To doggy, or not to doggy

[Fallout]

Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was chatting about sexual positions. Actually, I want to pick the collective brain of org goodness about dogs ...

Me and the Mrs want to get one. She is the impulsive one in our relationship saying yes, and I am the boring logical thinker dithering about whether we should or not.

Basically the thinking is, we both grew up with dogs in our families, so we both know what they entail. i.e. Food costs, walks every day for the rest of their lives, potentially expensive vets bills, having to organise someone to look after them when you want to go on holiday, picking up crap from your back garden, chasing after them as they run after a rabbit onto a main road, farts that make your lungs bleed and your eyes water, and of course unconditional love, company and endless entertainment.

The benefits are especially good for me, cos as someone who works from home, the only company I have is the odd phone call, Judge Judy at midday and a stuffed penguin called Goo Goo. There is also a little one called Nano, but we rarely talk. A dog would be here with me all day, so he'd have company, I'd have company, and I'm perfectly placed to feed him and take him out for his strolls.

We've done all the research into breeds. Carley had some mungrel when she was a kid, and my family has always had dalmatians. We're after a lab, because they seem to be the most placid, while also being intelligent (so I can train him to juggle and stuff). But being my usual self I'm thinking, what if I have to start working away from home, or what if me and the mrs split up (god forbid), or what if we want to move abroad (which we possibly will in the future), and do I really want to commit to driving to a forest and walking, rain or shine, for the next 14 years of my life?! (We only have a passat saloon too)

The other problem I have, is when I was about 14 I have a strong memory of the dog I grew up with slowly dying. I remember hold his head and stroking it as the vet injected him in our home, killing him, and then he shat his load all over some newspaper we'd got him to lie down on as he died. So dignified! Being the thinker I am, I have always thought: do we put animals down for their benefit, or ours? If you were struggling to walk and life was a bit miserable, would you want someone else to make the decision to kill you? That experience was so traumatic as a kid that, when my parents second dog was getting close to being put down, I stayed away from home for 2 months (I was at uni at the time). I distanced myself from her, and severed the attachment so that I didn't have to deal with her being put down. Pretty sad really, since I was her favourite in the family.

So you see my dilemma. I love dogs. It would be awesome to have some company at home during the working day. I'd give the dog a great life. But I can't decide if that benefit is worth all the inconvenience with walks/holidays/where you can live etc. and watching them slowly die in the last year of their lives, before making that decision to have them put down. With this dog being mine this time, and spending it's whole life by my side, I'd imagine it'd be a really heavy blow.

So there ya go. Another example of my over thinking. What do you guys reckon? Should I do it doggy style?

[timwilky]

When we got Jasper, it was only because I worked from home. I had always said it was unfair to leave a dog all day. After 5 year the company said you have to go office based. Thank god he was no longer a pup so no damage. We leave the radio on for him radio 4 just so he hears voices. But the neighbours have said he occasionally barks for no good reason.

Benefits are that you have to get that daily exercise. I know early mornings in the dark wet winters are not fun. You then have the issue of a wet stinking muddy dog in your home when you get back.

Holidays are a nightmare. We put Jasper into kennels once. He lost his bark for a month when we came back, The vet said he had strained himself. So now someone needs to stay at home with him.

Jealousy is terrible. If I kiss the wife he starts growling at her. He tries to get between us. Trouble is the daughter who now lives away has ruined him. She allowed him to sleep on her bed. He now thinks he can sleep on ours. All our previous dogs knew not to go upstairs.

I reckon it's an interim urge that your both feeling prior to wanting kids. We got a dog before we had kids, it died, then we had kids.

We got two dogs now and I wouldn't get rid of my dogs but I have to say they are a right royal pain in the ass.

Messy, hairy and need a lot of cleaning. Great fun when you take them out for runs in the woods etc but aggro when they are indoors and not had enough excercise. Actually a bit like the kids.

[pookie]

I think she wants a baby / commitment

I dont have pets but on the flipside are owers prolonging the existance of their pets when nature would have seen them off long ago.

[Fallout]

See, I was expecting you guys to be saying "DOOOOOOOOOOO IT!! DO IT". Instead you're doing a good job at reaffirming my doubts. I would train the dog ruthlessly though, so I don't expect any behavioural problems. Literally, the dog would live by a set of prison rules that were so strictly followed, it would be wiping it's own backside and saluting me whenever I walk past. I think that leads to a happier life for dog and owner.

You could be right about the kids though though Mr Idle/pookie. There is a strong possibility we'll have trouble having kids though. This may be a distraction in a way, or a temporarily replacement in the interim, so if we do start trying, we have something else. I don't know if that's healthy or not.

Your logic for having one makes enough sense, and your concerns about the dogs welbieng show you're taking it seriously enough and would be a good responsible owner.

Your main reason for not wanting one seems to be your worried about the hurt of loosing it. Well to be blunt welcome to being an adult. I worry and dread the thought of loosing our dog, the wife and my son. but would I ever give those things up for a life of less worry... not a chance. Dont deny your self the joys of having the dog all because your scared of one day mourning it.

+1 to tim: Make sure you've got a family member who would happily take the dog for a week if you ever intend on going away it makes things much easier.

[Fallout]

You're probably right Owen. Commitment is a pain, but losing the dog is probably my main issue. My parents are about 45 mins away and would take the dog for a week, so we do have that covered. It's all doable. It just helps to hear everyone's thoughts. Also there's the little matter of the £300-£500 it costs for a mutt and the month delay that'll impose on the trail bike I wanted to buy! Not that I'm selfish or anything!

... I guess I could make excuses all day. Maybe we should just do it.

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by Fallout

Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was chatting about sexual positions. Actually, I want to pick the collective brain of org goodness about dogs ...

