View Full Version : had some v shocking news-support needed
*edited as ive now had time to calm down and let some of the shock wear off, im still mad at her though*
and its more of a rant/letting how i feel off my chest now than support thats needed now!
My 13 year old cousin is pregnant....at least 5 months gone..
I could kill her and her sodding 16 year old boyfriend, and yes i also place some of the blame on my Aunt (her mum)!!
I mean ffs shes 13 and has a 16yr old boyfriend (who has now turned out to be 18)!!!!! i SAID this would happen and sadly have proved right.
I feel sick, ffs shes just a kid herself :(
i really dont know what to think or say, the shocks wearing off now, but its her attitude of "oh it'll be alright" thats worrying me!
it might be the making of her. There are quite a lot of kids at my daughters school pregnant. they either turn their lives around and become good wee mums or they go on to have another 4 kids before they are legal. hard sign of the times.
As kitkat said, sign of the times.
Prepare yourself for the family battles when the kid turns around & says she can't possibly give the baby away after it's been seen.
... ive said i want nothing to do with her...
You are looking for support yet turn your back on her? She's still family. :smt084
tanis34
16-05-08, 09:47 PM
i know a couple of young mums on my window round , they had a hard time coming to terms with being mums but unfortunately its becoming more common these days , there is a lot of stress for everyone and its easy to blame but not so easy to forgive and help , i think everyone's got to support each other at these times hope things work out over time mate
What do you want us to do?
How old is her your cousins mum? these things usually folow a trend, it's a sad factor of life. THey think it's ok do be having a sexual relationship cos the parents have done it.
No point in turning your back on her, she thinks she's grown up but you gotta remember shes a kid, she'll need as much support as possible not berating her for her wrong doings, yes it was against the law for what the boyfriend done, but i'm afraid to say it's the old addage "it takes 2 to tango"
Hope it all works out for them.
missyburd
16-05-08, 10:27 PM
Not exactly an ideal situation but it's happened and as you say not a lot can be done. Just think of how scared she will be, this is no doubt an extremely shocking bit of news for her.....she's still a child and to have another one growing inside you well, I know I'd feel fked up.
In no way I'm condoning it of course and I'm not saying she should get sympathy, I'm sure the pair of them knew exactly what they were doing...but it needs to be dealt with with care, she'll be feeling very vulnerable and needs all the support she can get. If you are close (or were) then she'll be feeling even more let down. A few more months down the line when she's ready to have the baby she's gonna want as much help and love to get her through it.
What a shock... don't turn your back. Please. She will need a lot of support through this, and you not speaking won't help her. Can't change anything now, so make the best of it and hope she learns.
If baby is adopted - then that is a very brave decision, not easy at all, and I respect her for that. I hope that that is a decision of her own making, and that she hasn't been pressurised into it. It would make a family somewhere very very happy, but is it really what your cousin wants? Please talk to her, I bet that she's as shocked as you are, and feels lonely and confused. Yelling at her or ignoring her isn't going to help.
update-
shes acting like NOTHING is wrong!!!!!!!!! seriously, shes just like "yer well"..wtf???????
her mum had her in her late twenties so its not following a trend.
i just cant understand how shes reacting?? apparently shes more worried about what im going to do/say to her then what is actually going on!
shes been well bought up, does great at school, i just dont get it!
You are looking for support yet turn your back on her? She's still family. :smt084
maybe not support then, more advice/rant/let the shock out, we just cant get over her "i coukdnt care less attitude" about it all.
oh and shes 20 weeks gone, yet her doc says its too far to be able to do anything bout it
magicrat
16-05-08, 11:12 PM
As Kitkat says, it could be the making of her. My sister fell pregnant when she was 17. She was a total chav at the time. Now she is the role model of a good parent. Just goes to show:you never know.
Admittedly there was a lot of strain on our family at the time - that was 9 years ago. and theers also a lot of difference between a 17 and 13 year old.
But i'm sure at the end opf the day theres no-one more dissapointed about whats happened than herself. Its gonna be hard, but support is what she needs. "I told you so" sentiments are not gonna help anyone.
Hope it all works out.
.
But i'm sure at the end opf the day theres no-one more dissapointed about whats happened than herself. Its gonna be hard, but support is what she needs. "I told you so" sentiments are not gonna help anyone.
Hope it all works out.
thats the scary thing though, shes acting like its noooo big deal at all??? i just dont get it at all tbh
magicrat
16-05-08, 11:17 PM
she may be acting like that now, but at some point reality will kick in. It could well be just a show of bravado.
she may be acting like that now, but at some point reality will kick in. It could well be just a show of bravado.
hmmm i dunno, i know what shes like, she doesnt seem to live on this plane at times-its almost like she thinks that if she shuts her eyes and doesnt think about it that it will all go away and it all never happened?
ThEGr33k
16-05-08, 11:27 PM
WOWOWOWOWOWOWzors.
Surly the lad is going to get screwed for this? man thats so against the law no?
missyburd
16-05-08, 11:29 PM
hmmm i dunno, i know what shes like, she doesnt seem to live on this plane at times-its almost like she thinks that if she shuts her eyes and doesnt think about it that it will all go away and it all never happened?
