How having a child affected me.

I don't want to derail another thread regarding Child Benefits, but I would like people to know how having a child has affected my wife and I.
In 2006 our household income ( after tax, etc ) was around £30,000 per year. We had a mortgage, a car, a bike and was able to go on holidays.
Just before my daughter was born we looked into how much childcare would cost and soon realised that it was impossible to cover it. We then checked if we could get help from the government. The answer to that was " your having a laugh aren't you! ".
So after some serious headaches trying to work out what we could do, we finally came up with a plan. Now it was not brilliant and it did cause us some worries, but at the time we had no option.
The plan was for me to come out of work, to sell the house as quickly as possible and for the wife to get back working and do overtime.
At the end 2007 ( I think ) we moved into a small 2 bedroom house ( renting ) and debt free. The wife was working and doing lots of overtime. She had also gotten a better payed job in O2.
In the mean time I was looking after our daughter and the only money I had to spend was the Child Benefit, which as many knows does not go far when you have a very young child. The Child Tax Credit was there to help with the bills ( which was about £80 a month ).
In 2008 things started to go pear shaped. The car broke down and was not worth getting fixed. The rent went up stupidly and a few other personal things happened. This meant that we ended up in debt.
In the 2009 we moved again, and this time we moved into a 3 bedroom house closer to the grandparents and was cheaper than the previous house. However at the end of that year I had to sell the bike, because we simply could not afford it and we had no money for christmas ( as in absolutely no money ).
2010 to present. After a brilliant christmas ( due to selling the bike ) I had some spare cash and ended up buying another bike. Since then it has been a struggle, but as long as my daughter gets what she needs and some extra things I don't mind. I may not be able to get out much, and I wish it was easy to get a job ( seriously struggling with that, even with the agencies ), but i'm happy.
At no point during this have I blamed the government or individuals that have scrounged off the government. My wife and I have made the decisions, no one else. Yes we would have loved to have some more help from the government, but C'est la vie.
For all those people that complain about what is going to happen with the Child Benefit, tough!


Ste.

I know the last few years have been really difficult for you Ste and I really admire the decision you and your wife made. I know it`s been hard for you financially and in honesty I don`t know how you`ve done it. I`m sure that a lot of marriages would have crumbled given the stress and worry you must have had to endure and I can only surmise that you and your wife have a fantastic and extremely strong bond.

Despite everything you`ve always got a smile on your face when I see you and i`ve never heard you complain. You and your daughter also have an extremely strong bond which i`m sure is due to the amount of time you`ve spent with her. You`ve had unlimited time with your daughter and you`ve been there for all her milestones and I`m sure that`s something that a lot of fathers would envy you for. Your daughter also seems exceptionally bright and that`s no doubt credit to you and the quality time you`ve spent together.

Of all the people I know you`re the one who deserves some good luck and I truly hope that financially your life improves and once your daughter starts school I hope the perfect job is out there for you x

[Luckypants]

Great post Ste, really puts into words how having a child alters your perspective on things. I know things have been tight for you guys, but not that tight.

I take my hat off to you and your missus.

Ste, i know exactly where your comming from.
last year we had our baby and my partner came out of work to do so (infact her preious job refused to renew the contract and terminated it early) less than a month after Logan weas born I was made redundant meaning that we had a family income of £0 for a couple of months my redundancy payout covered things but after that ran out things got difficult, luckily I got a temp job that lasted up till xmas so that helped and we managed to move into a new house but after xmas I was back out of work again meaning that we had to claim for all benefits that were available.
another 3 months go by and i finally got a more stable job (or at least as stable a job in connaught at the moment can be) working tax credits realised that we were owed a large back pay for last year and payed out £3000 ish and i used a bit of that to get my bike again (after 4 years without one). to be honest, the child benefit and tax credits provide the needed income to suplement my other half being a stay at home mum as that covers the weekly food etc but without it we'd be stuck totally.

I thought connaught just went bust.
Think im in for a cold carp around the chops come the birth of our first - expected in March.

