Is my battery dead or are gremlins at work?

Took the bike out of the garage on Monday after two weeks away. Podge the starter and nothing happened. Put the battery on charge over night and tried again. This time there was a clicking sound from the bike (starter relay?). Tried the horn and it sounded like a wet fart and when i switched on the headlights the neutral light faded away. Is my battery needing replacing or could it be somethnig more sinister? Help!!!!!!!!!!

Did you feed the little beggars after midnight?

I think battery is goosed.

No, but there was crumbs all over the garage floor, hmmmm........

How old is the battery? They don't last long compared to car a battery. Depending on the state of the battery and your charger, overnight might not be long enough. Give it another 24 hours and try again, if it doesn't work, then you probably need to replace it, or try a better charger.

It could also be you charging circuit is goosed, and is not replacing the electrical energy used to start the bike when your on the move...or it could be an alarm or some other device draining the battery when it's sitting in the garage.

As a general rule of thumb you should get a reading of roughly 14 Volts across the battery when the bike is running. You can also expect to see a the voltage fluctuate a wee bit when you rev the bike, but anything over 14.5 or 15 volts you could have a dodgy regulator. Anything under 13 and your battery won't be getting charged properly.

Good luck!

Battery's only a year old but it's not been used much!

Do you have an alarm fitted?
Have you done any work on the bike lately?
Have you fitted or replaced any electrical components recently - Heated grips, indicators, anything?

Do you normally leave the bike for this length of time without any problems?

A year old battery with light use should still be good.
It's one of the following -

-A cheap and nasty battery that is actually buggered.

-Battery not being charged properly by the bike. (You need to run the bike for a decent time to replace the energy taken from the battery to start the bike...Say 20-30 minutes, maybe more. If you only do short 10 minute journeys it won't take long before you have trouble starting the bike.

-Something is draining the battery.