Typical kid reaction I guess, if they don't go and lock themselves in a room and ignore everyone, they just deny all knowledge almost and as you say act like nothing is happening. How soon did she find out she was pregnant just out of interest?
dunno mate, as said above-takes 2 to tango.
have values changed so much in just 10 years that kids think its ok to have babies when they are only kids themselves?
i know at her age i was certainly more intrested in horses etc than boys!
Typical kid reaction I guess, if they don't go and lock themselves in a room and ignore everyone, they just deny all knowledge almost and as you say act like nothing is happening. How soon did she find out she was pregnant just out of interest?
by the sound of it shes known awhile, she confided in a school friend who plucked up the courage to talk to a teacher about it when she realished my cousin wasnt going to say anything and the teacher rang my aunt.
ThEGr33k
16-05-08, 11:32 PM
have values changed so much in just 10 years that kids think its ok to have babies when they are only kids themselves?
i know at her age i was certainly more intrested in horses etc than boys!
Indeed. Ive only recently grown up... Ok so I havn't :rolleyes:
missyburd
16-05-08, 11:37 PM
by the sound of it shes known awhile, she confided in a school friend who plucked up the courage to talk to a teacher about it when she realished my cousin wasnt going to say anything and the teacher rang my aunt.
Oh dear :( Well she may be cocky now, but that will soon change.
She's gonna need some support at least, I can't imagine it would be an easy birth seeing as her body can't be fully developed for dealing with the pressures of pregnancy :? not to mention all the :smt078
And you've got a point about the boys thing, I was up in my room doing homework and reading books at that age lol! Time do change it would seem :rolleyes:
i think im calming down now, i still wanna strangle the pair of them though, im just so dissapointed,angry and v sad-as alot of you can imagine, everyone thinks im the wild child out the 2 of us as i have tattoos/ride a bike etc!
I think I can understand where you're coming from, Paws. Yes, it might be 'a sign of the times', but that doesn't make it either right or acceptable. These children....because that's what they are really............shouldn't be facing chidbirth and motherhood at such a young age. Sadly, it now seems as if it's the norm for younger and younger girls to become pregnant, and I really don't think there's any way to reverse the trend.
My daughter was 13 when she said the words every parent fears.....'Mum, I've got something I need to tell you'. When she then said 'I'm gay' my reaction was, 'Thank God for that, I thought you were going to say you were pregnant'
Shellywoozle
17-05-08, 09:21 AM
Awww big hugs Laura, can tell by your post ya horrified.
But she has one of two choices and they both need to be put to her on a rational calm basis, neither one being pushed towards her more than the other. Treat her like an adult although she is a kid she will be more thankful of it, leave her and let her make her mind up.
Then whatever she decides you can ony support her and make like that bit easier ..... you have my number if you need to chat chick.
Sure if you need some professional numbers I can dig some advice lines out from my jobs point of view.
Here for you !!!! xx
Inform the police & they'll get the boyfriend put on the sex offenders' register for being a goddammed paedophile.
She's 13, FFS!
Inform the police & they'll get the boyfriend put on the sex offenders' register for being a goddammed paedophile.
She's 13, FFS!
yeah and he is a 16 year old boy. Im sure she was a willing participant. she is probably more mature than he. he should not be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life over something like this. if he was 26 then yeah but not at 16.
she is probably putting on a front as everyone is coming down on her. if she had some support she may open up and admit that she was made a mistake. she is not going toadmit that with everyone coming down on her. more likely to make her distance herself. she is a child but with adult things happening to her. but she is just a teenager, who think they know everything. we know they dont but just telling them they know nothing doesnt help.
too late for a termination so she is going to have to go on with this pregnancy, her hormones will be all over the place, she will be scared but not admit it, paws you need to calm down and try and be there for her. its done now, all this ranting should have been done when she was going out with this boy, both taken to one side and told to be careful etc.
good luck to her, she will need it. really feel for her. pregnancy is a scary time at any age and she will be terrified
Wideboy
17-05-08, 10:31 AM
my cousin moved in with her 19 year old boyfriend when she was 16, although not as extreme as your case, i was still shocked and out raged. not good :(
Red ones
17-05-08, 10:44 AM
I have only just found this thread - sorry to derail, but I loved teh line...
i know a couple of young mums on my window round
Classic humour!!
arenalife
17-05-08, 10:51 AM
My brother in law let a 16 yr old move in to there 15 yr old daughters bedroom, she's also cheggers, surprise surprise!
The "I don't care attitude" could well be a front - I've got four kids two of which are still in teens (late teens). The things they have done that put us on the edge, including a weak attempt at suicide (attention seeking exercise) which after a couple of days I'm still in shock whilst she is out at parties as if nothing happened.:confused:
There is nothing wrong in showing your dissapointment but don't over do it. It needs to be followed up by support otherwise her pretence will harden and she may even turn her back on you. Strong on the outside - dying on the inside. Often it is a way of seeking help bizarre though it might be and she may hopefully come round soon esp when it comes to the side effects and check ups, scans etc. Just give her a bit of space.
Like some others have said - don't beat the lad up. He might be 16 but there are so many contradictary issues at these ages. The boy is legally to blame but Girls supposedly mature much quicker than boys and they can be very manipulative, even at that age they do seem to know there minds better than even older boys. Its a stupid out of date law (should apply to both!) unless he forced himself upon her which doesn't seem the case. Girls are very much aware of their bdies at that age.