Me and the Mrs want to get one. She is the impulsive one in our relationship saying yes, and I am the boring logical thinker dithering about whether we should or not.

Basically the thinking is, we both grew up with dogs in our families, so we both know what they entail. i.e. Food costs, walks every day for the rest of their lives, potentially expensive vets bills, having to organise someone to look after them when you want to go on holiday, picking up crap from your back garden, chasing after them as they run after a rabbit onto a main road, farts that make your lungs bleed and your eyes water, and of course unconditional love, company and endless entertainment.

The benefits are especially good for me, cos as someone who works from home, the only company I have is the odd phone call, Judge Judy at midday and a stuffed penguin called Goo Goo. There is also a little one called Nano, but we rarely talk. A dog would be here with me all day, so he'd have company, I'd have company, and I'm perfectly placed to feed him and take him out for his strolls.

We've done all the research into breeds. Carley had some mungrel when she was a kid, and my family has always had dalmatians. We're after a lab, because they seem to be the most placid, while also being intelligent (so I can train him to juggle and stuff). But being my usual self I'm thinking, what if I have to start working away from home, or what if me and the mrs split up (god forbid), or what if we want to move abroad (which we possibly will in the future), and do I really want to commit to driving to a forest and walking, rain or shine, for the next 14 years of my life?! (We only have a passat saloon too)

The other problem I have, is when I was about 14 I have a strong memory of the dog I grew up with slowly dying. I remember hold his head and stroking it as the vet injected him in our home, killing him, and then he shat his load all over some newspaper we'd got him to lie down on as he died. So dignified! Being the thinker I am, I have always thought: do we put animals down for their benefit, or ours? If you were struggling to walk and life was a bit miserable, would you want someone else to make the decision to kill you? That experience was so traumatic as a kid that, when my parents second dog was getting close to being put down, I stayed away from home for 2 months (I was at uni at the time). I distanced myself from her, and severed the attachment so that I didn't have to deal with her being put down. Pretty sad really, since I was her favourite in the family.

So you see my dilemma. I love dogs. It would be awesome to have some company at home during the working day. I'd give the dog a great life. But I can't decide if that benefit is worth all the inconvenience with walks/holidays/where you can live etc. and watching them slowly die in the last year of their lives, before making that decision to have them put down. With this dog being mine this time, and spending it's whole life by my side, I'd imagine it'd be a really heavy blow.

So there ya go. Another example of my over thinking. What do you guys reckon? Should I do it doggy style?

Well, anyone on here that has been in the company of me and my Stig will tell you that we have an incredibly strong bond...he is everything to me in fact and was there with cuddles for me through some of the worst periods in my life as I have been for him through many operations. The thought of him not being around one day is unbearable, but it did not stop me getting a rescue dog and then, with Dan, getting two more.

Of course it is devastating to lose a dog. They are not human, but they are family members and it is a real loss that requires a proper grieving process. The way I think of it though is that while of course their lives will end one day, we are in a wonderful position to make their lives amazing while they are with us. We don't live our lives thinking about our own deaths all of the time, so don't think about that with dogs either.

In terms of putting them to sleep being for our benefit or theirs, I find that a simple one to answer. It is not kind to keep an animal alive when it is in pain/has no quality of life. It is kind to bring that misery to an end. It is awful, but it is the kindest thing to do when the alternative is an existence with pain/incontinence/no quality of life.

It sounds like you have the perfect set up to get a dog. Why not go look at some rescue centres and rehome a dog that desperately needs it?

As for the day to day, poo picking is no big deal, holidays are easy...use kennels, our dogs LOVE going to the kennels, but if you don't like that idea, there are always family/friends that will take them when you are away.
As for moving abroad, dogs can be passported now making the whole process very straightforward and uncomplicated so I don't see that being an issue.

It is always good to think things through, but don't talk yourself out of it for the sake of it.

Not being funny, but I think having pets as a child and losing them is a great lesson for children in life and death. I was unfortunate that we lost family members before we lost our first dog, but you know what...it put it into perspective. Life is with us sometimes for far too short a time...but we can't live our lives denying ourselves the pleasure of the company of others for fear of the hurt that will come when they pass along. Instead, we have to put our efforts into loving and enjoying those we share our lives with when they are here and having no regrets when that awful time comes.

[Fallout]

Thanks Gigs. That got me thinking more positively about it.

The only reason why I am reluctant to rehome a rescue dog is because I've seen what a dog can become if you bring it up from a pup. Dogs are the same as humans; we're all a product of our experiences. One of the dogs I grew up with had an amazing personality, and that was down to how we played with her as a kids. She would steal things and hide them, because I used to find it hilarious to encourage her to pick up my parents stuff and leg it. There is nothing as annoying as a dalmatian that takes the TV remote control and puts it behind the sofa, then comes to look at you with that "Guess what I've just done?" look. The only saving grace was, whenever I got close to the place she'd hidden something, she'd run to get it before me so I could nab it off her.

With a rescue dog, I think it's luck of the draw. You may get one with an awesome temperament, you may get one with some repressed issues, and you may just get a personalityless average boring mutt. My parents have rescued three dogs. One was probably beaten, and was very shy for most of it's life. One was a goodun. One had "Runt of many dogs" syndrome, and was single minded about food and nothing else, to the extend that he never really developed a personality, because begging was all he knew. The dog with the best personality was the puppy we bought and raised.

So I think rescuing dogs is a great thing to do, and perhaps if we got another one later in life, we'd rescue it. I'd just rather raise my old mate from a pup. It's kind of like a new project for me too, I suppose. I think I can do a good job at training it to be very obedient, but also have a lot of fun. I think part of the appeal. A new best mate and a new challenge.