had some v shocking news-support needed

[timwilky]

Yes, I understand. But it does happen, as I said my own daughter was caught having sex with an 18 year old at that age. in all cases both parties are wrong. Both the boy/girl know they should not. But they do.

When I was a kid, we were shocked when two local girls (12&13) got pregnant. to a group of men who worked in a local garage. That was child abuse in accepted term. They had abused the girls innocence/trust for their own ends. However, in your cousins case did she simply give into the "If you love me you would", I doubt she was forced, overly cajoled etc. She probably made a very silly choice.

We can encourage kids to be open. But are they going to tell us they are sexually active or even thinking about it, if they know you are going to do your nut, tell them to stop etc. You cannot make the choice for them. All you can do is give them the facts, the legal, physical, emotional information they need. And support them with their choice.

Termination is not a good idea at this stage. Adoption as pointed out is perhaps the ideal solution. Maybe it would be possible for the girl with support to even raise her own child. Whatever happens. it would be locking the stable door after the horse has bolted. You cannot turn back the clock. You and your family now need to support your cousin though the next few months. It is her and the fathers (Assuming he sticks around) with guidance to decide the childs future. It will be hard work for all those involved.

You have my sympathy, it is a shock, you feel the trust that you had has been misplaced. You probably feel that she has thrown her life away at such a young age. Positives can come out of it, but rarely.

[neio79]

Trouble is tim he KNOWS exactly how old she is as he goes school with her (hes in 6th form), its NOT "normal" for a 18 year old lad to be intrested in a 13 year old child-,


you are right that is not normal at all, at 18 he must be upper 6th and she must be first year. I am surprised the stick he got for going out with a girl that young from his mates did not make him think twice??

Which makes it even worse as it is obviously something he really wanted to do. :confused:

Its bizar effectivlye there is only a 5yr gap betwen them but at that age its so much bigger than just the age.Its the mental development etc.

If i had a 19yr old wanting me thatsa 10 yr gap, but socially that would be fine as she is an adult as well, and you wouldent hear me complaining either if a hot young 19yr old was chasing me LOL ;)

[Al_Sweetman]

Trouble is tim he KNOWS exactly how old she is as he goes school with her (hes in 6th form), its NOT "normal" for a 18 year old lad to be intrested in a 13 year old child-esp as he had more than enough girls intrested in him at the school etc and thats whats causing the damage.
Neither of them appear sorry and neither of them seem to cause realise the damage and heartache its causing the family-which is the part thats making so angry.
My cosuin has always been encoraged to be open with any of us (her mum, me or my mum) and she kept denying that were doing anything and that she wasnt that stupid etc,

Blimey Paws, tis a bit of a situation! Good luck whatever happens, it's going to be a tough few months......

At the risk of asking a worse question at a bad time, what's to say that she's not going to go and do it again in 6 months or so if she doesn't alter, or is helped to alter, her attitude?

I only speak from experience - going to what was a fairly rough school, one of my friends had a kid at 16 - that was fine, but then her 12 year old sister fell pregnant to a 14yr old boy - mother forced her to terminate, she took the opinion "what the **** it's my body......." yadyadayada and a year later she had her first - she's now got 3, no father on the birth certificate (cuts down on the amount of benefits she can claim!!) and getting drunk every other night, leaving the kid with her mum like a cast-off toy she's got bored with...

Not saying your cousin resembles anything like my friends sister, but unless she's helped to change her attitude now what'll it be like later?

[yorkie_chris]

stuff

F###ing hell!

I almost agree with timwilky!

[$tevo]

The man who seduced your cousin deserves a world of sh!t Paws. I hope he gets it. I hope she gets the best advice possible and I hope, personally that it doesn't end in the innocent baby being terminated. I can't condemn if that's the outcome, I just think that adoption and hopefully, eventual reconcillation at some point in the future between mother and baby is better than the headf**k that is abortion. I thank God that we're not in an age where pregnant single mothers see no option but to take their own lives as happened to a friend of my mum's. It's a complete mess but you've all got to be strong and wise enough to find the right way out of it. You've got my very best wishes Paws

[Paws]

well update:

she went to clinic today and....


she near enough 6 months gone, so is going to have to have it!