You normally show a very balanced and fair minded view of things on this forum Paws, I hope you can come to terms with this and help your cousin in that way. Good luck :smt056
Just my own experiences and opinion - I'm no expert!!;)
KIDS!!:rolleyes:
Shellywoozle
17-05-08, 11:35 AM
Inform the police & they'll get the boyfriend put on the sex offenders' register for being a goddammed paedophile.
She's 13, FFS!
Yeah in legal terms he has commited an offence under the sexual offences act 2003, if she was under 13 its automatic rape as it is written that children under 13 cannot consent to such an act, even if they do. But she is 13 so that dont count and any complaint would have to be made by her not the parents.
I find in such cases the 13 year old will not make a formal complaint against the boyfriend because she wanted to have sex and without her complaint the CPS are not likely to run it .... anyhow the 16 year old will most probably get a caution or warning out of it as he has probably not been in trouble with rozzzas before.
It's a hard one to deal with, Police should be involved in one way but it doesn't always solve anything. Don't slate me on this guys just the way the law is written and how the system works.
She is 13, age of criminal responsibility is 10. Her family could go the police but she would have to be willing to talk to them. Be good if she did.
Paws, did boyfriend know how old she was in first place? PM me if you need advice chick xxx
yup he knows how old she is and thats why id love to smack him one, its more that thats what making me feel so sick, i mean ffs shes a child and hes a teenager-he should know alot better, esp as she is v vunerable-shes having a few problems with self image etc and personally i think hes been (dare i say it) grooming her for this....
Treacle has met my cousin and can vouch for naive and vunerable she can be/is.
No one will get police involved and she obvs wont make a complaint.
Shes got an appointment in a clinic on wednesday in Birmingham as they MAY be able to do something...we will find out then.
I think I can understand where you're coming from, Paws. Yes, it might be 'a sign of the times', but that doesn't make it either right or acceptable. These children....because that's what they are really............shouldn't be facing chidbirth and motherhood at such a young age. Sadly, it now seems as if it's the norm for younger and younger girls to become pregnant, and I really don't think there's any way to reverse the trend.
My daughter was 13 when she said the words every parent fears.....'Mum, I've got something I need to tell you'. When she then said 'I'm gay' my reaction was, 'Thank God for that, I thought you were going to say you were pregnant'
cheers lissa :)
yeah and he is a 16 year old boy. Im sure she was a willing participant. she is probably more mature than he. he should not be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life over something like this. if he was 26 then yeah but not at 16.
she is probably putting on a front as everyone is coming down on her. if she had some support she may open up and admit that she was made a mistake. she is not going toadmit that with everyone coming down on her. more likely to make her distance herself. she is a child but with adult things happening to her. but she is just a teenager, who think they know everything. we know they dont but just telling them they know nothing doesnt help.
too late for a termination so she is going to have to go on with this pregnancy, her hormones will be all over the place, she will be scared but not admit it, paws you need to calm down and try and be there for her. its done now, all this ranting should have been done when she was going out with this boy, both taken to one side and told to be careful etc.
good luck to her, she will need it. really feel for her. pregnancy is a scary time at any age and she will be terrified
shes not mature at all though, thats the problem, she THINKS she is (dont most kids??) if she was that mature she would have said something before it was this far gone, she knows if she cant talk to her mum, she could talk to me or my mum.
no one has come down on her yet but her mum is devasted, my mum is fuming and she knows to stay well away from me until ive calmed down!
You normally show a very balanced and fair minded view of things on this forum Paws, I hope you can come to terms with this and help your cousin in that way. Good luck :smt056
Aww cheers hun :)
im so shcoked and disgusted as i see her as my lilttle sister as theres excatly 10 years between us and i thought she had more brains and morals than this, its also the stress she has now placed upon our family (who could do without this as my mums still recovering from her stroke nad weve now found out my grandad MAY have cancer)
Never rains but it pours hey!!
Im keeping me head up, all i can say is thank god i have a brillient fella, my bike and some wicked friends on here and some good advice aswell off members on here, cheers guys.xxx
Laura
yup he knows how old she is and thats why id love to smack him one
If it was my daughter, I'd be paying him a visit with a large bat!
Supervox
17-05-08, 01:14 PM
. . . Shes got an appointment in a clinic on wednesday in Birmingham as they MAY be able to do something...we will find out then.
Is this HER decision or 'the family's' ?
Options (as I see them)
(1) Your cousin has the baby and keeps it to bring up herself - with family help obviously. Society's attitude to this isn't what it used to be (for better or worse I'll let people make their own decision) - it would be extremely hard on her & your family (possibly the father's family too) but possible.
(2) Termination - this may seem like an easy way out but I know several women who had terminations in their teens & all regret the decision now (easy to look back in hindsight possibly - but still doesn't change the way they feel) - 2 wish that they'd kept the child, 1 that she'd put the baby up for adoption.
(3) Adoption - Now as an adoptee I'm admittedly biased on this issue -if terminations had been as easy as they seem to be today then I probably wouldn't exist - but it should be considered as there are thousands of people who for one reason or another can't have children but who long to raise a child as their own & can provide a loving home.
The obvious reaction in this situation is to ask -
"what is best for the mother-to-be ?"
