Police Humour

Got an email at work today with the following, almost believed it for a min, had laugh though!

(see below)

NEW RULES ON FOOT PURSUITS
See the latest proposed rules set out by the home office on foot chases :

Following urgent consultation with ACPO as a result of the recent surge in foot chase incidents the Chief Constable will regretfully have to impose the new guidelines with immediate effect.
* Police officers will not pursue on foot unless they are a designated runner.
* Runners will be selected by the station sergeant and will undergo special training.
* Runners will be under 13.5 stone, athletic build, short hair and chiselled features. Low body fat, good looking, enthusiastic, competent with Sherlock Holmes detecting abilities and basically the puppies' privates.
* Officers, when called out, will attend the scene wearing police trainers with 'bells' on. A special running helmet with blue light, goggles, earmuffs and Lycra shorts with the current sponsors logo on front and rear of shorts.
* When pursuing on foot officers must keep to the pavement area and not force offenders to 'stop'. The pursuit must be aborted if; Pedestrian traffic is heavy, e.g. children coming to and from school; Old people waiting at a bus stop for an 'away day' to Bognor etc.
* Closing in on a potential offender, an officer will, when practicable, shout, "I am a police officer, I would like you to stop please. Would you like a doctor? Do you suffer from any mental illness? Have you injured yourself and do you require any free legal advice?"
* If offender stops comfort him or her, wrap them up in a silver blanket, supply them with an isotonic drink and check their feet for any signs of blisters. After a pursuit a runner's form will be completed, in triplicate, with the detainees signature and they will be informed that a detected pursuit has taken place.
* If he or she refuses to stop, do not engage in any physical restraint and allow them to continue their conduct.
Applications for suitably trained officers are invited, with the appropriate clothing issue form completed for the indent of shorts, lunchboxes (where appropriate) etc.

[Nicky S]

lol now that would be funny to see

HA HA. Not bad at all

thats right up there with the ambulance response rickshaw, or the skateboard reponse for trafalgar square...

both appeared in the inhouse rag at the beginning of april

but,

knowing the plod......its a proper document you have there VT. lol

[gruntygiggles]

Haha, that's fab. x

Classic!

I have a brilliant one on 'tea making for probationers' along with the relevent competencies that can be signed off and health and safety compliance! lol !
Must dig it out!

The greatest part of getting confirmed is not having to make the tea all the time!

VT if you find it , can i have a copy? my current tea bi*ch needs a check list..

Originally Posted by Rorshach

thats right up there with the ambulance response rickshaw,

Don't knock the ambulance rickshaw - Brother turned up at A&E with a very broked leg in one. (Rider had to steal a wheel chair to get him in the building too - what a service )