[tanis34]

oh well are they still going to adopt or keep it ? and how are you feeling now X

[Paws]

pass and i honestly now couldnt care less, shes got herself in the mess-shecan deal with it, its her 14th bday on 29th-needless to say its now a non event

[tanis34]

enough said , just glad your feeing better as it was shocking news at first ;) oh well time to take the dogs out and get a bath take . care talk to you again soon:D

[lily]

is she surprised at what has happened? or upset?

It just seems that the view of young girls have really changed since i was 13.... and that is only 9 years ago!!!!

And i can't understand this bloke if he knew your cousins age why an 18 year old would go out with a 13 year old (no offence to your cousin).

I mean when i was 13 drew was 19 and if he knew me then i know he would never of come near me as i was a kid.... not an adult old enough to make decisions of if i want a physical realationship with a man! cause that what he is!!!

I know it was consensual but will any action be taken against him?!

sorry if i've repeated what has already been said!!!

[Paws]

nope she doesnt seem suprised/upset or even bothered-hence why im no longer caring.
no action is gonna be taken against him.

[gettin2dizzy]

:scratch:

[lily]

no action is gonna be taken against him.

that's just wrong..... can i come and take action against him?! :smt068

[hovis]

no action is gonna be taken against him.

who is it up to?

surley the police would have somthing to say about it?

there is no denieing the fact he is a peadophile:confused:

[neio79]

nothing a knitting needle and a hoover would sort out [-(






:scratch:


Probably a bit late for that me thinks.

[Drew Carey]

I feel really sorry for you Laura, not a nice thing to have a family member go through. Must admit, my view is that he should be strung up by the short and curlies.....but ho hum. I just think kids these days seem to not really care. When I was young we were as mischevious as kids are today......

but one thing I was taught from a very young age is be careful!!!!!!:safe:

[Ed]

Topical that our elected representatives were discussing abortion laws yesterday.

I can't pretend to support abortion, in fact I think it's hideous, the worst possible outcome, but I recognise that it is appropriate in some cases.

Whatever, abortion should not be used as contraception. But that's another debate.

For now I hope that your cousin can see the enormity of what is about to happen and that whether she likes it or not she is going to have to make some very hard decisions.

[yorkie_chris]

My mother used to work on special care baby unit in halifax, and she's delivered babies at not much later stages than the one in question.

Talk of knitting needles and hoovers, even in jest, is one thing that turns my stomach. I think it's fkin sick.

[Speedy Claire]

+ 1 extremely bad taste and an extremely ignorant and unnecessary comment.

[shonadoll]

My mother used to work on special care baby unit in halifax, and she's delivered babies at not much later stages than the one in question.

Talk of knitting needles and hoovers, even in jest, is one thing that turns my stomach. I think it's fkin sick.

I agree.

[gettin2dizzy]

+ 1 extremely bad taste and an extremely ignorant and unnecessary comment.
Yup.


But prosecuting him?! I (unaware of the details of this situation) would be hesitant to launch in to attacks about whether he should be prosecuted or not. I've met 13 year olds who look and act like 18 year olds and 16 years olds who look and act like 12 year olds. Whilst not a wise desicion; it's evident that this was a consensual relationship, and as such it's going to be of more benefit both emotionally and practically for the father to be there to support her.

In my office there is a lady who got pregnant at 15 and could have prosecuted the father likewise. 25 years of marriage down the line, she has a good job, two more wonderful daughters and perhaps the most secure relationship I have ever seen to this "paedophile" of a husband.

Yes I posted a tasteless comment, but of course I don't believe it's a solution, just scroll down, read on, choose to ignore it if you wish. However automatically assume male responsibility and to post comments regarding a supposed uncontrollable 'prey' mentality that males possess is both ignorant and unnecessary.

(not picking on you SC, I've just got 10 hours of work to go ;))