[startrek.steve]

If you've got kids (Ive got two) you'll always be skint - Fact.
Steve

[widepants]

Sometimes things in life happen that we have no control over.This time 18 months ago I was earning good money(self employed) had a new car a van and a motorbike and 2 holidays a year.Then the wife decided that the 19 yr old down the road was a better bet....cue the land slide to my life.Cue £9000 ish in legal fees a tempory court order saying I have the kids for half the week (leaving of course 3 & half days left for work)Half the week therefore I lived in the marital home and the other half I rented a dodgy flat(all I could afford.)Because the wife had the kids from Monday at 6 pm untill Friday at 3 pm ,which is of course 4 nights she got all the benifits that were going ,including all my sons disability money, child benefit etc.
The court ordered a full investigation by cafcas and because she was by that time pregnant (choice of 3/4 fathers) she gets everything,home,furniture money and I get nothing.BUT ,although I lost everything else I did win one major thing.Joint custody for 3 nights a week until the kids are grown.
So to summerise it all up ,I have a dodgy flat with one chair one bed and 2 camp beds a portable tv and a second hand gifted fridge and oven.The only money I have is what I can earn in the remaining days ,which is difficult when my work telephone number is at my ex home.Two young ones in an upstairs flat,the older one ( being diabled.
She has home,house paid for,benifits (all of them thats going).
How can that be fair ,because although she has them for 4 nights against my 3 most of the time they are with her ,they are in school or bed.
One good thing has happen though...last week I was granted a council house on my sons medical grounds,which will probably start another row on here ,along the lines of "why didnt I rent a better place for him"
Simple....he is autistic and private renting ,where you can be asked to move at anytime ,is no good for a young one with quite severe learning diificulties and problems with his fine and gross motorskills.
Ok so we dont have much but we have each other.

wow!... what a bitch

hats off to you sir.

Originally Posted by widepants

Sometimes things in life happen that we have no control over.This time 18 months ago I was earning good money(self employed) had a new car a van and a motorbike and 2 holidays a year.Then the wife decided that the 19 yr old down the road was a better bet....cue the land slide to my life.Cue £9000 ish in legal fees a tempory court order saying I have the kids for half the week (leaving of course 3 & half days left for work)Half the week therefore I lived in the marital home and the other half I rented a dodgy flat(all I could afford.)Because the wife had the kids from Monday at 6 pm untill Friday at 3 pm ,which is of course 4 nights she got all the benifits that were going ,including all my sons disability money, child benefit etc.
The court ordered a full investigation by cafcas and because she was by that time pregnant (choice of 3/4 fathers) she gets everything,home,furniture money and I get nothing.BUT ,although I lost everything else I did win one major thing.Joint custody for 3 nights a week until the kids are grown.
So to summerise it all up ,I have a dodgy flat with one chair one bed and 2 camp beds a portable tv and a second hand gifted fridge and oven.The only money I have is what I can earn in the remaining days ,which is difficult when my work telephone number is at my ex home.Two young ones in an upstairs flat,the older one ( being diabled.
She has home,house paid for,benifits (all of them thats going).
How can that be fair ,because although she has them for 4 nights against my 3 most of the time they are with her ,they are in school or bed.
One good thing has happen though...last week I was granted a council house on my sons medical grounds,which will probably start another row on here ,along the lines of "why didnt I rent a better place for him"
Simple....he is autistic and private renting ,where you can be asked to move at anytime ,is no good for a young one with quite severe learning diificulties and problems with his fine and gross motorskills.
Ok so we dont have much but we have each other.

But in all the time i`ve known you and what`s been happening in your personal life you`ve never given up and that`s something to be proud of. A lot of fathers may have walked away from the responsiblity but not you.. you kept right at it fighting for better access, better custody, better house, better life!

I`m really happy for you right now... look at how far you`ve come in these last couple of years. You are getting your life back in order, you have joint custody together with a new home for the kids and a wonderful new girlfriend. I think you`ve done really well to turn your life around in such a short time and I wish nothing but the best for you and the kids.... you deserve it x

Good post.

No matter how hard things are now, you'll look back in a few years when things have got easier and this will confirm what you already know, i.e. that it was worth it.

There are thousands of childless couples who would swap the hardship for the joy of having a sprogg