Zombie Apocolypse

[Runako]

I'm seriously worried about the people I hang out with. Bikeramy started it, Fallout featured it in his "how to Vid" and Grant66 took it to a different level! Let me explain.

So, picture this. I'm sat in a Bike cafe having a delicious dream of an all day breakfast. You know, the kind thats only good for you once a month with lashings of Bacon, a pair of perfectly round fried eggs, steaming hot hash brown, crunchy oily fried bread, moist black pudding, a quartet band of toast with butter mmmmmmmm... oh, er, sorry about.

Where was I. Oh yes. So I'm sat eating my all day breakfast in between two people who look perfectly normal with no exterior sign off oddity. Little did I know that what lurked below the surface of these two individuals was pure madness.

The person to my left says "Zombies are real, and they're coming. Better be prepared". I look up and across to the person to my right, waiting for them to subliminally agree with me that there are no such things as Zombies.

But No! Person to my right says "Yes, I'm sorted. But I'm worried that some people don't know the proper technique for killing a Zombie. You can't just hit them or shoot them anywhere. Here's a book I can recommend on how to prepare" [proceeds to do an online search and shows person to my left a book entitled "Zombie Apocalypse Preparation"] .... wait, what???

"Ooh that's good", says person to my left. "If only we were like the Americans then we could all get guns. If we have a Zombie outbreak in the UK what are people gonna do, stab them with a fork?" [Person to my right] "I'm sure you can use normal everyday items, such as a knife. But you mustn't use one with a serrated blade, cause that will stick in the skull. You've got a use a knife with a clean edge" [Hmmm, I never thought of ... wait, wtf?]

So I humour my abnormal companions: "If Zombies crave flesh and need to eat meat to survive, why wouldn't they just find the nearest cow and chow down?"

"Ah" says person to my right. "Everyone knows Zombies only eat human flesh and brains" [Everyone knows this? Really?] "Plus if they'd bitten the cow this would just spread the virus" says person to my left, "And then we would have Zombie cows!"

At this point, I choked on a piece of black pudding.

This continued for some time. I heard plots and scenarios, including a plan to recruit cats and manipulate them by shining a laser pen - cats find this little trick irresistible apparently - unto a Zombie so that the cats can attack them! [Headslap ... smh]

As we were in a public place, people started staring. But my companions weren't to be deterred. "There will be a Zombie Apocalypse and if you're not prepared Ronnie, you're gonna die like the rest of them".

Needless to say, I do NOT believe there will be a Zombie apocalypse. Nevertheless, out of concern for my companions, I decided to run a poll in the Org cause I know there are a lot of reasonable, sensible, level headed people here.

So, the poll is:

Will there be a Zombie Apocolypse?

[DJ123]

There will be one!!! Prepare yourself for it ;)

[Runako]

There will be one!!! oh, and there's no poll

There is now... and you're crazy

[DJ123]

I'm not at all, i've been practising for years how to shoot a zombie. So when it does happen i am prepared!

[Bibio]

my youngest is a zombie warrior he knows what weapons and where to attack them when it happens. he has all the answers and IT WILL HAPPEN he says as the powers that be keep experimenting on subjects to create the perfect biological weapon to wipe out the opposition, this is why people go on about alien abductions. but one day it's going to get out of hand and BAM zombie apocalypse...

[Runako]

Of all the people ...

I didn't expect to hear that from you Bibio. I am now seriously worried (about all of you)

[squirrel_hunter]

"Ah" says person to my right. "Everyone knows Zombies only eat human flesh and brains" [Everyone knows this? Really?] "Plus if they were to bite a cow they would just spread the virus" says person to my left, "And then we would have Zombie cows!"


Not true. While it is plausible that the Zombie may indulge in the cow meat (and lets face it steak should be rare, and whats rarer that still mooing?), the virus would not then infect the cow and we would not have Zombie cows.

It is possible that the virus may live within the cow and the cow would become a carrier, making a steak more of a game of roulette than simply a meal. But this is unlikely. It is more commonly accepted that the virus would not be transmitted to the cow and would in all likelihood would only survive outside of the host Zombie for a short time.