I DISAGREE ENTIRELY
The question should be -
"What is best for the child ?"
This child did not ask to be conceived - ok it happened (presumably) as the result of naivety or an accident - but it doesn't change the fact that 2 people decided to have sex (the legal / moral issues don't count for anything here) & nature decided that a baby was to be the outcome.
I hope that all concerned explore & discuss every possibility before making a decison that will effect BOTH families in the future.
Hi,
It is a really tough thing to deal with, but if she is under 24 weeks they should be able to help.
Whatever you do steer her away from the images of development stages, and support her in her decision if she decides to terminate. Too much info can sometimes be what holds you back.
While any type of medical intervention at this stage would be extremely traumatic, it would certainly prevent her from losing her childhood and the chances that are presented as a young person without commitments.
There is little point in pressing charges, as she agreed. But it will be worthwhile steering her away from this lad, and pointing out that he really didn't have her best interests at heart if he let this happen. As the older party, and knowing he was wrong, he should have protected them both. Obviously all that is better talked about once the major decisions have been made, at this stage she will not need the added stress as she will already be terrified - both for her future and of others opinions.
Please pardon my interruption as a newbie; I only thought I'd add as I went through this with a friend, who was 14, a good few years back. I remember sitting for hours while she cried and talked about how scared she was, but puton a strong front for everybody else.
She is doing fine now, and indeed has just given birth to a second boy as she loved motherhood. In fact she is probably a better, more patient mother than me who had my lad a lot later on!
Best of luck whatever the turnout,
H.
but if she has a termination at over 20 weeks does she not have to give birth once they have killed the feotus. that may screw her up more than having baby and getting it adopted.
missyburd
17-05-08, 04:20 PM
but if she has a termination at over 20 weeks does she not have to give birth once they have killed the feotus. that may screw her up more than having baby and getting it adopted.
yeah it can be induced, I would say even more traumatic. Tbh I think it's far better for her just to have the baby, then she will realise that these things are not to be taken lightly and maybe she will think twice about being hmmm... irresponsible (right word?) I'm sure she will grow up pretty quickly too.
yorkie_chris
17-05-08, 06:56 PM
And you've got a point about the boys thing, I was up in my room doing homework and reading books at that age lol! Time do change it would seem :rolleyes:
Probably the only girl living in mixenden who was.... :-P
My daughter was 13 when she said the words every parent fears.....'Mum, I've got something I need to tell you'. When she then said 'I'm gay' my reaction was, 'Thank God for that, I thought you were going to say you were pregnant'
Lmao!!!
Inform the police & they'll get the boyfriend put on the sex offenders' register for being a goddammed paedophile.
She's 13, FFS!
Harsh. Not to condone whats gone on, but what is that going to accomplish? F### all.
I won't pass further comment on things other than to say sorry to hear things have gotten so messed up and I hope that the "family" leave's the lass to make her own decision about what to do.
shonadoll
17-05-08, 06:59 PM
I think I can understand where you're coming from, Paws. Yes, it might be 'a sign of the times', but that doesn't make it either right or acceptable. These children....because that's what they are really............shouldn't be facing chidbirth and motherhood at such a young age. Sadly, it now seems as if it's the norm for younger and younger girls to become pregnant, and I really don't think there's any way to reverse the trend.
My daughter was 13 when she said the words every parent fears.....'Mum, I've got something I need to tell you'. When she then said 'I'm gay' my reaction was, 'Thank God for that, I thought you were going to say you were pregnant'
That's absolutely great she could tell you that, what a mature kid.
There is no real second option here tbh, shes having a termination as no one in our family could help her bring it up/care for it, also shes way to young to be having a child-shes only a child herself!
Personally i think she should have to carry it and have it (she MAY have to yet, find out wednesday) as she might just wake up to the reality of it all.
*shruggs*
at the end of the day its a no win situ .
Hi,
It is a really tough thing to deal with, but if she is under 24 weeks they should be able to help.
Whatever you do steer her away from the images of development stages, and support her in her decision if she decides to terminate. Too much info can sometimes be what holds you back.
While any type of medical intervention at this stage would be extremely traumatic, it would certainly prevent her from losing her childhood and the chances that are presented as a young person without commitments.
There is little point in pressing charges, as she agreed. But it will be worthwhile steering her away from this lad, and pointing out that he really didn't have her best interests at heart if he let this happen. As the older party, and knowing he was wrong, he should have protected them both. Obviously all that is better talked about once the major decisions have been made, at this stage she will not need the added stress as she will already be terrified - both for her future and of others opinions.
Please pardon my interruption as a newbie; I only thought I'd add as I went through this with a friend, who was 14, a good few years back. I remember sitting for hours while she cried and talked about how scared she was, but puton a strong front for everybody else.
She is doing fine now, and indeed has just given birth to a second boy as she loved motherhood. In fact she is probably a better, more patient mother than me who had my lad a lot later on!
Best of luck whatever the turnout,
H.
Your we;lcome to add your thoughts huni, its what i like about this site, you get a wide and varied mix of views from everybody and its helped me take a step back and calm down abit (im still angry just not as bad)
Rhiwbina_Squirrel
17-05-08, 09:06 PM
I think the "I don't care" attitude may well just be a front. My sister is 15 and has a tough front but she's not that tough underneath. There's probably a hell of a lot going through her mind right now, without the baby, and the front may be how she rationalises these thoughts.
