Cruel newbie jokes

[maviczap]

Originally Posted by Alpinestarhero

We dont do anything cruel, we just take them out for lunch and make sure they feel welcome

Where's the fun in that

I got done when I was working on a boat and I got told by the skipper to ring the ships bell when we passed this childrens school on the clyde. It was on the front of the accommodation and I rang it until I was told to stop.

I didn't suss it out for many years.

Sending newbies off to buy stores for the ship an old classic was asking them to buy FemFresh toothpaste

The ladies on the org will understand

Originally Posted by Milky Bar Kid

There have been several classics at my work in the time I havebeen there.

Best two as follows:

1) Salute the Union Jack across road from station at 1400 hours every Sunday morning ( when i was probationer Cop I did this)

2) Waving the Helimed into the landing area with two table tennis paddles (again,when i was a probationer i did this.)

They got me with the old, This is DI Anderson....when it was actually a civillian CCTV operator...

fixed for ya love

Originally Posted by davepreston

fixed for ya love

LOL! TBH, If they had told me to, I would've but my tutor didn't send me to do those!

[Swin]

I remember on on the Hermes where we advertised for a Splash Target Bosun. A splash target is essentially a lump of wood that you tow behind the ship for aircraft to shoot at.
One of the mechanics volunteered to do this (well, they live so far below decks they don't see daylight, let alone aircraft) and was taken to the diving store and kitted out in a wetsuit, taught the correct procedure for gunfire spotting (Rake code, anyone)?
This poor unfortunate spent about 3 hours clumping around the ship in a ships diver outfit, minus the helmet, going to all these different briefings and was then told to come up to the bridge for the final brief from Commander(Air), just as the first Harrier came in and let go at the splash target with rockets and cannon!
The guy's face was a picture, but he took it well, all things considered!

Originally Posted by Milky Bar Kid

1) Salute the Union Jack across road from station at 1400 hours every Sunday morning ( A probationer Cop did this)
.

is this supposed to be 0400 or sunday afternoon??? Sorry pedant!

I am tired. It is just meant to be 1400 on Sunday

[Dave20046]

MBK are you missing the simpsons style pranks phonecalls you take?

Originally Posted by Dave20046

MBK are you missing the simpsons style pranks phonecalls you take?

Nah, I can't excuse that as being a newbie....not when i have been in the station for 3 years now!!

[Bri w]

"Go and get the blue oil for the blue lamps and the red oil for the red lamps."

Give an apprentice strapping wire and tell him its high melting point solder. Then watch him spend ages trying to melt the wire with a piddlingly small soldering iron.

Solder an electrolytic capacitor the wrong way round into a redundant piece of eqpt. Then when the aprentice comes in ask him to switch it on. LOUD BANG followed by lots of smoke and roars of laughter.

Originally Posted by SoulKiss

Verbal Reference Forms...

No sh!t.. we actually have verbal instruction forms at work..