Either way you'd be a little silly to chow down on a cow that has already been nibbled at. Thats why I have stockpiled tins of Heinz Baked Beans and Sausages...

[Dabteacake]

I get a rifle at work so me and mine are sorted lol

[Thunderace]

You lot are completely potty, I've never seen such mental diarrhoea!:scratch:

Don't worry Runako, its perfectly normal to feel your the only sane one in this rather stagnant human gene pool!

[bikeramy]

I thought a chainsaw would be the best method but as corrected by Grant the 'splatter' would endanger us to the virus.

*currently watching 28 weeks later as preparation*

[Runako]

It is possible that the virus may live within the cow and the cow would become a carrier, making a steak more of a game of roulette than simply a meal. But this is unlikely. It is more commonly accepted that the virus would not be transmitted to the cow and would in all likelihood would only survive outside of the host Zombie for a short time.


Oh lord.

This almost even sounds plausible. Except ...

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES!

(What's more frightening is that people have given it this much thought.)

[Spank86]

I'm disappointed in you thunderace, the only reason we let you ride with us is you're our route to get guns when the apocalypse comes.

We can't have you dying before that because you're too busy telling the zombie that's gnawing at you that it doesn't exist to get out of the way and put it down.

[Grant66]

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES!

http://news.discovery.com/history/zombie-skeletons-ireland-grave-110916.html

[minimorecambe]

Runako - your OP has made my night :D

[Bibio]

Oh lord.

This almost even sounds plausible. Except ...

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES!

(What's more frightening is that people have given it this much thought.)

i bed to differ as you see the scouts every day they are disguised as Junkies but are really taking note for their superiors to tell them when the time is right to unleash the virus.

[Dabteacake]

Amy I think you should watch shaun of the dead as it will give you a better idea

[bikeramy]

Amy I think you should watch shaun of the dead as it will give you a better idea

Already watched it. I'm level 98 and ranking 3000 in world leader board on resident evil: operation raccoon city. I am unfortunately a serious Resident Evil fan since it's birth in 1996...

I'm prepared...are you

http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee455/bikeramy/ddf1e664.jpg

[Fallout]

I am the oracle of all zombie knowledge. I am the ultimate. When there is a zombie apocalypse, I pray you all have half my wisdom.

Btw, I voted no.

[SoulKiss]

Please use the search function... (http://forums.sv650.org/showthread.php?t=159907&highlight=zombie)

:)

[SoulKiss]

i bed to differ as you see the scouts every day they are disguised as Junkies but are really taking note for their superiors to tell them when the time is right to unleash the virus.

You mean Dundee is already over-run?

[Bibio]

yes Dundee has it's more than fair share of scouts as its a strategical base from where they can spread out over the rest of Scotland and gain recruits before embarking on the main cities. just like Skegness down in England.

[muzikill]

Hell, and theres me thinking noone takes lsd anymore these days!

[SoulKiss]

yes Dundee has it's more than fair share of scouts as its a strategical base from where they can spread out over the rest of Scotland and gain recruits before embarking on the main cities. just like Skegness down in England.

They should just demolish Dundee, after all it was only built so that people travelling from Aberdeen southwards would have somewhere to go to the toilet.

[andreis]

I'm pretty sure we can make a zombie apocalypse happen. Every chem student fresh out of college is working hard to give us our dream. I think we won't be disappointed for long! :D:D

[davepreston]

have 2 nbc suits sitting ready

[andrewsmith]

Runako - your OP has made my night :D

Yep mine tooo

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/content/images/2007/08/30/leagueofgentlemen2_396x222.jpg

[Jayneflakes]

Surely Zombies are as real as fairies, ghosts and father christmas? I have to be honest, I struggle with religion so Zombies don't stand a chance (says the Vicar!). ;-)

I loved shooting zombies in Resident Evil and I love the films by George Romero even more. The only Zombies I suspect will ever have power are the ones that become zombified through endless nights of low brow television, tacky celebrity magazines and lack of good education.