I'd be happy to see a guy put on the sex offenders register if he got my sister pregnant but in the long run this may not solve anything - possibly make things worse! Ultimately, it's down to you lot.
One last thing, not speaking to her will not solve anything - I speak from experience! It'll just be another thing to add to the things going through her mind.
Hope everything works out for the best, whatever that may be.
Alex
missyburd
17-05-08, 09:12 PM
Probably the only girl living in mixenden who was.... :-P
I only lived there for a three years! :rolleyes:
So she is having a termination, scary. I suppose there could be a heightened risk with her going full-term, boy I would not like to be in her position right now!
dizzyblonde
17-05-08, 09:14 PM
There is no real second option here tbh, shes having a termination as no one in our family could help her bring it up/care for it, also shes way to young to be having a child-shes only a child herself!
Personally i think she should have to carry it and have it (she MAY have to yet, find out wednesday) as she might just wake up to the reality of it all.
*shruggs*
at the end of the day its a no win situ .
ok, so a very young girl indeed. And under circumstances this would be a prefered option...but how far gone is she.
My stance as a mother, I've had two miscarriages, I almost had my son at 26 weeks, which by the power of modern medicine was stopped and he came in to the world late( typical male). But at very early stages this child she is carrying is a child, not a thing or whatever name they want to give it. Its a tiny person. Just my honest thoughts on babies. This is a difficult situ, but at the end of the day, I think she knew what she was doing, so therefore should live with the consequences...its all too easy to throw away babies these days...for want of a better word
WOW 13 and pregnant! Well I understand how surprised you are Paws.
Personally, I believe that she should have an abortion. From whichever point of you you look at it she is not at an age to bring up a kid and this baby if it gets born surely it won't be brought up properly by a 13 year old. So I reckon for the best of both the termination is a wise decision....if it's still an option.
On the other hand, how come her mother didn't notice the throwing up? That her kid has not had a period for 20 weeks, a belly that surely must be a bit bigger than usual?
Finally, don't kids nowadays get any sex talk from the parents and the possible "issues" that might arise i.e. pregnancy, STD etc etc? If I was the girls parent I would have had her locked up by now and made sure the boys parents chopped his balls off!! If I was the guys parent I would chopped the whole system off!!!
and we then wonder why there is so much youth crime in this country!! cause they have noone to bash their heads against a wall when they disregard the parents word!
missyburd
17-05-08, 09:34 PM
On the other hand, how come her mother didn't notice the throwing up? That her kid has not had a period for 20 weeks, a belly that surely must be a bit bigger than usual?
1) not everyone is affected by morning sickness
2) throwing up is not a difficult thing to hide
3) why would the kid tell her mum she wasnt having a period lol!?
men :rolleyes: :p
*shes only just started being sick
*shes not showing at all although shes near enough 5 months gone (her mum hardly had a bump with her)
* and she reckons she has "something like periods"....
because she is a kid missYC
and knowing she has a 16 year old bf I would have been all over her to make sure the inevitable didn't happen!! let alone left pregnant
it's not men! it's being proactive and taking into account the familiar stories you hear on the news on a daily basis
*shes only just started being sick
*shes not showing at all although shes near enough 5 months gone (her mum hardly had a bump with her)
* and she reckons she has "something like periods"....
sorry Paws u posted while I was posting as well - I guess then it's one of those sits where there was not much she could do by just looking at the kid
would still chop that kids balls off though!!!
yorkie_chris
17-05-08, 09:44 PM
because she is a kid missYC
and knowing she has a 16 year old bf I would have been all over her to make sure the inevitable didn't happen!! let alone left pregnant
it's not men! it's being proactive and taking into account the familiar stories you hear on the news on a daily basis
Never work. All the pushing and basically being an intrusive ar$e with your kids just pushes them into the very direction you're trying to avoid.
All you can do is set a good example and try to teach, otherwise the natural thing will just happen, they'll think "fk off" and you'll accomplish nothing.
Also all the crap you're talking about chopping bits off. Is that going to help matters at all?
missyburd
17-05-08, 09:44 PM
because she is a kid missYC
and knowing she has a 16 year old bf I would have been all over her to make sure the inevitable didn't happen!! let alone left pregnant
well you have a point there but whats done is done and its not always easy to keep your kids locked away from others unfortunately. Unless your a certain Austrian :mad:
yorkie_chris
17-05-08, 09:45 PM
well you have a point there but whats done is done and its not always easy to keep your kids locked away from others unfortunately. Unless your a certain Austrian :mad:
Kinda defeats the object if you're locking them up to stop them getting pregnant though :-P
Never work. All the pushing and basically being an intrusive ar$e with your kids just pushes them into the very direction you're trying to avoid.
All you can do is set a good example and try to teach, otherwise the natural thing will just happen, they'll think "fk off" and you'll accomplish nothing.
Also all the crap you're talking about chopping bits off. Is that going to help matters at all?
yes mate thanks! I value your opinion a couple of times we've spoken and "taking crap" is not an expression I'd use! Obviously I don't think anyone could actually chop the kids bits off. It's a matter of speech.
well you have a point there but whats done is done and its not always easy to keep your kids locked away from others unfortunately. Unless your a certain Austrian :mad:
hahaha totally forgot about him :)
Kinda defeats the object if you're locking them up to stop them getting pregnant though :-P
sometimes kids are too young to be able to make a decision and this is where a parent needs to be more involved in any way they feel appropriate. Just talking to a 13year old doesn't mean they'll listen and at their age and being a teenager a tighter control could be useful to avoid situations like this one.
