The dog rules.

1) The dustbin men not stealing our stuff.

2) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3) I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5) I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

6) I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7) I will not throw up in the car.

8.) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

9) "Kitty box crunchies" although they are tasty, are not food.

10) I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the garden after processing.

11) The nappy pail is not a cookie jar.

12) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell.

13) I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14) When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15) We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16) I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

17) The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum and dad's laps.

1 My head does not belong in the fridge.

19) I will not bite the constable's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license.

20) I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21) I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my bum.

22) I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.

23) Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way to say hello.

24) I will not hump a person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.

25) I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26) I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bum across the carpet.

27) The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

2 I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

29) The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

I think my dog's rules go something like this:

• Despite what anyone else thinks, I rule.
  When my pet human's arms are crossed and she's regarding me with a stern look and tone of voice, I will drop my ears, look up guiltily and proceed to get away with whatever it was.
  The end of the bed is mine, and if I don't want the duvet on there, it goes.
  You get up when I say so.
  You may go back to bed after feeding me and opening the back door...
  ... and I am allowed to then charge back in and jump on the bed - whatever the weather.
  Your nose and toes are simply there for me to lick.
  Your knee is my pillow.
  I am allowed to remind you about my dinner three hours in advance - you're human, you may forget.
  Big red bags mean Pizza.
  I am allowed to growl at the Pizza Delivery Boy - he is stupid and give it to the human.
  The Postman likewise deserves my wrath as he has a big red bag and no pizza.
  Thou shalt no tell cats I can actually climb the apple tree in the garden - I like to surprise them.
  Anything without wings should not occupy my airspace - that includes Hot Air Ballons and the Moon when it dares to show it's face during the day!
  My human's knickers are my 'Special Treat' to myself.
  If you leave socks around I am allowed to move them randomly around the house.
  It's my vomit and I'm not sharing it with you.
  You will, regardless of what state you are in, (tired, loaded with shopping, it doesn't matter) drop everything to tickle me when you get in. I am excited, you should make the effort to be too.
  It is something to get excited about when you go out for two minutes to empty the bin and then come back in again.
  If you go to the chip shop - the first chip IS mine.
  I will acknowledge your requests to return, sit or lay down when I want to.
  All sticks are mine.
  If I buried it - it stays there OK?!
  My name is not "Come-here-you-deaf-old-mutt".
  I will leave what I'm sniffing alone when I'm good and ready.
  I will do anything for food.
  My pet human will know her place.

ROFL

dogs are totaly ace

FACT