Controversial? I hope so... :D

[Dave20046]

http://www.shockmansion.com/2012/11/11/video-top-3-weapons-for-surviving-the-apocalypse/

[SoulKiss]

Everyone should rush out and see Cockneys VS Zombies :)

[Runako]

http://www.shockmansion.com/2012/11/11/video-top-3-weapons-for-surviving-the-apocalypse/

Hilarious! "(In Russian accent) ... I prefer a Remington 700 Sniper Rifle - for when you need to reach out an touch somebody".

lmao, great link!

Everyone should rush out and see Cockneys VS Zombies

Queued up for illegal viewing tonight!

(By the way. There's no such thing as Zombies)

[Dave20046]

I like the top comment; 'You know you a can trust someone with a russian accent when it's about guns!'

No such thing?! :( I would have loved a go on a 12 gauge ...

[metalmonkey]

There are 100-110 milion people that are zombies already, they voted last week in the farce of voting for a President. How can a can country that is going down the drain jusity spending Billions $$$ on what is at best a dodgy voting system?

Should zombies attack I think sword would be most enjoyable weapon up close:cool: Other than that a GMP and naparm would kill a virus, so that gets my vote.

As already stated virus will be carried, its hihgly unlikely that a virus can infect one species and casue gentic muntations, then it would be passed onto a different species and do the same, DNA just doesn't work like that it would be too different to casue a massive change like that, or it is right now...

[SoulKiss]

STUFF

You REALLY havent got the hang of this thread, have you?

[Spank86]

As already stated virus will be carried, its hihgly unlikely that a virus can infect one species and casue gentic muntations, then it would be passed onto a different species and do the same, DNA just doesn't work like that it would be too different to casue a massive change like that, or it is right now...

Zoonosis is actually pretty rare thank god.

If it wasn't we'd all be in trouble. Unless the virus was either created from or somehow mutated from one that already exists and crosses the species barrier (clues in the name) it's not that likely that multiple animals would be affected, hell its not that likely that every HUMAN would be affected.

[joe_f59]

this is my zombie tool of choice currently

http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb405/Joe_f59/D9348644-C5B7-4FDB-BBCE-FB6590781D18-4481-000002D2765BFAD5.jpg

http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb405/Joe_f59/F99910A7-9149-4151-8BE0-38D68EACDBBC-4481-000002D281907242.jpg

http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb405/Joe_f59/A46F356D-C3ED-4007-9BE2-5FDDB2A121BD-4481-000002D28C6DA041.jpg

[Shawthing]

[QUOTE=Runako;2756544]Oh lord.

QUOTE]

Ezekiel 37:13
And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people.

[Woogie]

Zoonosis is actually pretty rare thank god.

If it wasn't we'd all be in trouble. Unless the virus was either created from or somehow mutated from one that already exists and crosses the species barrier (clues in the name) it's not that likely that multiple animals would be affected, hell its not that likely that every HUMAN would be affected.

Contagion (film) Explains this pretty well....Scary to think how its actually possible though.

[Spank86]

The other thing is that a 100% effective virus would be very bad even from its own standpoint, evolution tends to frown on things that decimate their host population, makes it so hard to keep living next year.

Usually it only happens when an organism is moved outside its natural environment (zoonosis for instance, or on a Macro scale cane roads in Australia/brown snakes in Guam).

Most likely scenario for a world decimating virus (not created in a lab) is one that's transferred from an animal where it's not that big a deal but in the process found a massive weakness in us.

Chances of it also animating our bodies to seek sustenance from the flesh of the living... Pretty low but we live in hope.

[andrewsmith]

The worst case senario is a 'dead end host' virus or bacterium jumps from animal to human.
Evolution would likely kill it before this happened

[Runako]

What??? You're all mad! Spank, "we live in hope"? I cannot believe that a genre of movie which has probably come about from stories of old pagan rituals or some unproven mystical practice has manifested itself into seemingly sensible people actually spending time contemplating the likelihood of this.

