Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

Readers were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition.

(apologies if this has been posted before)


1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a$$*%le.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one received extra
credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan, in the form of a mosquito, that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm
in the fruit you're eating.

The "Washington Post" has also published the winning submissions to
its annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight
one has gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): Tto attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n): Olive flavored mouthwash .

9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who
has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.): A humorous exam question.

12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul
flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by Jewish men.

Hilarious!