstairs. I came down again. My mates weren't there. I replied but had difficulty due to inebriation. I texted "Weird are you?" Confound that predictive stuff! Anyway my mate suggested the Moon on the Water in Leicester Square as he knows that I know where that one is. I got to the Moon. I entered. Went to the back. Went to the gents. My mates were not visible. I called them on the dog & bone "Oh - we're just leaving The Imperial - be with you in a minute."

A minute passed. Followed by another. Ten minutes passed and then they arrived. We bought a round of something. Sadly this still failed to quench our raging thirst so another round was purchased. It then dawned on us that we were a trifle peckish so off we went in search of KFC. We found it - got food and ate it. I have to confess here that I am uncertain how we returned to the UJC but return we did as the following morning (Saturday) I awoke in my room, which was nice.

Suffice to say Saturday went well - I went to see Phantom which I thoroughly enjoyed. Sunday was the parade on Victoria embankment - my mum came to see that. I think there were about 400 or so people there - a pretty good turn out. I went to have lunch with my mum, saw the palace, some bloke stood on a large post with a tricorn hat on, and a few other key sights of interest. I ensurered that she got to Victoria station for her bus.

I then made all haste to The Punch & Judy in Covent Garden where some more buddies awaited my iminent arrival. Once there, we moved onto O'Neills which I have to say was superb and very hospitable (we were in uniform). Two pints, a bottle of wine and a G & T later (I don't know what the others had but it would have been similar) we decided to get into sensible clothes and so returned to the UJC.

Got changed.

Met at the Imperial. G & T. Waited for more people and then had another G & T before going to a 'comedy store' venue (not the big one but a smaller below the pub type place). I have to say a good time was had by all during that particular two hours or so I've live entertainment. Their G & T was also quite palatable. Their was five of us so we each bought a round but the army guy had to go one better and bought an additional round of Corona beer - which was nice. We didn't complain.

The show ended and as we were a touch thirsty again we nipped into O'Neills again for a couple of beers. And a glass of Port each. The two German girls who were sat at the bar seemed to be quite interested in our tales of derring do and the manufacturing processes of British beers and ales.

At eleven O'clock, the pub shut and we all headed home. For some reason I was now alone and so once I had obtained my Macdonalds quarter pounder and fries from the Charing Cross outlet, I made my way on foot back to the UJC.

Once across the footbridge, I proceeded into that slightly darkened area under the railway whereupon I was asked by a couple of people to call an ambulance as there friend had apparently had a fall and was losing some red stuff from the back of his noggin'. Bloody hell - thinks I - good job I'm not too pi$$ed!! I took charge of the situation - gave a running commentary to the person on the phone and awaited the arrival of the emergency services. Once the vehicle arrived, the two appropriately dressed females descended from the cab and I gave the a quick appraisal of the situation. I then bade them farewell and continued on to the UJC and bed.

That was it really.

Nothing much ever happens when I go to London.



Oh and sorry for the long post. I don't get out much you see so I have to make the most of it all - including relating the niff naff trivia.