And I'm not a doctor and cannot answer the question of what can be done now. Also I don't think Paws came on a bike forum to get a doctors opinion. Probably more after the "everyday life" point of view.
dizzyblonde
17-05-08, 10:00 PM
*shes only just started being sick
*shes not showing at all although shes near enough 5 months gone (her mum hardly had a bump with her)
* and she reckons she has "something like periods"....
sorry Paws but at 6 weeks i was throwing up all over the place....normal
20 weeks i could feel Dylan moving around in there and I had my scan around then too, he was singing Karaoke, I got the photos still. An abortion at this time is not something to be taken as...oh its ok, its only a blob. Remember i said at 26 weeks( or there abouts) may have been 24 I nearly had my son, and they said at that time he could survive quite easily..if a lot premature.
Just giving you an idea.
I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks for both and that was horrendous, I had to have both my babies taken away by surgery..I'm still traumatised by both, if a little less since having Dylan
a good friend suffered a miscariage at 5 months, she had to have the baby delivered, she went through hell, and was deeply scarred by it. Some how I don;t think a thirteen yr old is geared up for the fact that if she is 5 months gone she would have to have surgery(or give birth anyway)
I still say at her age its probably best for her to suffer the consequences by having the baby rather than going through the horrendous issues concerning termination, both mentally and physically
yorkie_chris
17-05-08, 10:09 PM
yes mate thanks! I value your opinion a couple of times we've spoken and "taking crap" is not an expression I'd use! Obviously I don't think anyone could actually chop the kids bits off. It's a matter of speech.
A knee-jerk reaction gets a knee-jerk response ;-)
Didn't mean that much offence.
He's 16, she's 13, sending them both to bed without any pudding isn't going to do much either if by the chopping balls off statement you meant they should be somehow punished.
I don't really see how you can exert the degree of control over your kids to completely control them. It's the difference between your kids maybe getting hurt a little learning a few lessons for themselves, or for them hating you as a parent for being an obsessive nutter, and going out and doing everything 10 times as badly when they do get off the leash for more than 3 minutes.
its for the docs to decide dizzy huni, not me, i agree with you in a way-she should have to carry it and have it as it may make think twice, as i said its a no win situ-theres no right or wrong answer to it.
dizzyblonde
17-05-08, 10:33 PM
its for the docs to decide dizzy huni, not me, i agree with you in a way-she should have to carry it and have it as it may make think twice, as i said its a no win situ-theres no right or wrong answer to it.
yeah i know, thought I'd try and give you a little bit of an idea of what its like ( if with a lot of detail ommitted) If ya wanna chat about the outcome private, and need a bit of help understanding the process of said 'termination' PM me and i'll give you my MSN addy. Cause if shes going to go through with it, the best thing to help her through it is to get geared up with some info from the none doctor approach, cause she'll need all the support she can get, and if i can help you, help her then, i'll try my best.....
All I can say is..it ain't gonna be pretty
im not gonna get involved with it huni, this all couldve been stopped before it happened but there you go, its now up to her and her mum to deal with it.
i know its not pretty-trained as nursery nurse and we had to deal with the issues concerning terminations etc, plus one of our class had to have an abortion halfway through the course.
Cloggsy
18-05-08, 09:26 AM
If the B/F is 16 & she is 13, that is prosecutable...
ohhh it gets better guys..
turns out the lad ISNT 16...ohh nooo...hes 18!!!!!!!!!!
dunt ask me who told who he was 16 as i dont know and frankly i dunt want to now, im going out on the daytona for a nice long relaxing ride.
ohhh it gets better guys..
turns out the lad ISNT 16...ohh nooo...hes 18!!!!!!!!!!
dunt ask me who told who he was 16 as i dont know and frankly i dunt want to now, im going out on the daytona for a nice long relaxing ride.
deffo a paedo!!!!
missyburd
18-05-08, 11:10 AM
Blinkin heck, now this is a proper Jeremy Kylee stylee situation.:smt119 Unbelievable, he definitely needs shooting now :smt067
Gobsmacked, you enjoy your ride in the sunshine and forget about it for a bit Paws :riding:
get out and enjoy the sunshine paws. it is not your problem. There are a few sites - Cow and Gate etc that show you details of what your baby looks like at certain stages. I think the youngest baby to survive was born at 21 weeks. Hopefully the doctor will tell her exactly what to expect and that she is convinced with her decision. Poor kid.
tanis34
18-05-08, 02:11 PM
boy this is getting rougher for everyone involved ,go for a ride but dont be to distracted girl and ride safe:cool:
kwak zzr
18-05-08, 02:33 PM
agreed she will need family support, i know its a shock but whats done is done, my daughter is 10 and i think of this myself :( stay strong paws and dont blame all the blame on your lill cousin it takes 2 to tango ;o) be there for her hunn. all the best xxx
ohhh it gets better guys..
turns out the lad ISNT 16...ohh nooo...hes 18!!!!!!!!!!
dunt ask me who told who he was 16 as i dont know and frankly i dunt want to now, im going out on the daytona for a nice long relaxing ride.
