The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. - SV650.org

Lissa · 02-03-07, 01:14 PM

DOGS DIARY

7am: Oh boy, a walk............my favourite!

8am: Oh boy, dog food........my favourite!

9am: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite!

Noon:Oh boy, the garden....my favourite!

2pm: Oh boy, a car ride......my favourite!

3pm: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite!

4pm: Oh boy, playing ball....my favourite!

6pm: Oh boy, welcome home Mum....my favourite!

7pm: Oh boy, welcome home Dad.....my favourite!

8pm: Oh boy, dog food.....my favourite!

9pm: Oh boy, tummy rubs on the couch.....my favourite!

11pm: Oh boy, sleeping in my people's bed.....my favourite!

CATS DIARY

Day 483 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded.....must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their hearts. They only coo-ed and condescended about what a good little cat I am. Hmmmm, that didn't go according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard my confinement was due to my powers of inducing 'allergies'. I must learn what this power is and how I may use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience.

I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

Luckypants · 02-03-07, 01:25 PM

Brilliant!

02-03-07, 01:25 PM

Was that part of an Eddie Izzard sketch? I can remember it vaguely, well, the art about why cats constantly dissapear round the back of the sofa...

... drilling for oil, drilling for jam, drilling for the love of drilling.

Lissa · 02-03-07, 01:31 PM

I don't know where it originally came from. I copied it from our local residents newsletter. There is always a little gem like that tucked away inside somewhere.

02-03-07, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K

Was that part of an Eddie Izzard sketch? I can remember it vaguely, well, the art about why cats constantly dissapear round the back of the sofa...

... drilling for oil, drilling for jam, drilling for the love of drilling.

very funny that! cats wander out towards the cat flap, pause ...check keys...and stoll off

02-03-07, 02:34 PM

My Cat goes to the front door, he see's its raining and then abandons going out. Only to then walk to the back door cat flap, convinced that the weather is better at the back.

My cat comes from Dumasscass!

02-03-07, 09:42 PM

Brilliant! My cat just read that

02-03-07, 01:14 PM	#1
Lissa Just Ballast Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Rugby, South Mids Group Posts: 4,381	The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. DOGS DIARY 7am: Oh boy, a walk............my favourite! 8am: Oh boy, dog food........my favourite! 9am: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite! Noon:Oh boy, the garden....my favourite! 2pm: Oh boy, a car ride......my favourite! 3pm: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite! 4pm: Oh boy, playing ball....my favourite! 6pm: Oh boy, welcome home Mum....my favourite! 7pm: Oh boy, welcome home Dad.....my favourite! 8pm: Oh boy, dog food.....my favourite! 9pm: Oh boy, tummy rubs on the couch.....my favourite! 11pm: Oh boy, sleeping in my people's bed.....my favourite! CATS DIARY Day 483 of my captivity.... My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded.....must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their hearts. They only coo-ed and condescended about what a good little cat I am. Hmmmm, that didn't go according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard my confinement was due to my powers of inducing 'allergies'. I must learn what this power is and how I may use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience. I can wait. It is only a matter of time. __________________ If It's Too Loud, You're Too Old! I'd Rather Have Two Big Bangs Than Four Little Strokes

02-03-07, 01:25 PM	#2
Luckypants Moderator Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Nr Ruthin Posts: 7,079	Re: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. Brilliant! __________________ "Your Viffer sounds like it is raising hell! Spot on." - Witchery 17/4/08 Snow Plough Appreciation Society - Member #3

02-03-07, 01:25 PM	#3
K Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. Was that part of an Eddie Izzard sketch? I can remember it vaguely, well, the art about why cats constantly dissapear round the back of the sofa... ... drilling for oil, drilling for jam, drilling for the love of drilling.

02-03-07, 01:31 PM	#4
Lissa Just Ballast Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Rugby, South Mids Group Posts: 4,381	Re: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. I don't know where it originally came from. I copied it from our local residents newsletter. There is always a little gem like that tucked away inside somewhere. __________________ If It's Too Loud, You're Too Old! I'd Rather Have Two Big Bangs Than Four Little Strokes

02-03-07, 02:34 PM	#6
DanDare Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. My Cat goes to the front door, he see's its raining and then abandons going out. Only to then walk to the back door cat flap, convinced that the weather is better at the back. My cat comes from Dumasscass!

02-03-07, 09:42 PM	#7
Beenz Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs. Brilliant! My cat just read that

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
who out there has cats?	mmmstrongbow	Idle Banter	18	18-03-08 12:44 PM
Cats and Dogs	Mr Toad	Idle Banter	2	22-11-06 01:04 PM
Cats or dogs.	Rob S (Yella)	Idle Banter	25	12-11-06 07:57 PM
If you like cats...	thor	Idle Banter	19	27-10-06 10:44 AM
Dogs & Cats diaries...	Cloggsy	Idle Banter	3	05-04-06 07:52 AM