And what the hell is that gun? Not gonna lie, its badass. But can't help feeling that some of you would want a Zombie Apocalypse to happen just to shoot the **** out of something!

[Spank86]

Well, it would make life much simpler.

[Runako]

Well, it would make life much simpler.

I'm very scared right now ...

[allantheboss]

http://www.livescience.com/5631-zombie-ants-controlled-fungus.html

[Runako]

http://www.livescience.com/5631-zombie-ants-controlled-fungus.html

Simply incredible

[Bibio]

ooohhh look Runako one step closer to zombie apocalypse.. better get your killing plan sorted now.

[yorkie_chris]

I like the top comment; 'You know you a can trust someone with a russian accent when it's about guns!'

No such thing?! :( I would have loved a go on a 12 gauge ...

"Heavy ish reliable... and if it does not work... you can alvays hit him with it..."

this is my zombie tool of choice currently


Not seen one of those before, what is it? Think I'd want something with a bit more poke than a .22LR for any up close encounters though, like one of these:
http://world.guns.ru/userfiles/images/shotgun/sh07/saiga_12k_tromix.jpg

Yes that is effectively an enormous AK- series action firing 12 gauge rounds from a 10 round mag :)

Although quite why there would be any need for sights is beyond me :smt082

But can't help feeling that some of you would want a Zombie Apocalypse to happen just to shoot the **** out of something!

Ermm...

[Runako]

ooohhh look Runako one step closer to zombie apocalypse.. better get your killing plan sorted now.

Not that I believe there is any chance this could happen to human beings but, why would this be a good thing? :-k

It's amazing though. I wonder what came first, the fungus' need to control the ants in order to propogate, or the ants evolving to reside much higher in the treeline in reaction to the "zombification" threat?

[Bibio]

it's not a good thing but best be prepared just in case.

[grimey121uk]

I'm well prepared for the Zombies, autoloader with complete with a mix of different cartridges;
- The 7.5 bird shot would be good for any small game that have turned (also useful for those pesky clays)
- Thee BB bird shot for dogs/foxes that have turned
- The SG buck shot for human walkers

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8065/8185923594_eb6293e8b9_b.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8337/8185924004_d098588944_b.jpg

[yorkie_chris]

Oh I had one of those in matt black, nice bit of kit :)

Quite liked the catalogue I got with it of all the toys you could get... hilariously illegal for the UK but would be fun abroad... stuff like 10 round tubes, carbine length barrel, folding paratrooper stock :D

[BanannaMan]

I would think a BB would be overkill for zombies.

One of these will wipe out every zombie that's come back so far.

http://www.online-wholesale.net/img/p/m/ak-928-toy-gun-with-sound-57362-1.jpg

[grimey121uk]

Oh I had one of those in matt black, nice bit of kit :)

Quite liked the catalogue I got with it of all the toys you could get... hilariously illegal for the UK but would be fun abroad... stuff like 10 round tubes, carbine length barrel, folding paratrooper stock :D

How come you got rid?

[yorkie_chris]

Stopped enjoying spending £25 every sunday for an hours fun really.

[grimey121uk]

Stopped enjoying spending £25 every sunday for an hours fun really.

Tell me about it, last weekend we bought 200 clays (£60) and used ~250 rounds £65 quid :(

[Runako]

Godammit, SquirrelHunter was this you? - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-13713798

Wasting taxpayer's money answering this sort of FOI request!

[Spank86]

The last thing we want is governments preparing.

It'll be over before I even have time to loot the local bang and olafson store if that happens.

[Runako]

The last thing we want is governments preparing.

It'll be over before I even have time to loot the local bang and olafson store if that happens.

Hahahaha, not if you have tattoo's you won't. They don't just let anyone in there you know!

[Spank86]

They'll be too busy having their brains eaten.

[BanannaMan]

Finally, video proof that Zombies have returned from the dead!
And a scary looking lot they are!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDYonGiCKZ0&feature=related

[ClunkintheUK]

I thought it had happened already, judging by some of the gormless morons in london.