Blinkin heck, now this is a proper Jeremy Kylee stylee situation.:smt119 Unbelievable, he definitely needs shooting now :smt067
Gobsmacked, you enjoy your ride in the sunshine and forget about it for a bit Paws :riding:
funny how my "knee-jerk" reaction is similar to yours now that the lad is 18 instead of 16.....
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 05:06 PM
It was me accusing you of knee-jerking not Maria ;-)
missyburd
18-05-08, 05:10 PM
funny how my "knee-jerk" reaction is similar to yours now that the lad is 18 instead of 16.....
at 16 although he be in the wrong, he's still a young 'un really and generally lads can be very immature at that age. 18 is however very wrong, more likely he took advantage now :(
It was me accusing you of knee-jerking not Maria ;-)
at 16 although he be in the wrong, he's still a young 'un really and generally lads can be very immature at that age. 18 is however very wrong, more likely he took advantage now :(
don't mean to create issues in the household there LOL
but for me 16 or 18 you still know what happens when you have unprotected sex and I don't mean about STD.....I mean getting pregnant
Happy though that we now agree the lad should be punished either from home or the law
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 05:21 PM
I still don't see what that will accomplish.
missyburd
18-05-08, 05:31 PM
I still don't see what that will accomplish.
so you don't think being 18 is any more wrong than 16?
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 05:36 PM
I think it's bang out of order.
However, whether he gets a kicking from his dad, from her dad, or a criminal record and a slap on the wrist, it doesn't change the fact that the lass is pregnant.
If he's not a completely heartless f###wit this will cause him to change his ways anyway, and if he is, then no amount of kickings or criminal charges are going to change that!
Also, IMO the lass being prodded into giving a statement by the police is not going to be good for her general state of mind.
so you suggest he goes unpunished? ain't that the same as saying that a guy who is speeding and causes an accident only gets away with points?
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 05:46 PM
The stigma of being seen as a nonce, what's worse than that?
there are too many people in our society with this stigma and can't see them being affected too much.......but this is from my circle in society......from someone else might be different
Guys can we please not argue about this? im liking the fact that i can OPENLY talk and seek fellow members advice on this so lets not turn it into a slanging match plz.
its causing a huge rift in my family, my dad wont talk about it, my mum is so so disgusted and shocked and says she will never look at my cousin in the same way regardless of what the outcome is and you guys know what i think! my mum keeps trying to talk to me about it all which i dont feel comfortable with tbh as i dont want to get involved in it all now, as far as im concerned its my cousins and aunts mess-they should deal with it!,
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 06:20 PM
My apologies.
Condolences to all concerned really, whatever happens it's caused a lot of hurt and trouble. Hope it doesn't cause too much of a rift among the family.
Chris
My apologies.
Condolences to all concerned really, whatever happens it's caused a lot of hurt and trouble. Hope it doesn't cause too much of a rift among the family.
Chris
No need to apolgise huni, everyone has an opinion and i like hearing/reading other peoples views! helps me make more sense of the whole mess, just no mud slinging anymore or i'll get miss yorkie to sort you out! ;)
Not meant to turn it to a slagging thread. I think we just picked up on the social side of the case and just went on from there. Neither me or YC meant to hurt you, I think we were just discussing our different points of view maybe too openly :)
Whatever happens I hope you get it sorted......and by you I mean how you feel about it.
Remember there are no good and bad things in life.....just lessons you learn from.
All the best
Not meant to turn it to a slagging thread. I think we just picked up on the social side of the case and just went on from there. Neither me or YC meant to hurt you, I think we were just discussing our different points of view maybe too openly :)
Whatever happens I hope you get it sorted......and by you I mean how you feel about it.
Remember there are no good and bad things in life.....just lessons you learn from.
All the best
You guys havent hurt me, just dont want to this thread turn into a big bust up, its good people have different points of view-just dont get personal with them ;) (or i'll be forced to sort you out LOL)
hahaha I'm on another continent at the moment - too far to get personal with YC :)
Dave The Rave
18-05-08, 06:33 PM
13? Dad's 16? Will that be a court apperance for him?
missyburd
18-05-08, 06:58 PM
just no mud slinging anymore or i'll get miss yorkie to sort you out! ;)
with pleasure :rambo: :D
13? Dad's 16? Will that be a court apperance for him?
found to be 18, little toerag.
hmmm at 18 this lad is on very dodgy ground i think. I am pretty sure the police can act without a complaint bein made by the actual girl now. This lad is no longer a minor but an Adult, in effect its no different from me getting a 13yr old pregnant now.
Its sick to be honest at 18 i was never interested in what was efectivly a kid!! it makes my mind boggle.
And as for the unborn, mag to grid it!! ASAP. Termination or Addoption would be the best route IMO. As for what is best for the kid, well surely being adopted by an adult is a better start to life than being brought up by a kid itself??
If that was my daughter, there would be no question of her keeping it even if i had to get a knitting needle and do it myself!!
yorkie_chris
18-05-08, 08:31 PM
Harsh, murder, and just as illegal as you getting her pregnant in the first place.
2 wrongs don't make a right, but maybe finding an adpotive family can do 2 rights. The kid gets a decent upbringing, the family gets to bring up the child.
