And pillock of the week award goes to....

ME!

Well i can't be held entirely responsible for this, but here goes.

Couple of weeks ago i was due to go out to Turkey with work, so it was up at 2am, drive to Heathrow for a 6am flight with Turkish airlines, now being a morning flight it was a delicious breakfast the trolly dolly served me up, turkey rashers made to look and taste like bacon, scrambled egg, fried tom's...yummy
As i was starving i could've eaten anything, but on the smell inspection the turkey thingys smelt a bit rancid but i thought sod it, once more into the breach dear friends.
As The flight progressed, my flatulence got worse, in fact it got to the point that i was looking behind me trying to blame some poor other fella, in the end i had to pretend i was asleep to divert attention away from myself.

Next was the taxi ride of death through the streets of Istanbul, not good having a twitchy **** taxi ride when my stomach was in such a delicate state.
Next an hours ferry crossing, then a 2 hour drive to the hotel.
I dropped my luggage off in my room and proceeded to the bar to partake in an alcoholic beverage thinking it might settle my stomach.

Barman: "Hello Mr Rob, How are you, very nice to be seeing you again, bottle of becks?" (i have been there a few times so i became a local)
Mr Rob: "Hello Olzay,Yes please and can i have a club sandwich with french fries to go with it also"
Drink arrives, food arrives, i took one sip of beer a bite of sandwich and thought...oh oh, this doesn't feel too special.
So it was a sprint back to my room, got to the loo and all hell let loose, sounded like a flock of pigeons taking off
This was the scene for the rest of the evening, i was due to be picked up at 8am by one of our turkish clients, so i meet him in the hotel lobby...

Mustafa: "Hello Mr Rob, you are not looking too good today"
Me: "Mr Rob doesn't feel too good today, can you take me to a chemist/pharmacist please?"
I try to explain my predicament the best i can by international sign language but it fell on deaf ears.
We arrived at the chemist, much jibber jabber being spoke, i was then asked to write in english what medicine i require.. I M O D I U M
Bemused looks on turkish chemist face, back again to international sign language, he reaches to his magic potions n lotions, gives me a box of tablets and signals to take 3 a day...result...happy days i thought, wrong was bad for the rest of the week....i flew back on the saturday still with a case of attilla the huns, and all the following week at work i was the same, 10 days of crapping through the eye of a needle, i was now having a sense of humour failure,couldn't get into see my Dr, my poor ar$e looked like a japanese flag , i'd lost over half a stone and i was due to be going out with my mates on the saturday night...i was dreading it, didnt want to go out in case i done something childish in my pants
So i bit the bullet, went to boots got loads of dirolite and proper immodium and fired it down my neck, after that i was right as rain, even after a day on the beer and a visit to the curry house.

It was then i got thinking about the medicine i had been taking, a quick search on google and yep, you guessed it the bar stewards had given me.....




Laxatives, no bloody wonder i couldn't keep anything in

This public information service was bought to you by turkish airlines, immodium and an idiot abroard who really shouldn't trust sign language.

[Wideboy]

BAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Were you still taking them when back in the UK then?

thanx for that

[DarrenSV650S]

Thanks for a good laugh
Oh and glad your feeling better!

Originally Posted by SV225

Were you still taking them when back in the UK then?

Yup.

[Wideboy]

OMG! bet it was egg on the face when the google results came up

[tinpants]

PMSL!! And I thought it was just me that did stupid things like this??!!!

LOL

All I can say is .

Still, look on the positive side:

a) People pay a fortune to lose weight that quick, and
b) your insides have been flushed out better than any colonic irrigation could ever do