[Dave20046]

I thought it had happened already, judging by some of the gormless morons in london.
http://nationaltraffic.co.uk/pimages/cn3i16.jpg

[Littlepeahead]

When the Zombies arrive I am ready for them. I've got this and half a dozen cricket bats ready.

http://forums.sv650.org/picture.php?albumid=592&pictureid=6543

[ClunkintheUK]

I'm not sure the zombies can read, so i don;t think the "Boo" t-shirt is going to work.

[Littlepeahead]

Really, dammit there goes that plan then. Why has that photo appeared so huge? And look at the dark circles and bags under my eyes. Anyone would think I'd just done a 14 hour flight and then headed straight to a ladyboy bar without going to bed. Now there's a thought, if the Zombies begin in Thailand we could have an apocalypse of zombie ladyboys running around in very high heels and false eyelashes trying to eat our brains.

[Teejayexc]

I'm not sure the zombies can read, so i don;t think the "Boo" t-shirt is going to work.



Lol, I thought they'd just misspelled BOOBIES :(

[Runako]

When the Zombies arrive I am ready for them. I've got this and half a dozen cricket bats ready.

http://forums.sv650.org/picture.php?albumid=592&pictureid=6543

F&*k me! I'm ... strangely turned on. No, still haven't changed my mind. I am yet to see a Zombie in Wales. And I have seen many strange things in Wales, let me tell you.

[BanannaMan]

This is one of those moments the American in me comes right out.
We're supposed to be turned on by women with guns! :smt060

You could sell calendars in the US with that photo LPH! :cool:

[grimey121uk]

The Mrs treated me today, new Winchester SX3 (12ga) in 3.5" chamber, plenty of zombie killing power:)
http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8481/8234525863_9db79af83f_b.jpg

[Runako]

This is ridiculous even the BBC have gone mad now. Britain is going waaaay downhill if they believe in this Juvenile Culturalist Propaganda: BBC News - Museum explores the science of a zombie outbreak http://bbc.in/WE267E

[disco2]

oh dear....

[Runako]

Alas more evidence that the BBC have lost it!

Hackers 'broadcast hoax zombie alert' on US TV station
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/21425429

[squirrel_hunter]

But it is an interesting question... How do you think the news of the Zombie Apocolypse will be broken to the masses?

[metalhead19]

But it is an interesting question... How do you think the news of the Zombie Apocolypse will be broken to the masses?

By a zombie hoard crashing through your living room window, Shaun of the Dead style :smt066

[yorkie_chris]

Alas more evidence that the BBC have lost it!

Hackers 'broadcast hoax zombie alert' on US TV station
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/21425429

Genuine news that they managed to do it.

Well done hackers, well done!

[Spank86]

And you thought the BBC were bad:

http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2013/02/watch-the-canadian-parliament-hilariously-debate-the-zombie-apocalypse/

[Runako]

And you thought the BBC were bad:

http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2013/02/watch-the-canadian-parliament-hilariously-debate-the-zombie-apocalypse/

Oh FFS! Squirrel Hunter, this is part of your worldwide campaign isn't it? I think the whole Canadian Parliament should be sacked! This is ridiculous Spank!

[Spank86]

Knew that would get you.

[metalmonkey]

I was asked to shoot a zombie film, but I haven't got the mood boards or heard anymore about it yet sadly, so it could be binned. Myself I was hoping to use a variety of weapons, methods of killing, using squibs (blood and guts basically, making a right bloody mess) and playing with lighting which really is alot of fun.

I really wanted to get my sword out and basically hack a zombie up, (clealy not a living person, I should point out) its a training blade so blunt you don't spar with sharp edges for a good reason!

Anyways if you want to watch a Zombie TV show then "The Walking Dead" is sick I'm watching the latest season, but not upto date.

[Mat H]

Anyways if you want to watch a Zombie TV show then "The Walking Dead" is sick.

A brilliant TV show, the comics are good as well if you're into that sort of thing.