2 wrongs don't make a right, but maybe finding an adpotive family can do 2 rights. The kid gets a decent upbringing, the family gets to bring up the child.
Agree Adoption i think would probably be best all round.
Paws, Was the girl 13 at the time of getting pregnant?
Ch00
the MAN that got her pregnant is a phedophile he should be delt with acordingly
Wayluya
18-05-08, 09:56 PM
16 and 13? IMO parents job to put the kybosh on that.....but depending on the 2 involved not neccesarily one for old bill.
But 18 and 13! Fook off - he is well old enuf to be fully aware he was into kiddie fiddling territory, so needs to face the consequences - his tastes won't be changing as he gets older.....easy to criticise from afar, but IMO parents should also have been on top of that one as well.....
Agree Adoption i think would probably be best all round.
+1
Paws, Was the girl 13 at the time of getting pregnant?
Ch00
yes, turns 14 on 29th of this month
the MAN that got her pregnant is a phedophile he should be delt with acordingly
+1, yes at 18 he must have know what he was doing was wrong, as she is 5 months pregnant now at the time of conception she was only 13 and a half. And I doubt that was the first or last time he has slept with her. I know it takes 2 to tango and all that but, he could have said no, and for gods sake what did an 18yr old see in a a kid that young?
There is no real second option here tbh, shes having a termination as no one in our family could help her bring it up/care for it, also shes way to young to be having a child-shes only a child herself!
Personally i think she should have to carry it and have it (she MAY have to yet, find out wednesday) as she might just wake up to the reality of it all.
*shruggs*
at the end of the day its a no win situ .
Bit of a shame that you posted asking for support (advice) and appear to have completely dismissed the Supervox option.
because stu at the end of the day its not my choice or decision! and it was more a let of of steam/a rant/ to see what other people thought, its causing major problems in the my family and there IS no right or wrong answer-whatever the outcome-things will NEVER be the same.
timwilky
19-05-08, 11:06 AM
couple of points here.
We (The wife and I) have been in similar situations. We caught our youngest having sex at a party age 13, I had the lad against the wall (18 yrs old). It was a family friends joint 16th with our eldest. We as responsible parents were present discreetly in the conservatory when the discovery was made. He protested he thought she was 16, she had been a more than willing participant. We dragged her to the police station but they were not interested. Especially when she told them she did not talk to sides of bacon.
However, next day she was at the doctors. Morning after pill, lectures from the doctor about the damage she was doing to herself at that age, the emotional side of it. the risks from unprotected sex etc. But at that point we also insisted she be prescribed the contraceptive pill. she is now a single mum, but age 22. Struggling to cope, the identified father failed a DNA match. but she is still our daughter.
Now, my son. his girl friend is staying over. We make sure he has a adequate supply. Can you believe it we are buying him noddies you expect him to use them. So 2 years ago he comes home and says "Mum I have something to tell you", but he never gets round to it. 2 days later Lynne asks him what was it and he is a bit hushed, Is it Ruth She says, She isn't pregnant?. He replies she was but she has had it.
What do you mean I asked. I had seen her less than a week ago. It turned out she was out on one of her horses, and had stomach ache, got off and went into the kitchen. Said to her mum, "Mum I am weeing and can't stop". Mum obviously knew and an hour later Ruby appeared. Full term and nobody knew a thing, she had been wearing the same jodpurs she always wore, no pregancy tummy, no stretch marks to worry about . Now it turned out they had both lied to us. David and Ruth had told us she was 17 when in fact she was 15. Lynne had even told Ruths mum that she was staying over with David, that she was sexually active and advised her to make sure Ruth understood her contraception. Ruths mum simply said "She is not like that" at no point did she say she was only 15.
Well, Ruby was 2 last week. She is the little lady on my avatar. Whilst all were shocked when it happened, she is a much loved little girl. David, Ruth and Ruby live a good life, he is providing well for them. He accepts his responsibility as a dad. Ruth is a young mum. But coping very well (Despite being a crap cook) . The only comment from her, is that she will make sure Ruby doesn't not repeat her mistake.
Out of the emotional turmoil a surprise like this can bring. It can also be positive. It turned my son from being yet another idle waster into a hard working responsible person. I am now proud of who he is, despite his early mistakes.
Adolescent sex is nothing new. It is all part of exploring those new feelings and tbh quite normal. However, there is this great tabboo about it. We can encourage all to wait until they are emotionally and physically able to cope and to explain how much better sex is as part of a loving relationship and start to sound like our grandparents. However we know it is fun, it is exciting and shouldn't be surprised when youngsters try it for themselves. Therefore we need to take our heads out the sand. Know what they are doing, educate them, make contraception easily available to these young people without the accusation that you are indirectly encouraging them etc.
Trouble is tim he KNOWS exactly how old she is as he goes school with her (hes in 6th form), its NOT "normal" for a 18 year old lad to be intrested in a 13 year old child-esp as he had more than enough girls intrested in him at the school etc and thats whats causing the damage.
Neither of them appear sorry and neither of them seem to cause realise the damage and heartache its causing the family-which is the part thats making so angry.
My cosuin has always been encoraged to be open with any of us (her mum, me or my mum) and she kept denying that were doing anything and that she wasnt that stupid etc,
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