[Littlepeahead]

I have just wandered upstairs into the MCC Curator, Archivist and Historian's offices to overhear them having a conversation. Bear in mind these are highly educated, terribly logical people employed for being fairly sensible. The conversation was about if there was a zombie invasion at Lord's we would be fine as we have hundreds of cricket bats, but some are so rare and valuable that really they should be labelled up on our system 'Not for use against the zombies.'

:help:

[ClunkintheUK]

I have just wandered upstairs into the MCC Curator, Archivist and Historian's offices to overhear them having a conversation. Bear in mind these are highly educated, terribly logical people employed for being fairly sensible. The conversation was about if there was a zombie invasion at Lord's we would be fine as we have hundreds of cricket bats, but some are so rare and valuable that really they should be labelled up on our system 'Not for use against the zombies.'

:help:

Seems perfectly sensible to me. And logical.

[bikeramy]

That's so awesome :D, sorry Ronnie it's not getting old lol!

[Grant66]

Doesn't make sense. Following a zombie apocalypse in what way is an old cricket bat anymore valuable than another lump of wood.
Unless they would be too rotten to crack a skull.

[Spank86]

Easier to grip, generally very dense wood, well weighted...

[Littlepeahead]

Older bats would be better than newer as they'd have been knocked in. Something from a modern day pro would be grade A willow. More attractive evenly spaced grain with no knots but this makes for a weaker bat. So something used by Don Bradman would probably be better against zombies than one made for Flintoff or Collingwood even though their bats are bigger and heavier.

Have any of you not seen Shaun of the Dead?

[DJ123]

It's going to happen, accept that and start preparing for it!

[Grant66]

So they should be marked "for use on zombies"

[Littlepeahead]

Well the Grace and Bradman bats are our most valuable but also better for zombie battering. But saying that, unless they are wearing a jacket and tie the zombies won't be allowed into Lord's anyway.

[Runako]

OH FFS! Are you kidding me??? Are you seriously discussing the Zombie eliminating properties of English Grade Willow? And you dare to bring the hallowed name of 'Lords' anywhere near 'Zombie Apocolypse'? LPH I don't believe it unless you have video evidence. The Cricket Lords (get it?) shall smite thee down shall yee continue with such Blasphemy!



......


And there's no such thing as F'ing Zombies man!

[DJ123]

Not yet there isn't!

[squirrel_hunter]

I almost thought the Zombie Apocalypse was upon us last weekend. This lady walked into the bar we were in and all I can say is the makeup and the light made her look like Michael Jackson at the end of the Thriller video.

Fashion, its a dangerous thing.

[L3nny]

If you look at the members enclosure at lords during a test match you could be forgiven for thinking that the zombies had already taken over :p

[Littlepeahead]

If you look at the members enclosure at lords during a test match you could be forgiven for thinking that the zombies had already taken over :p

I'm not sure the Zombies would be happy to join the 19 year waiting list for Membership. And most of them probably have better dress sense.

http://forums.sv650.org/picture.php?albumid=982&pictureid=6772

[Runako]

How very dare you LPH? Core of British Society that is!

[Spank86]

Isn't the core the bit you chuck in the bin after you've eaten the apple?

[Mark_h]

Don't believe that nobody has linked to this yet (http://t.style.uk.msn.com/health/zombie-nation-the-outside-forces-controlling-human-brains).....

[Runako]

Firstly, I've never heard of this before. Yes, admittedly there are times when I feel there are little "beings" running around in my head but I don't for a second believe we are being controlled by Zombie Parasites! Get a grip man! (Vote for "Not Real")

[Spank86]

Of course you don't. They'd be pretty poor parasites if they let you believe you were being controlled. First thing I'd do if I was controlling your brain would be to stop you believing anyone was controlling it.

Well ok, not the first thing, but one of the first things.

[andrewsmith]

http://youtu.be/bSJQLCImV18

bSJQLCImV18

;)

[chris8886]

http://youtu.be/bSJQLCImV18

bSJQLCImV18

;)

the bit at the end of that video is rather funny, why couldn't they have just made that song a bit longer!! have always quite liked it, but now love it! lol